I leave you the best Phrases of Woody Allen , One of the actors and directors of cinema better known internationally for his comedies and dramatic comedies.
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1-If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
2-90% of success is based simply on insisting.
3-I'm grateful for the laughter, except when the milk comes out through my nose.
4-I'm not afraid of death, I just do not want to be there when it happens.
5-I had a terrible education, I attended a teacher's school with emotional problems.
6-If you do not make mistakes from time to time it is because you do not try.
7-I think there's something out there watching us. Unfortunately I think it's the government.
8-I am joking about the truth. It is the funniest joke.
9-Sex is only dirty if you do it right.
10-In my house I am the boss, my wife is simply the one who makes the decisions.
11-There are only two important things in life. The first sex, the second I do not remember.
12-The only thing I regret in life is that I am not another person.
13-Man consists of two parts; Your body and your mind. Only the body has fun.
14-It seems that the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept well while the bad ones enjoyed more than the waking hours.
"I've never been an intellectual, though I seem to be.
16-I do not think they liked my parents. They put a live teddy bear on my bed.
17-Most of the time I do not have a good time. The rest of the time I did not enjoy it at all.
18-If my movies do not pay, I know I'm doing something good.
19-Dying is one of the things that can be done as easily as lying down.
20-What if nothing exists and we are all in someone's dream?
21-I am very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather sold it to me on his deathbed.
22-Life does not imitate art, it imitates junk TV.
23-In Californio do not throw the trash, they do it in the television shows.
24-I am a great lover because I practice a lot on my own.
25-Marriage is the death of hope.
26-What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely paid more for my carpet.
27-I do not want to get immortality for my work, I want to get it without dying.
28-If God could give me a sign. How to make a deposit in a Swiss bank.
29-Life is full of misery, loneliness and suffering, and everything is too soon.
"I have no idea what I'm doing, but incompetence has never stopped me from connecting with enthusiasm.
31-All I have in life is my imagination.
32-Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances of having a date on a Saturday night.
33-The ability to be happy is to appreciate and that you like what you have, instead of what you do not have.
34-The only way to happiness is to love suffering.
35-When I was sent to the multi-religious summer camp I was brutally beaten by children of all religions and races.
36-I am interested in the future because it is the place where I will spend the rest of my life.
37-Of the human weaknesses the obsession is the most stupid, and the most dangerous.
38-Eternity is exhausting, especially at the end.
39-If people had more sense of humor the world would be different.
40-I do not know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.
God is silent. Now, if only one man would shut up.
42-The difference between sex and love is that sex releases tension and love produces it.
43-As a child I wanted to have a dog, but my parents were poor and they bought me an ant.
I'm not antisocial. I'm just not social.
45-Trust is what you have before you understand the problem.
"My brain?" That's my second favorite organ.
47-The work of an artist is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote to the emptiness of existence.
48-Those who can not do, teach and those who can not teach, teach gymnastics.
The only thing that stands between me and greatness is me.
"Perhaps the poets are right. Perhaps love is the only hope.
51-Intellectuals are like the Mafia; They only kill each other.
52-You rely too much on your brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
53-Talent is lucky. The most important thing is courage.
54. Love between two women is my favorite option.
55-The universe is only an idea that shines in the mind of God.
56-Money is better than poverty if it is only for financial reasons.
57-Marriage is dead hope.
58-If my film makes more than one person miserable, then I have accomplished my job.
59-The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one will laugh at you.
"I do not know enough to be incompetent."
"When my parents were kidnapped, they took action. They rented my room.
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent the night with an insurance agent?
63-Sex is better than talking. Talking is what you have to suffer to get to sex.
I'm small enough and ugly enough to be successful on my own.
65-Sex is the most fun thing to do is to laugh.
"I love nature, I just do not want anything from her about me.
67-All people know the same truth. Our lives are how we decide to change it.
68-Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
69-If God exists, I hope you have a good excuse.
70-Not only is there no God, try to find a plumber on a Sabbath.
"The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
72-Living is confusing.
"We are the sum total of our choices.
Do not think of death as the end, think of it as an effective way to cut your expenses.
75. Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
76. Why does man kill? Kill for food. And not just the food: there must often be a drink.
77- It is impossible to experience death in an objective way and still carry a melody.
78- I could not be part of the chess team because of my height.
79. Nothing eternal is fine if it turns out that you are dressed for it.
80- My luck is getting worse and worse, last night for example, I was assaulted by a Quaker.
You can live to the hundred if you give up all those things that make you want to live to the hundred.
If you're not failing every now and then, it's a sign that you're not doing anything innovative.
83- I'm amazed by people who want to"know"the universe when it's hard enough not to get lost in Chinatown.
For you, I am an atheist. For God, I am a loyal opponent.
"He was nauseous and tingling all over his body. Either he was in love or he had smallpox.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
87. Why are days enumerated and not, let's say, literate?
I am two with nature.
89- The food here is terrible, and the portions are very small.
90- Right now it's just a notion, but I think I can get the money to turn it into a concept, and then turn it into an idea.
91- As the poet said:"Only God can make a tree,"probably because it is very difficult to figure out how to get the bark.
"I will not eat oysters." I want my food dead. Not sick. Not injured. Dead.
93- Organized crime in America generates more than forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
"He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling with an Armenian.
95- In Beverly Hills... they do not throw their trash. They put it on TV shows.
Harvard also makes mistakes, you know. Kissinger taught there.
97. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but compared to the rest of the senseless experiences, it's pretty good.
"I have very bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Their lack of education is more than offset by their deeply developed moral bankruptcy.
"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.