He Emperor's syndrome Or of the tyrant child is a conduct disorder where the child is Who dominates his parents, and by means of shouts, attacks of anger and tantrums, manages to always do his will.
You do not know what to do. Your son is very demanding, he screams, he has tantrums, he exhausts your patience and you end up yielding to his demands.
Be careful, it may be a case of this phenomenon. These are children or adolescents with strong character whose parents probably have not known how to place limits Healthy to their behavior.
The good news is you can do a lot about it; This syndrome can be reversed, although depending on the case it will require more or less work and patience.
Knowing this syndrome and how to educate your child is fundamental because you will give him a good education and you will maintain a healthy coexistence in your home.
Characteristics of the Emperor's Syndrome
These are children or adolescents who in general seem emotionally insensitive, have little empathy , Little sense of responsibility, no guilty feeling For their attitudes and lack of attachment to their parents.
In general, the responsibility in this type of situations rests mainly on the parents, who surely have been too permissive and Over-protective and have not been able to control or limit this type of behavior on the part of their children.
However, it is also true that the characteristics of today's society, where individualism and consumerism predominate, and where it seems that The desires should be fulfilled immediately and without any effort, are factors that favor this syndrome.
Statistics of the emperor syndrome
The family structure has changed a lot in recent times. Marriages dissolve, dad and mom soon have a new partner, children abound Unique and women tend to have their children increasingly later.
These are factors that make children seen as a precious asset that parents try to protect from all ills, giving them everything they need. Ask and more, giving them material things and satisfying all their desires without any consideration, although their demands are crazy.
Nowadays many parents fear placing limits on their children's behavior for fear of doing them some harm, but in reality the effect is exactly the contrary.
Children need discipline, they need their parents to put limits on them to feel safe and confident, parents must be the ones to tell them How they should work in their lives, because they do not have the necessary maturity to do it for themselves.
Characteristics of the tyrant child
The child whose behavior has not been limited or controlled by his parents, can become a tyrannical child.
These children try to impose their will always, and if they do not at first, they are aggressive, they make a fuss in public places and they do not succeed Control their anger, turning the family's day-to-day into a permanent ordeal.
The parents end up giving up just to get some time of precarious peace. They try to avoid conflicts by giving their children everything they ask for without demanding them Nothing in return.
The spoiled child of the house becomes the king, he is the one who commands. Over time he becomes a tyrant. Even some parents come to fear their children And in the most extreme cases, adolescent children mistreat their parents verbally and physically.
These are the main characteristics of the tyrant child:
He has an exaggerated sense of what he deserves. He hopes everyone around him will meet his requests.
Has low tolerance for discomfort, frustration or boredom. If he asks for something and his parents say no, he expresses his rage with attacks Of anger, shouts and insults.
They show little ability to solve problems or face negative experiences.
He believes that he is the center of the world, he is selfish and individualistic. It demands the attention of everyone around you.
Look for justifications for their behavior. He is convinced that others are to blame for everything that makes him feel bad.
He lacks empathy, can not put himself in the other's place and think about how others feel.
Ask for more and more things. And when parents give you everything you ask for, continue to ask for more.
In general, he does not question or feel guilty for his attitudes.
It discusses the norms that its parents try to establish and considers them unjust. Whether out of fatigue, annoyance or guilt, the Parents give in to the child's claims.
He struggles to adapt to the demands of situations outside the home, especially at school, because he does not respond well to Figures of authority and social structures.
He often feels angry, sad and have low self-esteem .
What a tyrant's parents should do
If you think that the situation with your child has reached a limit, it is time to do something about it. And if your child's tyrannical behavior is not yet Extreme but you worry, you must change your attitude before things get worse.
To stop the exaggerated demands of your son, you are the one that must take measures in the first place. And over time, the demands and tantrums of your little one (or adolescent) They will also give in if their wishes are not fulfilled after a tantrum.
Look at the following tips:
First, agree with your spouse On how to educate your child And how to act when the child has tyrannical behaviors.
It is very important that both of you stand firm in your position. If the child perceives that you disagree or that you are not convinced of what That you are doing, will take advantage of these fissures in your favor.
Establish clear rules and routines. There will be a schedule for meals, a schedule for homework and study, and a bedtime, Which will be respected.
It is also good that the child has certain tasks at home and certain responsibilities, according to his age. You should take care of saving Their toys, lay their bed, help set the table, etc.
No threats. If you have established a certain"penance"or"time out"as a mother or father in case the rules are not met, Then you should put it into practice when the little one transgresses the norm, without many words.
Surely there will be tantrums for a while. You have to take a deep breath and have patience. Children can be very persevering and ask for a Certain thing thousands of times, to convince you by fatigue. You must not give in. Even if you feel very annoyed, if you said something that did not, Then you must stand firm.
No squeals, hot flashes or smacks. Violence is never a good solution and in addition, you should not get up to the tantrums of your son.
Neither will discuss with your child and argue endlessly. The tyrant child will not consider your reasons. Explain why you said Not to something or why you have established a certain rule once, you do not have to repeat it a hundred times. When you insist on it Question, you can reply"I already talked about this subject and I will not do it once more".
Gratify the child appropriately when his behavior is correct. The reinforcement of positive behaviors is fundamental to achieve a change in Their attitudes.
If you try to apply these measures but you do not get it, or you think you did not get good results after applying them for a certain time, Then it is time to make professional consultations.
The first step is to go to the pediatrician, to rule out any physical pathology. It is likely that you as a parent, and also your child, need to perform Some kind of psychological therapy that will give you tools to get out of this situation.
And in some cases, it will not hurt to consult the psychiatrist To rule out depression Or other disorders that may be affecting the child or One of their parents.
Emperor's syndrome in adolescents
If the problem is not solved, when your child is between 11 and 17 years old he will have become the real head of the family.
In the most extreme cases, these adolescents verbally and physically mistreat their parents, threaten them and even steal them.
This type of violence is not new, but in recent years there has been a significant increase in the number of cases.
According to data provided by the Office of the Public Prosecutor of the State of Spain, since 2000, accusations of violent Their parents.
And this could be just the tip of the iceberg, because most parents do not denounce their children and hide the problem because they seek Protect them.
In other countries, more research has been done on this subject, and the figures obtained are really worrying.
In a study conducted in the United States, children were found to have aggressive behavior toward their parents in 7% and 18% of families Traditional. This figure rises to 29% in single-parent families. That is why it is so important to prevent Emperor's syndrome.
Some experts believe that, in extreme cases, the problem is not only a question of parental attitudes. It is likely that in Adolescents who have aggressive behavior towards their parents have a genetic predisposition, some other associated disorder or environmental influences Extra-familiar.
But being overly permissive and overprotective with your children will always be detrimental to them anyway. When they are older they will be Irresponsible, conflictive, may be easily influenced by bad examples of friends and may commit small crimes.
Surely you do not want this to happen to any of your children. So if you think that the Emperor's syndrome is gradually being installed in your Home, you should start taking action immediately.
And if you want to prevent such situations, please read the next section of this article.
How to Prevent Emperor Syndrome
Children should learn to tolerate frustration. This is going to be very useful for their adult life: many times they will not be able to get what they want, and Must learn to coexist with frustration so that they do not dominate and can continue with their lives, being happy and working harder to Achieve its objectives.
Obviously, in the first months of life the baby should have his needs met immediately. But from about the year, all Children need their parents to establish clear rules and limits between behaviors that are appropriate and those that do not, between what is owed and what is not must do.
As you will know, one of children's favorite"sports"is to break these rules or try to move those boundaries, and parents should be firm in their Posture and not give in to the rules that are really important.
Children two or three years old often make tantrums to see if they can get their parents to give in, and at that moment it is essential to have Patience, do not give in and know that your child will not be traumatized nor will anything bad happen for not getting everything he wants.
If parents manage to exercise their authority with affection and constancy, being congruent with their own sayings and attitudes, then there will be no tyrant children at home.
But if, on the contrary, parents give in to tantrums and do not dare to impose the slightest discipline, then the syndrome of emperor.
And do not think that in order to educate a child you must shout at him, much less resorting to physical violence.
It is perfectly possible to control this type of Behaviors using the "time out" (What was formerly called penance) and an adequate system of rewards when the child has positive attitudes, Among other educational tools.
And what experience do you have with Emperor Syndrome? I am interested in your experiences, that way readers will know what works and what not with this problem. Thanks!