The Verbal violence or verbal abuse Is characterized by accusations, insults, threats, judgments, degrading criticisms, aggressive orders or cries.
All these actions are a Form of violence And you do not have to tolerate them. You must know that enduring these attitudes is very harmful to you and also to children.
If you want to know more about verbal violence, its consequences and what you can do if you are a victim, read this article through to the end please.
You may also like This article on psychological abuse .
What is considered verbal violence?
The simple act of pronouncing phrases that aim to undermine the dignity and the self-esteem Of the other person by insults or humiliation, if given repeatedly for a certain time, is considered verbal violence.
On the other hand, this type of violence can be given from the man to the woman, and vice versa.
There are in fact many forms of verbal violence, here are some examples with which you may feel identified:
Accusations and faults . He / she blames you for all the bad things that happen. You are always guilty , The one who has been wrong or the one who has had bad intentions.
Degrading words . It can be quite subtle and insidious form of verbal violence. It makes you feel of little value, although many times pronounce those words with a smile on the face. Remember that all ridicule and humiliation are part of verbal violence.
Dialog lock . If he does not talk to you, if he rejects all kinds of communication when he is not in the mood or prevents conflict resolution through dialogue, if he isolates you and avoids talk, it is also a form of verbal violence.
Judge and criticize you . Everything you do is wrong. He / she points out all your faults and although he says it is to help you, he is actually disqualifying you.
Trivialize . It detracts from your opinions on all issues. Take something you have said or done and make it insignificant. If you do it honestly and frankly, this type of abuse can be difficult to detect. When he / she takes this attitude, you may feel confused and you may think you have not explained your opinion well.
Threats . A clear example of this kind of verbal violence is the typical phrase:"If you leave me I kill myself." It is an emotional manipulation that causes your greatest terrors to appear in you, which is slowly killing your self-esteem.
Give you orders . Act as if you were her maid or her slave.
"Reification" . Treats you as if you were a thing. If it tells you phrases such as"get out of there"or"move".
Screams and insults . At first it may be private, but over time, it is likely to start shouting or insulting you in public. Maybe say such things as"what a fool / o you are"or"leave it, I can do better,"or maybe worse.
In all cases, in addition to words, it is also important the tone in which you speak and gestures, which can add much more violence to the sentences.
If you reproach him for his attitude, he / she is likely to react in the following ways:
Ignore your claim . He just says he does not know what you're talking about.
Minimize the situation . It tells you that you are exaggerating, that is not so much.
Generates greater mistreatment . "Now you're going to see"or"I'm going to give you real reasons to complain."
Unfortunately, many people minimize such situations, but they should not. Verbal attack is as serious as physical abuse. Although it leaves no traces on the body, it hurts the soul and affects mental health.
Consequences of verbal abuse
If you continue to endure verbal violence on the part of your partner, your self-esteem will be destroyed.
Over time, you may have depression, anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, posttraumatic stress Or sexual dysfunction.
It is also possible that you lose your social life, away from your family and friends, as this situation will negatively affect all areas of your life.
The cycle of domestic violence
It all begins with an invisible or silent stage that can last from a few months to several years. It begins subtly, the aggressor usually begins with excessive control towards his partner that can be confused with jealousy.
Control how you dress, what time you go out or who you talk to. Little by little, the humiliation or contempt of your qualities as a woman / man begins to appear; Is likely to also ridicule you, but all in private at first. Then, sometimes also in front of other people.
In this way, your autonomy and your capacity for reaction or defense are gradually diminishing.
The aggressive behavior is increasing in frequency and intensity, until finally you can not more and ask for help.
Here the visible stage of the cycle begins. Many find out what happens to you and some may not believe you, because he / she seems to be a good person in the eyes of others.
The cycle of intrafamily violence has three phases, which you will surely recognize immediately if you have experienced this type of situation:
Voltage accumulation phase . Hostile behaviors in the couple are creating conflicts. Subtle verbal violence appears subtly and in some cases, also physical violence, sudden changes of mood, etc. The victim tries to calm her partner, please her and avoid confrontations, because she is not aware of the cycle of violence in which she is involved.
Aggression phase . In this phase, those who mistreat them unleash their aggressiveness and show themselves as they are. The victim Feel anxious And fear and ask for help to a friend, family or directly decide to separate from their partner.
Reconciliation phase . After the violent episodes, when the aggressor believes that he really is at risk of being abandoned, he is generally repentant, apologizes, for a while he becomes kind and affectionate, swears that he will never be aggressive again and the couple lives for a few days Beautiful"honeymoon". But soon after the cycle begins again.
These phases explain how many women endure abuse for a long time. But you must cut this cycle, you do not have to endure more abuse, the great majority of aggressors never change their attitude.
What to do if you are a victim of verbal violence
Most victims of verbal violence in the couple are women, although there are also some men. Verbal violence can also happen at work, becoming in this case a Form of workplace harassment .
First of all, what you should do is to keep yourself well informed. If there is verbal violence in your partner, then both have a problem.
He is likely to be an aggressive man, but you are also tolerating this behavior on his part: your self-esteem is likely to be too low to be able to face it or get away from it.
If you receive a daily discharge of offensive or hurtful phrases, your self-esteem will be getting lower and it is likely that You feel very depressed . You should end this situation as soon as possible.
And to achieve this, you will need help from your family, your friends and a professional. Surely it will do you good to consult a psychologist to help you get out of this problem.
Verbal violence towards children
Words have certain powers, especially when spoken from a parent to a child. Children see the world through the eyes of their parents, and completely and absolutely believe everything they say.
Imagine then the effect that hurtful words can have on their own parents, in a small child. It is simply devastating to your self-esteem.
Perhaps shouting and momentary outbursts of anger can achieve immediate discipline, but undoubtedly cause deep injuries and very negative consequences in the Self-worth of children .
Many times parents say things without thinking much, especially when they are angry.
Unfortunately, phrases such as"you're a fool","I wish you'd never been born","why you're not like your brother","why you do everything wrong", or"if you do not behave well I will not want you anymore", Are phrases of verbal violence that can do much harm.
This type of attitude leaves them with no ability to react, limits their social skills And they have confidence in themselves. Thus, it is likely that the child who is assaulted has difficulty making friends, reduces their performance in school or returns to school. Wet the bed
If you are having these types of attitudes or if your partner has them towards your children, you must stop or stop immediately and be aware that it is a type of child abuse .
You must take whatever measures are necessary to put an end to this situation. Surely you will need help, the support of family and close friends will be crucial. And of course, consulting with a professional will also be very important.
In summary, verbal violence is also a form of abuse and abuse and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. Violence and abuse are the opposite of love, so if you find yourself in a situation like this, you must take action immediately.
And what experience do you have with verbal violence?