There are several Self-esteem problems Common diseases affecting children, adolescents, women and men. In this article I will explain the most common ones.
In my opinion, self-esteem is the personal trait that most influences well-being and success in all areas of life:
- Labor
- Family
- Of couple
- Personal
If you are the one who suffers, you can solve them, and if it is a family member, son or friend, you can help them overcome them.
Do you think I'm exaggerating? I'll give you an explanation. If you have A high self-esteem (fury):
- You have confidence To overcome the obstacles that often arise in life
- Do you trust your ability to solve problems And therefore solve them
- You adapt to complex situations
- You take"the beatings"of life with humor or do not make you feel bad
- You dare to aim at difficult goals
- You establish positive personal relationships
- For all the above, you are more successful in your working life
Self-esteem is formed from early childhood, so it is important for parents to foster it in their children.
If you are an adult and have a low self-esteem, do not worry because you can build it. You just need to know how and some effort.
Common Self-Esteem Problems
1-Compare
If you have low self-esteem you will often compare and that is not good.
- First, because there will always be people who are in something better than you
- Secondly, because we often compare ourselves to the wrong people. Comparisons are usually based on the people around us.
For example, you compare yourself to your co-worker, who is nothing out of the ordinary; Has not gotten anything out of this world and has no special abilities.
However, just to get over it, you consider yourself better or you feel proud.
How to solve this?
With a change of perspective: from comparing to admiring.
For example, I can admire Rafael Nadal, Bill Gates or Malala Yousafzai.
It would be absurd to compare myself with them or be envious. If I admire them, I automatically mimic their behavior or values .
People often have the same way of thinking or behaving as people they admire, even if they do not have the same results.
I learn of their values or behaviors, although I do not have a negative feeling when looking at them or knowing what they do.
I can also admire people around me.
Comparing often leads to insane envy and admire often lead to imitate healthy behaviors.
When you see someone criticize someone who is successful, detach yourself and admire that person who is successful - whether in family, couple or work life.
2-Want the approval of others / want to please
If you constantly seek to please others or seek approval, you will be destroying your self-esteem.
You can not please everyone, there is always going to be someone that you fall out of or against your opinions.
So forget to please. In fact, I encourage you to try looking for disapproval:
- Act as you really are, without thinking whether they approve you or not (respecting always)
- Give your opinions without fear of whether or not they please (when they are not hurt or attack personally)
- Show against outsiders opinions
If you have to criticize, do it constructively. The key is to make criticisms focused on the task, not the person.
This is called constructive and task-based criticism.
For example, if you have to criticize the work of a partner, do it referring to what you think has done wrong work. Not his person.
-Antonio, you always do wrong, you are a very poor worker.
All right:
-Antonio, I think the report would be better if it is longer and has corrected grammar mistakes.
If you look, in this last statement, the criticism is accurate (it says what you want to be corrected) and it is not directed to personal traits.
3-Finding your happiness in others
This is a problem I see in a high% of people.
They are happy and feel valuable when they are with their partners or have a partner.
However, if they do not have a partner or their partner does not value them, they do not value themselves.
What happens is that if couples treat them badly, leave them or have arguments, self-esteem descends by leaps and bounds.
It is important that you positively value yourself, simply by being a person, not because you are with someone.
That way, if the relationship goes bad or breaks, your self-esteem will not be destroyed.
In addition, if the two people have healthy self-esteem - whether independent to have a relationship or not - the relationship will work much better and there will be no So many partner problems.
Be happy with others, not because others exist.
4-Believing that one is not worth enough
This is probably the most common and inherent in self-esteem.
Self-esteem is an attitude of To value oneself ; If you do it positively you will have a high and if you do it negatively you have a low.
The fact is that the healthiest thing is that you value yourself for the simple fact of being a person.
It does not matter what you get on well or what you get bad, if you have a physical or another.
When you value yourself, you will be able to value others better and choose which relationships are the ones that bring something positive into your life.
5-Believing that you can not achieve the goals you want
This problem is also inherent in low self-esteem.
If you have low self-esteem, you tend to believe that you can not get what you want, whatever the goal is.
It even comes to affect when someone wants to get very simple things.
How to solve it?
- Remember the things you have achieved in the past
- Accepts the possibility of failure and looks at failure as an opportunity to learn
- Learn new things that build your belief that you have the ability to get things
6-Blame
Guilty feeling The more unpleasant you can have.
Although it does not always have to be associated with a lack of self-esteem, it is often given.
In fact, it is a way of maintaining public, family and relational order.
The problem is when it is pathological: it gives in excess, paralyzes, causes depression or low self-esteem.
Briefly:
- Apologize: Sometimes a sincere apology can be truly liberating.
- Reassignment technique: examine the situations that led to guilt and logically attribute responsibility to each person.
- To accept that it is possible to err
- Evaluate the true consequences of your behavior
7-Worrying too much about the future
Normally, if you have a high self-esteem, you think you have the ability to solve problems that arise.
And if you have a low, you think you will have problems to overcome them or you will go wrong.
It is a trend of thinking that can be changed.
In fact, I used to worry too much.
How do I solve it?:
- Focusing on the present With mindfulness
- Focusing on solutions
- Accepting that problems will always arise and that all you can do is try to solve them
8-Being afraid of the unknown
As long as you are a human and live in this world, you can never be sure. And if it were so, it would be very very boring. The sure thing eliminates the excitement and the emotion.
The security that if it is positive for your personal growth is The inner security of having confidence in yourself .
If you believe in yourself, you can explore areas of life that do not offer you anything safe and avoid following the path that everyone else walks.
In fact, if you want to stand out in something you are going to have to take risks, it is impossible to highlight or achieve difficult goals if you do not experience some insecurity.
On the other hand, security a rather unreal concept, because wherever you are and whatever you do is always going to have some danger:
- If you stay at your house there may also be accidents
- If you are in a bad job because you have"security"they can also fire you
- If you only travel in your country for safety, accidents can also occur
Not to alarm;), but that's the idea:
The insecure and unknown can cause us insecurities but are necessary to change, improve and live new emotions.
And do you have other self-esteem problems? Commit me to add them to the article. Thanks!