I leave you the best Simpsons phrases And his characters Homer (Homero in Latin America), Bart, Lisa, Marge, Moe, Skinner, Otto, Martin, Mr. Burns and many more.
You may also like These humor quotes .
Source: www.flickr.com/photos/bagogames/15213207635
1-"Sorry Barney, I can be a total failure as a parent, but I will not take my son to the dog races on Christmas Eve."- Homer
2-"Aw, come on dad, this may be the miracle that saves the Simpsons Christmas. If the TV has taught me something is that miracles can happen to poor children at Christmas. It happened to little Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the smurfs and also to us!"- Bart
3-"My turn, Kwyjibo. K-W-Y-J-I-B-O, more triple score, plus 50 points for using all the letters, the game is over, I'm leaving."- Bart
4-"Dad, I cheated on the intelligence test, sorry! But then you made the last two weeks great, we were doing things together, you helped me, we shared more than before. I love you dad, I think if something can bring us so close, it can not be bad."- Bart
5-"Oh, oh, there seems to be some nuclear waste, no problem. We'll only put it where no one can find it in a million years."- Joe Smiling Fission
6-"Listen to me, vague annoying, when I catch you, you are dead. I swear I'll cut your heart in half!"- Moe
"Ah, yes. This must be your lovely wife Marge, oh and look at the little Lisa, she's growing like grass. This must be.. Brat!"- Mr. Burns
8-"Well, if you paid more attention, you would notice that your family sees you as a stern authoritarian figure, an ogre if you will."- Dr. Monroe
9-"The school playground code, Marge! It's the rules that teach a child how to be a man! Do not gossip, always laugh at others different to you, never say anything unless everyone feels like you, what else?"- Homer
10-"Okay, you want to kill yourself. That's good, it's healthy."- Dr. Monroe
11-"Ladies and gentlemen, contrary to what you have just seen, war is not glamorous or amusing. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars except for the following exceptions: the American Revolution, the Second World War and the Star Wars trilogy."- Bart
12-"It seems that the Last Giant is a little out of his budget Mr. Simpson and I'm being kind, you could not buy this thing or live a million years."- Bob
13-"Did you know that the sound of a mermaid is good? No, Mr. Simpson, she's a bad mermaid. It's the computer telling me if I'm blind: 'Sell this vehicle to this guy and you're out of work.'"- Bob
14-"Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects and no clue. If anyone has any information, please dial the '0' and ask for the police."- Chief Gorgory
15-"Your fingers are so fine, so feminine. They are too thin for the ball you are wearing, you need something lighter, more delicate. Here, use my ball."- Jacques
16-"Mmm I think I'll use my ball."- Marge
17-"As you like, many people have nonsense attachments to heavy and clumsy things like this Homer of yours."- Jacques
18-"Oh No! 120 kilos! I'm a whale, why do all good things taste so good? From now on! To work out each morning Homer"- Homer
19-"Sir and Mrs. Simpson, we have pierced the incorrigible with Bart. I do not think an expulsion or suspension can fix it. I think the situation deserves to be deported."- Director Skinner
20-"How can you defend a country where five percent of people control 95% of wealth?"- Adil
21-"I defend a country where people can think, act and worship whoever they want."- Lisa
22-"Children, please stop fighting. Maybe Lisa is right that America is the land of opportunity and maybe Adil is right about the machinery of capitalism that is oiled with the blood of the workers."- Homer
"Yes, I admit it. I hated it! Their tricks tricks took away my dignity for years. I played the role of jester while he was accumulating a fortune with his vulgar appetites, so sorry for Krusty!"- Bob Patiño
24-"Treat children equally, they are people too. They are smarter than you think! They could catch me!"- Bob Patiño
25-"Hey, Otto, I have an exam today and I'm not ready! Could you crash the bus or something?"- Bart
26-"Sorry Bart, I can not do it on purpose, but maybe today is your lucky day!"- Otto
27-"As a natural enemy. I do not know why I should care, but the information about colonial North America that you received is wrong. A chimpanzee with a blindfold in his eyes and a pencil in his mouth has more opportunities to approve than you."- Martin
28-"Imbeciles, pathetic imbeciles employed, steal my precious money. This does not make sense, none of those idiots deserve a promotion."- Mr Burns
"Simpson, huh? Hmm. A piece of clay that I can mold to my image and likeness. He will be our new executive, bring him before me!"- Mr Burns
30- Attention, Homer Simpson, you have been promoted, now you are an executive. Take three minutes to say goodbye to your old friends and report to room 503 to reassign him to a better life."- Smithers
31-"Do not you find Smithers ironic? This anonymous clan of troglodytes loose mouths cost me a choice and even if I wanted them dead, I would be the one who would go to jail. This is democracy! "- Mr. Burns
32-"There's something worse than being a loser, it's being one of those guys who sits in a bar, telling the story of how he became a loser and I do not want that to happen to me."- Homer
33"Leave me alone Flanders, you've been rubbing me since I got here, your family is better than mine, your beer comes from farther than mine, your children get along. Your wife's butt is higher than mine, you make me sick!"- Homer
34-"Bart, as I never received words of encouragement, I'm not sure how they should sound but here it goes, I believe in you."- Lisa
35-"Stop the two of you, it's a day of thanksgiving, so share the glue or there will be no glue for either of you!"- Homer
36-"Dad, this is not about glue, it's about territoriality. Bart just wants the glue because I'm using it."- Lisa
37-"Otto, I'm going to jump over the Springfield gorge on my skateboard."- Bart
"You know, Bart, being the only adult here. I feel I should say something. Great!"- Otto
39-"For me, the pranks of a couple of cartoon characters are nothing compared to the emotional problems a psychiatrist sees every day, I mean women who love too much, are afraid of success, nymphomania, that kind Of things."- Dr. Monroe
40-"One of my guilty pleasures is sitting with a large cup of popcorn, turning off the lights, watching Tomy and Daly and laughing. And that's not a bad thing."- Dr. Monroe
"Oh yes, an economic arrangement, all right, go to shame, public notaries bracketed and overpaid, just take that monkey to my house tonight and fix it with one or two bananas."- Mr. Burns
"I'll tell you what I think. I think Mr. Burns thinks I'm an idiot. The only reason he offers us this is because he knows he's going to lose his judgment and will have to pay us a million dollars, I spit out his 500 thousand dollars."- Homer
"Do you know what the arrangement would be if it were for me? Let Mr. Burns pay for Bart's medical bills and give us an apology."- Marge
"If, yes, the balloon fish is poisonous, it can be deadly. If they cut it properly, it is very delicious."- Akira
"Now, Mr. Simpson, a little bit of death anxiety is normal. It will go through the five stages, the first is denial."- Dr. Hibbert
46-"Heavens Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and your belongings. I can not think but that maybe you would have been better had I not entered your life."- Homer
47-"His life was had unrestrained successes until he realized that he was a Simpson."- Lisa
"Maybe? Sponge head! Of course it would have been better without you. As far as I'm concerned, I do not have a brother!"- Herb Simpson
"Ladies and gentlemen, most of you already know that with a little love and compassion, any puppy can grow in a little pack of love. It's nonsense taught by fools! Let me tell you the two best words you will hear, 'chain of choking!'"- Miss Winthrop
50-"You know, Homer, someday we'll be old."- Marge
"My God! You're right Marge! Children, you would not put me in a nursing home like I did with my father, would you?"- Homer
"I'm not deaf idiot! I'm ignoring you! You made me miss the last moment of my wife's life! I will never speak to you again! I do not have a son!"- Abe Simpson
53-"I really value every second we spend together. From the moment I squeeze the oranges for their juice in the morning until the moment of laying it down at night. He's not just my boss, he's my best friend too."- Smithers
"It's good that I'm not crying, I would not want you to think that what I'm about to do is based on my emotions. You're a fool!"- Lisa
55-"Son, last night, you could see that Dad was acting a bit strange and maybe you do not understand why."- Homer
56-"If I understand why, you were drunk."- Bart
"I admit it, I did not know when to say enough. I feel it has happened and I hope you have not lost respect for me."- Homer
58-"If you want me to survive, I suggest you put him face down."- Dr. Hibbert
"Thanks, doctor."- Marge
60-"Remember, I said 'if you like'."- Dr. Hibbert
"Dad, I did everything I could and I just won 35 dollars! I already had enough to work, work is for fools."- Bart
"Son, I'm proud of you. I realized that when I was twice your age."- Homer
63-"Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia and vesicular hostility."- Doctor
"Doctor, if he only speaks for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, he would see how well he is."- Marge
65-"It means that there really is that 'Bart', my God!"- Doctor
66-"Stupid Flanders family with their stupid grilling. What if they came back and I was dead for not eating? They would be repentant. They would say, 'Oh no, why did we go to the Flanders, why did we leave Homer without food?' And I would laugh from my grave."- Homer Simpson
"The papers have changed, my friend, of tin, look at you! You used to be so proud. Now feel the anger of Burns' left hand!"- Mr Burns
68-"Mr. Burns, people call this a nuclear reactor meltdown."- Kent Brockman
"Oh, reactor meltdown. That's another one of those sticky words. We prefer to call it unsolicited excess nuclear fission."- Mr Burns
"My father was the most respected person in southeast Springfield. People traveled miles to seek their advice."- Krusty
71-"Dad, I broke my saxophone, I need you to buy me a new one."- Lisa
72-"Is not this the kind of thing your mom does?"- Homer
"I called her, she's not at home. Also try Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Joy and that good man who caught a snake in our basement."- Lisa
74-"Guao, after them, of all the people of the world, you chose me."- Homer
"You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle, his winning smile, his button nose, his chubby belly, his face that lights up with every prank. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushes my spirit."- Homer
"Homer, I'm your stockbroker. Your shares in the plant rose for the first time in ten years."- Stock Broker
77-"I have actions!"- Homer
78-"Yes, all employees have some actions in exchange of constitutional rights."- Stock Broker
79-"Attention to all workers, we have completed our evaluation of the plant. We regret to announce the following layoffs to be read in alphabetical order: Homer Simpson, that's all."- Horst
"Hey, why do not I look for work at the nuclear plant? I've heard they pay well!"- Homer
81-"I do not know, I've heard that radiation can make you sterile"- Marge
82-"Pfft. Now you tell me!"- Homer
83-"So we have been victims of a cruel farce, thought by a ten-year-old vandal. It is time to point out the culprits and most point to the child's parents."- Kent Brockman
84-"I used to hate the smell of your feet Moe, now is the smell of victory."- Homer
85-"How about a father-daughter's day?"- Lisa
86-"Do not worry, the new football season is in seven months."- Homer
"So that's it, you just wanted to help me bet. You never wanted to be with me from the beginning!"- Lisa
88-"I said I did not want any damn vegetable."- Todd Flanders
89-"All right, young man, go to your room! There will be no Bible stories for you tonight!"- Ned Flanders
90-"Are not you being a little hard on him?"- Maude Flanders
"Well, you knew I had my temper when you met me."- Ned Flanders
"What makes a man endanger his work and even his life by asking me for money?"- Mr. Burns
93-"People like dogs, Mr. Burns."- Smithers
"Nonsense! Dogs are idiots, think Smithers: if I went to your house and started to smell in your crotch and lick your face, what would you say?"- Mr. Burns
95-"If you did, sir?"- Smithers
96-"This show is the biggest farce I've ever seen!"- Lisa
97-"What about the Emmys?"- Bart
98-"You're right."- Lisa
99-"Hello! I'm Llewelyn Sinclair! I have directed three plays in my career and I have had three heart attacks! So much I care, I'm planning a fourth"- Llewelyn Sinclair
"I'm not an easy man to work with. As I directed 'Honors to Chanukkah' I made more than one of the cast mourn. Was she expecting too much from fourth graders? The review 'Work enjoyed by all' speaks for itself."- Llewelyn Sinclair
"I'm not a bad person. I work hard and I love my children. So why should I spend half my Sunday listening to how I'm going to hell?"- Homer
"Mmm, you have a good point. Sometimes I even want to watch football. Does St. Louis still have good equipment?"- God
103-"So I thought that it is better to live properly and worship in my own way."- Homer
"Homer, it's a deal. Now excuse me, I have to appear in an omelette in Mexico"- Dios
105-"The Lord is vengeful, show me to whom I must hurt and be wounded!"- Homer
106-"The Lord was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they came to your aid, whether Christian, Jewish or miscellaneous."- Reverend Joy
107-"I was rude to each of you and saved my life when you could let me burn like a bad person I was."- Homer
108-"But apparently the father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled the application incorrectly. In the 'do not write in this space' area he wrote 'okay'."- Kent Brockman
"No, it's true, when I was a kid, I wanted a receiver glove, but my dad could not buy it. Then I held my breath and hit my head with the coffee table. The doctor told me that he could have brain damage."- Homer
110-"What is the moral of the story?"- Bart
111-"I like stories."- Homer
"I know the punishment may seem drastic, but I can not retract it. You can watch anything you want on TV."- Homer
113-"The TV stinks."- Bart
114-"I know you're upset now, so I'll pretend I did not hear that."- Homer
"These are a thousand monkeys writing in a thousand typewriters. Soon they will write the best novel known to man."- Mr Burns
"Wait a minute! How can you do this to the serpents after all they have done for you?"- Lisa
"I'm an old man, I hate everything except Matlock. Oh, it's on TV now!"- Abe Simpson
"Dad, when did you record an album?"- Bart
119-"I'm surprised you do not remember son, that happened eight years ago."- Homer
120-"Dad, thanks to the television, I can not remember what happened eight minutes ago"- Bart
"What about that tattoo on your chest? Does not it say 'Die, Bart, die'?"- Lawyer
122-"No, that says 'The Bart, the German'."- Bob Patiño
123-"No one who speaks German can be evil"- Police
"Now Bob Patiño can not enter without me realizing and once a man enters your house, whatever you do is legal."- Chief Gorgory
"Oh yeah? Flanders? Can not you come to my kitchen for a moment? Je je je."- Homer
126-"We have places where your family can hide and live in peace, places like Cape of Fear, Lake of Terror, New Horror, Villa of Scream."- FBI Agent
"I'm not sure it caused nuclear fission. There was no radioactive material in the truck."- NRC Agent
"Oh, very well, it's time for your bribe. They can carry the washer dryer where Smithers stands or they can change everything so it's inside the box."- Mr. Burns
"Now, remember, the moment you finish your mistress, I will have your soul for eternity."- Devil Ned
"Hey, wait, if I do not finish the last bite, you will not have my soul, will you?"- Homer
131-"Well, technically not but"- Diablo Ned
"I'm smarter than the devil, I'm smarter than the devil."- Homer.