You can go from having a Self-esteem falls to a high In a short time. Also your children, relatives or friends that you want to help.
For this I will teach you a series of habits, customs, exercises and activities that will allow you to make great changes.
However, in all cases it is necessary to be constant. You can not expect to make big changes without perseverance, change of habits and without effort.
You, like any other person in the universe, deserve your own love and affection-Gautama Buddha.
Before beginning the action, I would like to explain some important aspects of self-esteem.
This will make your advance much faster, since you need to know what you have to change to do it.
- Definition
- Causes
- characteristics
Rapid definition of self-esteem
The self-esteem It is the general opinion you have of yourself, it is a judgment about yourself, as well as an attitude about yourself.
It includes:
- Beliefs. For example,"I am worth a lot"or"I am competent"
- Emotions: of pride, shame, self-respect, triumph...
If you have a high self-esteem, you will have a sense of satisfaction that comes from recognizing and appreciating your own worth, Loving yourself And accepting you.
It is very important for your psychological well-being, for having healthy personal relationships and for having a successful life.
The opposite is to have a negative concept of yourself and that is when you give yourself negative or low self-esteem.
Causes of low self-esteem
Self-esteem depends in part on genetics and in part on the environment.
The early experiences of your childhood form your beliefs about yourself:
- Experiences in the school
- Family
- With friends
- With authority figures: parents, teachers, caregivers...
Some examples of experiences that may negatively influence self-esteem are:
- Absence of affection or interest from parents or relatives
- Physical or psychological abuse by parents or partners ( bullying )
- Belonging to a social group marginalized by society
- Abuses, neglect and constant punishment
- Being the one who gets frustrated by other people
Of course, low self-esteem can also be created by late life experiences (although they are less frequent):
- Verbal or psychological maltreatment by the couple
- Work Abuse
- Traumatic events
Vital experiences influence the beliefs you have formed about yourself.
Therefore, the experiences of your childhood are essential, since it is where you form the image you have of yourself and the value you give.
In your childhood you did not understand well what was happening and you did not have the personal resources to face those negative experiences that formed a negative vision of yourself.
Once Negative beliefs And the negative view are settled, are difficult to question.
How do negative beliefs hold?
Because you have a biased thought; That is, you accept what is consistent with your negative view of yourself and reject what you do not.
The sources of that biased (or wrong) thought are:
- Perception: Pay attention to what confirms your negative view of yourself, what you do wrong, and you ignore what you do well and gives you value.
- Interpretation: you distort reality. It may be that reality confirms that you are of value, although you interpret it in a way that confirms your view that you have little value. For example: you win a contest and you think it was lucky.
Therefore, the perception you have of yourself and the interpretations you make of reality and your life are two fundamental things to change.
Characteristics of a person with low self-esteem
If you have a low self-esteem you can show some of these characteristics:
- Culpability
- Strong self-criticism
- Lack of satisfaction with yourself
- Hypersensitivity to criticism and feeling of being attacked
- Envy or general resentment
- Perfectionism
- Pessimism and negative view of life
- See yourself as inferior to others ( Inferiority complex )
- Excessive willingness to please and please others
- Indecision
- Exaggerated fear of failure Or make mistakes
Characteristics of people with good self-esteem
Examples of the characteristics that people with good self-esteem have:
- They enjoy a wide variety of activities
- They are considered equal to others, neither superior nor inferior
- Accept differences in talents, skills or financial or professional situations
- They see themselves as interesting and valuable people to others
- Respect others and they are empathic
- They firmly believe in their values and defend them, being willing to change them by their experience
- They resist the manipulation of others. Collaborate with others only if they think fit
- They rely on their judgments and their ability to solve problems
- They admit feelings and negative or positive impulses and show them to others only when they want
- Do not feel guilty, do not spend time worrying about the mistakes of the past
- They do not seek to please others, Nor the approval
On the other hand, what is healthy and best if you want to achieve your goals and achievements is to have a medium-high self-esteem or what in popular culture is known as"high self-esteem."
Too high self-esteem leads to worse outcomes, worse relationships, and poorer long-term well-being.
Here you can see better:
Therefore, believing too much of yourself, just seeing your strengths and not seeing your faults, has worse results.
He Dunning-Kruger effect Is one of the consequences of having too high self-esteem.
Tips for working your self-esteem
1-Challenge your old beliefs
To raise your self-esteem , You need to identify and challenge the negative beliefs you have about yourself.
How did you learn them and why did you create them?
Think about it and write down your 10 most frequent negative beliefs on paper.
Once you know your negative beliefs, gather evidence that denies it.
For example:
- I've got…
- I'm capable of…
- I get along very well with...
Also write positive things you know about yourself as:
- I'm good at sports
- I have a good physique
- I'm good at cooking
Leave your list in a visible place. In this way you will remember those positive attributes frequently.
2-Compare yourself
One of the characteristics of people with low self-esteem is that they compare with others and believe they are inferior.
Those who have too high self-esteem are also compared, although they gain (according to their points of view).
However, it is best to compare yourself, because that way you will have your own control, your own expectations and you will not depend on anyone to Get over you personally .
Recognize that each person is different and that you have value simply by being a person.
3-Put the past in your favor
In the introduction to the article I commented that self-esteem depends on perception and interpretations.
The past has no fixed interpretation:
- You may think that being from a low social class allowed you to value things more
- You may think that being mistreated was a disgrace or that it helped you to be stronger
- You may think that breaking a relationship made you take experience to have better relationships
If you realize, these three examples of experiences can be interpreted negatively, although they have been done in a positive way.
Get accustomed therefore to interpret in a way that favors your interpretations of your experiences.
4-Do what it imposes
Learning new skills and doing things that impose you will boost your self-esteem quickly.
It is what is known as Leave the comfort zone .
Obviously, they do not have to be things that endanger your person.
Rather, things that are not dangerous but that are scary or imposing:
- Public speaking
- Talk to unknown people
- Anything that makes you afraid
If when you make them feel that the fear surpasses you, simply accept it and act.
With practice these things will be normal and you will not have problems doing them.
5-Build positive personal relationships
Your self-esteem must depend on yourself.
That is, your self-esteem should not be based on someone telling you that you are attractive, that you have value or that you are competent.
However, there will be people who are bad influences and who do not help you have a healthy self-esteem.
Some actions of malinfluenced persons are:
- Criticize destructively
- To insult
- To constantly say"should"or"do this"
- Say you can not do something
- Disparage
The truth is that it is better to be alone than in bad company.
So try to get out of your life Those toxic people And begins to put in your life people who value you or at least do not destroy you.
6-Have Respect for Yourself
If you do not respect yourself, few people will.
Of course, there will always be people - in fact those who have a healthier self-esteem - that will encourage you and continue to respect you.
Although there will be many who will not respect you and try to take advantage of your lack of self-esteem.
Moreover, if you do not respect yourself, you will not get what you want, you will not take what you want and you will not try what you want.
Imagine the person you most respect and have those same emotions for yourself.
7-Accept your failures
From now on, start accepting your mistakes, whether in the professional or in the personal.
- Forgive yourself for not achieving everything you hoped for
- Recognize your humanity
If you accept your faults, Avoid blame , Which is an affection of poor self-esteem.
8-Accept your defects
Thousands of times you're going to think things like"how clumsy I am","I'm not good for this, I will not get out".
And usually they are followed by a feeling of malaise, of little appreciation of oneself.
The next time you find yourself thinking like this, change those thoughts by:
- Some things give me better, this simply costs me a little more
- Although I struggle to learn it with constancy I will achieve it
- I'm learning slowly
9-Set a defiant goal
This is a challenge that I put to you and that will serve you for the rest of your life.
If you get something that is difficult for you, you will remember it for your whole life.
You will think,"If I did that, I can do many other things and value you more."
You have to value yourself for the simple fact of being a person, although this will be a plus.
Some examples:
- Approve a career
- Learn to cook several dishes well
- Go to an NGO for a year
- To obtain a job that you propose
- Being a writer
- Write a book
10-Go to your thing and live your present
"Go to your thing"is one of the most important advice there is and is equal to"live your present".
You can be in any place and you are thinking more in the others than in if you yourself are comfortable or you are having fun:
- Someone criticizes you and you feel bad
- You are at work and you think what others think of you.
- You walk on the street and you worry about what the person you're thinking will think
- You are dancing and you think if they are watching you
Personal relationships are important for life, although you do not have to worry about what others think.
If you want to practice this more, I recommend you Learn mindfulness .
Go to yours, live the present and have fun or focus on what you do. That will cause:
- You feel comfortable
- You can detect your destructive thoughts
- Be more productive
And what do you do to have a high self-esteem? I am interested in your opinion. Thanks!