He Peter Pan syndrome Defines adult persons who continue to have the mentality of a child, who refuse to assume the responsibilities of adulthood and intend to live the carefree life characteristic of the first decades of life.
Basically, it is a child in the body of an adult; Of an adult who intends to continue enjoying the privileges of children and adolescents.
We are not talking about the transition from adolescence to adulthood, where there are typical concerns about the arrival of new responsibilities when realizing that, with age, we all have to do more things for ourselves. These people can be of any age (as long as they are adults).
This syndrome is not currently considered a psychopathology, since the World Health Organization has not recognized it as a mental disorder. Although not official, many psychologists find this concept useful to refer to the set of symptoms that make it up.
It is relevant to know the Peter Pan syndrome, as more and more adults are presenting these types of emotionally immature behaviors in Western society.
Symptoms of Peter Pan Syndrome
Aside from the inability to take responsibility, this syndrome also includes difficulties in engaging and keeping promises, placing too much emphasis on the physical and A lack of self-confidence , Although they exhibit an appearance that gives just the opposite to think.
These people are unable to grow and take over the tasks of adulthood and even dress and perform the same activities as when they were teenagers, actually taking more than thirty years.
The"Peter Pans"of today's society see the adult world as very troublesome and glorify adolescence, so they prefer to stay in that privileged state.
Something that may indicate that an individual suffers from Peter Pan syndrome is that he seems unmotivated with his professional career, his studies or his work.
They may have a part-time job or they are not at all serious about having some money to spend, but they do not usually strive to advance their work so that it becomes something more important that requires more responsibility.
They also often engage in activities that involve pursuit of pleasure rather than being practical or safe. They do not usually reason much, Are rather impulsive .
These people often have Fear of loneliness , So they try to surround themselves with people who meet their needs. However, they have enough problems in establishing relationships with their peers.
Also, they do not care about the things they have done wrong, on the contrary, blame the others. They tend to get away from the problems they have, which can make them use drugs and abuse alcohol in an attempt to escape the obstacles of life.
Further, Feel anxiety When they are evaluated by their co-workers or their superiors, due to the intolerance to criticism from others. Sometimes, they have serious problems of adaptation at work or in personal relationships.
People who suffer from this syndrome constantly change their partners and seek out younger ones. When the relationship begins to ask for a higher level of commitment and responsibility, they are scared and cut off.
Relationships with younger people they maintain have the advantage of allowing them to live day-to-day with no worries and involve fewer future plans, hence fewer responsibilities.
Other symptoms include:
- Emotional outbursts or affective blunting.
- Annoyed until you get to the point of going into anger.
- Happiness that becomes extreme panic.
- Frustration that leads to self-pity and depression.
- Difficulty expressing feelings of love.
- Difficulty in relaxing.
- Emotional dependence .
- Manipulative tendencies.
- Tendency to the law of minimum effort.
- Tendency to emit negative behaviors to attract the attention of others.
- Idealization of romantic couples.
- Immaturity and impulsivity.
Causes
It has been discussed about overprotection by the parents as a possible cause or predisposing factor to suffer this syndrome.
Parents who overprotect their children can create a dependency on them, since they do not allow them to develop the strategies necessary to deal with the problems of life alone.
On the other hand, a high permissiveness on the part of the parents can also predispose to suffer this syndrome. In homes where children are allowed to do what they want and when they want, the child is more likely to develop the belief that in adulthood they can continue to do the same.
There has also been talk of a relationship of this syndrome with the Narcissistic personality disorder , But not in the selfish sense. These people tend to absorb themselves, are trapped in the fantasy of childhood.
The Peter Pan disorder, however, is not genetically predetermined. It is acquired by environmental influences, especially by the parenting style, and by factors such as the so-called"Wendy's syndrome".
Does it affect more men or more women?
Peter Pan syndrome can affect both sexes, but it appears much more frequently in men. When it affects women, they are more likely to exhibit immature behaviors, but substance use is much less likely.
Psychologist Dan Kiley, who defined the Peter Pan syndrome in 1983, also used the term"Wendy Syndrome"to describe women who act as mothers with their partners or people close to them.
Wendy is the woman behind Peter Pan. There must be someone to face the things that Peter Pan does not do to make it exist. These women Make all decisions And takes care of your partner's responsibilities.
They feel essential; They think that they are really responsible for the things they do for their partner. They are Perfectionists , So they feel guilty when something goes wrong, especially when meeting other people.
They have an idea of the love that is related to the sacrifice, they leave aside their well-being for the others and they come to assume the role of mother towards their partner.
The main cause of Wendy's syndrome is Fear of rejection Or abandonment, apart from interaction with other variables: being a woman, cultural influences, the educational style of the parents, Personality traits ... They can also be people with traits of introversion and low self-esteem Which need acceptance from others.
As in the case of the Peter Pan syndrome, the main predisposing factor is the parenting style, that is, an environmental factor. Genetic factors have little to do with these two disorders.
It is strange, however, that this tendency is the opposite, that is, the man who cares for the woman and make the decisions for her. The existence of women who have this syndrome is what facilitates the existence of Peter Pan syndrome.
Diagnosis and treatment
As we have said, Peter Pan syndrome is not medically recognized by the WHO nor recognized by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental disorder. It looks like a psychopathology, so it can be"diagnosed"if a specialist considers that the person exhibits the symptoms themselves.
The individual can be presented with a series of questions and situations to check what he would do in each specific situation. For example, the following situation may occur:
"It presents the opportunity to advance in your work, you will have more amount of work, more hours and more responsibility, but you will charge more.
You also have the option of going to a party the same day that you would start the new job post. What would you do?". These types of questions make it easier for the psychologist to see the classic indicators of Peter Pan syndrome.
The major disadvantage of both syndromes, that of Peter Pan and Wendy, is that people who suffer from them do not feel as if they are part of the problem; They are not aware of it. The only solution is a correct psychological treatment, not only for the person who suffers it but also for his partner and his family.
As it is not recognized as a psychological disorder, there are no well defined treatments, but there are many that can help, such as psychodrama , the Cognitive behavioral therapy , family therapy ...
Psychotherapy, in general, is the best option to remedy this problem. Allowing the affected person to have an opportunity to talk about their concerns, why they do the things they do and what they think is the best solution usually helps to enlighten those who seek help and the people around them.
Another option for treatment is immersion therapy. This type of therapy involves adding little by little responsibility to force the person to see what he is doing wrong and force it to make a change.
This is not something that works every time it is applied but it can be a good first step. Therapy can also be approached from other aspects, such as the lack of motivation of the individual or the fact that he is an alcoholic or a drug addict.
There are other modalities, such as the so-called"healing power of silence". It tries to keep the individual away from things that can lead to an addiction, such as watching TV, computer games, internet, alcohol and substance abuse.
Instead, they try to focus on the real problems they have themselves; They begin to learn the basics about how to deal with the obstacles of life.
Although there is no established cure for this syndrome, the only opportunity for treatment to begin is when the individual shows willingness and awareness about their problem.
Forecast
The biggest complication for people suffering from this syndrome is the inability to build strong relationships. They do not succeed in coping successfully with their fears and responsibilities, and they may acquire other mental disorders.
These people have a very low self-esteem, they are usually unmotivated and their State of mind Is depressive. As we have said before, they are prone to substance abuse, as a way to escape from reality and as a result of their impulsive personality and little self-control.
Later, when they reach middle age, these individuals can suddenly change when they collide with the reality that it is not usually possible to get away from responsibilities and problems and do everything in their own way.
As a result, these people may suddenly feel overwhelmed by a guilty feeling For having wasted time and their talents. For some it is not too late to start working on what is good, studying or doing something useful, but for others it may be.
Prevention
Since the syndrome is often caused by factors that occur during childhood, all prevention measures should be devoted to parents and their awareness of how to raise a child.
Parenting seminars should be organized, especially for adolescent parents, so that they are aware that there are techniques for teaching their children the responsibilities they should have.
However, environmental factors should continue to be taken into account when raising a child. Teach appropriate values And exercising an appropriate type of education are important. In addition, children should be surrounded by the right people to take as an example.