Perfectionism can cause so many advantages (if managed well) as disadvantages (if poorly managed). In general there is nothing wrong with wanting to do things as well as possible, but if it causes discomfort in the person you will have poor quality of life and little mental well-being.
In fact, an excess of perfectionism can produce sensations that you never do enough things or that you never perform well enough.
When perfectionism is followed by sensations like these, we are talking about something negative that can have great repercussions both At the level of functioning and at the psychological level.
In this article we will talk about how we can avoid this negative perfectionism in 10 simple steps, and acquire a more functional mode Balanced, more productive and healthier.
What are the consequences of perfectionism?
In the beginning, perfectionism can be considered a positive quality, which is associated with an increased involvement in doing things, greater Motivation, and more possibilities to do things well and achieve achievements.
However, perfectionism is as positive as it is dangerous, and in any case, it always ends up producing a series of negative consequences on the person Which works this way.
And is that although perfectionism is that quality that, as its name indicates, allows us to perform perfect things, when performing an activity Thus automatically we suffer a series of consequences:
We become tense.
We were easily distressed.
We fear too much error or failure.
It costs us more to rejoice over our achievements.
We are involved at very high levels with the task.
We can feel failures more easily.
We may tend to become obsessed or engage in compulsive behavior.
We have greater difficulties to disconnect and rest.
Our states of stress And fatigue.
We can suffer addiction to work.
So, every time we function in a perfectionist way we must take into account that all these consequences can appear at any moment.
It is true that some tasks or activities can benefit from perfectionism, or even more, must be performed in a perfect way to acquire its value.
However, there are few such tasks, and many times we fall into a perfectionist functioning in activities that do not require it.
When this happens, even though we use perfectionism to improve the quality of our activities, it often reduces our productivity By investing too much time in irrelevant perfections.
In this way, the" Quit" The question of perfectionism lies in using it at such times as is necessary, but never adopting it as a Mode of general operation, because if we do it will decrease our productivity and our health will pay dearly.
Possibly right now you're wondering... Am I a perfectionist person? Is perfectionism making me suffer and lose relevant aspects of my life?
To leave doubts I leave 6 questions with which we can leave doubts:
Do you feel that you constantly have to improve what you are doing and it costs you to finish an activity well?
Do you feel the need to always be first and better than the rest?
Do you experience feelings of tension or anguish when you are wrong or when you think you may be making a mistake?
Are you very concerned about what others are saying about you and the things you do?
Do you postpone those difficult activities in which you are not sure of succeeding?
Are you systematically reviewing the tasks that you have already completed?
If your answer to most questions is affirmative, you may have a perfectionist functioning, which may be giving you more Disadvantages that advantages.
Let's see, then, how we can abandon this kind of perfectionism and acquire a more adapted operation.
10 tips to stop being a perfectionist
1-Accept yourself
The first step to begin to manage perfectionism is to accept that you are in a concrete way that makes you have a tendency to want to perfect A lot of things
This first acceptance of how you are is very important, since you do not have to completely reject your perfectionistic way of being and want to acquire from Blow an opposite run.
As we have said, being a perfectionist does not have to be something negative if managed well, so the work we will do during these 10 steps It will not aim to change your way of being, but to learn to manage a part of you.
Likewise, you must be aware that as long as you work to manage it, there will be a part of you that will be greatly resisted, since in your mind is Installed perfectionism, which will strongly oppose the changes you want to make.
In this way, think openly about how you are, accept yourself and your perfectionism, and focus your efforts on improving your performance in those moments In which being a perfectionist plays a bad trick.
2-Make a list of pros and cons
In order to improve your perfectionism you must be very clear why you want to do it and what your motivations are.
As we have just said, abandoning perfectionism will not be a simple task, because as long as you strive to achieve it, another part of you Will resist that your effort becomes an achievement.
Put another way: the process to avoid perfectionism will be a struggle between yourself, between your thoughts that want to change and your thoughts Which are resistant to change.
So, if you do not have a very clear idea of why you want to change, most likely your perfectionist thoughts will win you over.
To prevent this from happening, make a list of all the drawbacks you get being a perfectionist, what could improve on you if you change this Situation and why you want to stop being it.
Make a list as long as you can and always carry it with you, since you can bring a dose of extra energy in those moments that you feel more distressed.
3-Identify Your Perfectionist Thoughts
Perfectionism is governed by certain thoughts that appear automatically in your mind in certain situations and that cause you a behavior Determined.
For example: you are doing a task and when you have finished it you have a thought like"the task is not sufficiently well done", which Makes you start to systematically revise or retouch the activity.
However, this automatic thinking is governed by your way of thinking (a perfectionist way of thinking) and you do not give yourself time to analyze if that Thinking is appropriate or not, and you give it for good automatically, so you assume that the task is not correct.
In this way, the first step to avoiding thoughts and perfectionist behaviors is to know how to identify these types of cognitions. If you do you will Analyze them in more detail and you will have more options to avoid perfectionism.
Make a table in which there are 4 columns: situation, emotion, thought and behavior.
Each time you are doing a task, stop for a moment and fill in the chart, noting in which situation you are, what thoughts and behaviors you have performed And what an emotion you have experienced.
4-Analyze and adapt them
Once you have finished completing the tables (you must have matched the thought that you have had every time that perfectionism has appeared) you can start To work on these thoughts.
Stop in each one of them and try to find an alternative thought that is not a perfectionist.
For example: before the thought"the task is not sufficiently well done"you may ask:"What proof do I have that it is not right?".
You can also propose an alternative thinking such as"maybe it is not perfect but it is well done"or"humans are not perfect should not Permanently seek perfection in a task that is well performed."
The goal is that once you have proposed alternative thoughts for every perfectionist thought, you are able to appear every time That perfectionism will take over you.
In this way, when you come to a perfectionist thought you will also appear one that is not, and you will have a greater capacity to value properly Whether the task should be improved or not.
5-Expose to imperfections
Then you can test the previous exercise to experience in the first person the consequences of both the perfectionist thoughts As of alternative thoughts.
Perform tasks and give them finished even though in your mind there are perfectionist thoughts like"this task is not good enough".
At that moment your alternative thought"I have no proof that I am not well enough"has appeared.
Give a vote of confidence to your alternative thinking (even if it is by way of proof) and note what their consequences have been.
Have you been retaliated for doing something that was not perfect? Have you finished the task faster? Have you been more productive? Have you felt less Distressed not to be hours and hours reviewing it?.
6-Define Your Goals
Once you are trained to generate alternative thoughts to perfectionists, you must clearly define What are your goals .
Surely perfectionism prevents you from working in a fast, productive and decisive way, so now that we have tools to control it, We can begin to consider these goals.
Make a list of things you have to do (not how you have to do them) in a given period of time, and keep this list as the goal What to get.
7-Starts
Now we can start working, being very aware that we will do it in a different way than we have done so far, since we We will do without being extremely perfectionists.
Take the above list and start doing the activities. Whenever you see a perfectionist thought put thought into practice Alternative that you have done previously so that perfectionism does not stand in the way of achieving your goals.
8-Set a time limit
So that you can combine your goals with your perfectionism, which has not disappeared (remember that we are learning to manage it, not to eliminate it) It is very important that you delimit the time. For this, it is good that you organize and delimit a maximum time for each activity.
You do not have to start demanding to the maximum, so you can give yourself a reasonable time for each task, but always keeping in mind that the Time that delimits each activity should allow you to achieve the rest of objectives.
The purpose of this eighth step is to be able to perform a task in a certain time and reasonable (never excessive) so that it does not Take time to surpass yourself with perfections.
In order to be able to perform each task in a given time frame, you probably have to use your list of alternative thoughts to prevent your Behavior perfectionist, which could cause you to waste a lot of time.
9-Analyze your results
Once you have done all the tasks that marked your list of goals, in a more or less fast and without having time for your Perfectionist behaviors, analyze what the results have been.
Have you done very badly everything? Do the results differ greatly from those you obtained earlier? How long would it have taken you to do all this? When you used perfectionism and how long have you taken now?
Surely you can draw your conclusions and see that, although you have not been able to perfect as much as a part of you would like, your results have Have been much less than before and have not been so distressed.
10-Change your perfectionist ideas
With everything you've done so far, you can begin to change your more general assumptions about perfectionism.
Are your perfectionist thoughts valid and immovable? Can other thoughts be just as valid? Is it profitable to run from A perfectionist way or is it better to try to avoid it when it is not necessary?
The purpose of this last point is to recapitules everything you have done so far and you see that it really is very useful to be able to manage perfectionism.
In this way, you can take it away and prevent it from playing a fundamental role in your way of working.
And how have you done to avoid perfectionism? Eat with us. Thank you!
References
- Costa, M and López E. (2008). Education for health. Practical guide to promoting healthy lifestyles. Madrid: Pyramid.
- Pérez Álvarez, M., Fernández Hermida, J.R., Fernández Rodríguez, C. and Amigó Vazquez, I. (2003). Guide to effective psychological treatments. Vol I, II and III. Madrid: Pyramid.
- M.A. Young couple. (1998). Handbook of Behavioral Therapy. Vol. 1 i 2. Madrid: Dykinson.