The Partner crisis Are normal, can be solved and overcome, and are even necessary if they lead to an understanding and a solution. To be constructive you have to know Manage them, and it is often quite expensive to find the tools to do so.
If you find yourself in a couple crisis and you feel that you can not find a way out of it, since you both have entered a vicious cycle of Discussions without destiny, and you are taking ownership of a feeling of despair, this article can help you see the way out of this situation.
10 Solutions to overcome partner crises
Stop thinking that you are the victim and the other the culprit
Points 1 and 2 are the fundamental steps that you have to take if you want to solve the crisis in which you are. Without these first steps, it is It is difficult for you to achieve the following.
The position of victim entails in itself a position of passivity, of not acting, of not trying to resolve the conflict but rather to gloat in the Feeling of pain
In addition, victimization often causes a greater feeling of anger on the part of the other person that leads him to think:"now he becomes the victim to That goes behind"with what exactly produces the opposite effect to the desired one:"it is not going to get it", entering both in a game of damages and prejudices Increasingly difficult to handle.
As surely you know there is no victim and culprit but you are both victims and guilty at the same time.
Stop thinking that you are absolutely right and the other victimizes
If you think that you fit more with this second option, stop and reflect. Maybe you need to slow down.
Think that if your partner is in a constant victim role, maybe it is because somehow he does not feel understood by you. Maybe you have not Transmitted enough empathy , Affection and emotional support; And with his position of victim he claims those shortcomings.
Sit down and talk to your partner and ask how you feel. Try to understand their feelings without judging.
Identify what the problems of couple
To be able to solve Couple problems , The first thing is that both parties want to solve your problems. Once you are both committed to To resolve conflicts, the next step is to identify those conflicts.
Take some time to think. Making a list each one separately listing conflicts can help you identify them. The next step will be the To discuss them together.
When putting them in common, it is important that you have an attitude of listening and empathy towards the other, facilitating the exchange of opinions for the purpose To reach a mutual agreement that generates a change.
When addressing the list of problems listed, do it one at a time and sequentially.
Ask yourself what you have done wrong
Asking you what I have done wrong helps to reduce anger toward what the other has done wrong, as you can begin to understand why your partner has Acted that way so unpleasant for you.
This helps to break the duality of"the good and the bad"and to approach the idea that things are relative.
Could he have done better? How? If he / she had done it to me, how would I feel? These are the questions that bring you closer to the resolution Of the conflicts with your partner.
To ask for forgiveness and to give in does NOT mean to bow down
Curiously, the idea has been established that giving up and asking for forgiveness of the other implies lowering and that the other"win the battle".
This idea is totally counterproductive to you, and with ideas that are counterproductive the best we can do is to discard them.
Do not seek to win the battle, to be right, to be the possessor of the truth. This does not lead to inner peace and happiness. In fact if you are looking to win The battle and being right indicates that you do not have inner peace. Then work so you can have it.
How does it?
Consider the reverse: if you are able to go to your partner, ask forgiveness for your mistakes and try to solve your problems, indicates a high Degree of maturity, to be able to put things on the table in a sensible way and cut with the vicious and absurd game in which you found.
If you stop to think, surely the people with the most inner peace you know are the easiest to ask for forgiveness and resolve conflicts In a sensible way.
So leave behind the false myth that giving in and asking for forgiveness is lowering yourself and beginning to see it as something that leads you to feel better with yourself, with The others and to find that inner peace that you are looking for.
Do activities with your partner and go out with friends
Often, partner crises are marked by falling into the rut. A work-based routine-come home-dine-see the Television-sleep-work...
The crisis of the routine does not come suddenly and unexpectedly, but both members of the couple often realize that they are carrying a Life more routine.
However, none of them uncovers this small conflict of easy solution and, over time, it ends up becoming something much more catastrophic and dramatic.
Many times the couple does not put this subject on the table and the culprit of it is"the comfort and the conformity".
Each member of the couple thinks something like this:"We have not been going out for a while or doing things, but hey, she does not care much anymore. More moving times will come".
With this thought are passing days, months and years; And comfort and conformity are gaining ground leading to boredom, and worst of all: The loss of illusion in the couple.
If you find that your life as a couple has entered into routine stop it immediately. Do not let time go by. You've already let yourself go too far weather.
Sit down with your partner and explain that for some time you feel that your life as a couple has entered a routine and that the purpose of this talk is Recover the illusion of the couple doing things together.
A good way to recover the illusion of a couple after a period of lethargy is to go to that place that you used to go years ago that both you liked and so Well it made you feel; That city, that restaurant, that viewpoint, that excursion... or do what you have said so many times to do but never You did
Apart from these solo moments that you have to recover, it is also important to do things with friends and meet new people.
Social relations bring a lot of freshness and renewal to the couple. It is important not to lose sight of it and maintain an active social life.
Revitalizes your sexual relations
If you think that sexual relations with your partner have ceased to be a desire to become routine, this situation changes.
Ask yourself: what can I do to improve the quality of sex? And suppresses the thoughts of:"he / she is very passive". Yes You have entered into a routine in sexuality is because both have let that happen.
Break the barrier of silence and plan for your partner what you feel. Talk openly about your sexuality as a couple, about what you like, what you That you do not like
It is also good to talk openly about sex with your friends, so they can bring you new ideas as well as try sexual objects that Bring fun and diversity.
Your children are NOT more important than your partner
It often happens that a couple become parents and devote themselves fully to their children to the point of forgetting that although they have to face The difficult task of being parents, the couple has to remain a couple.
Of course, you, as a father, want Your children are happy , Help them in everything they need and take care of them so that nothing bad happens to them and suffer thus.
However, the pain and suffering in life is inevitable, and you can not try to avoid the suffering of your child because it is uncontrollable and inevitable. Better option is to teach him to learn to overcome the pain and suffering that life inevitably gives us.
This, sometimes, about involvement and protection with the children, can lead you to focus too much your attention on them, leaving in the background your Couple and making your children the fundamental pillar of the family.
This situation causes consequences that are likely to damage the family system and, of course, the couple.
In the first place, the children come to bear a burden that does not correspond to them: that of being the fundamental pillar of the family.
On the one hand, this pleases them as they feel they are important within the family, but on the other hand they are a burden and a very large weight since Leads them to think that without them the family dismounts and, of course, that is a great responsibility.
Secondly, at the level of a couple is looming a distance getting to the point of being able to feel uncomfortable when you are alone with you couple.
With the passage of the years, coinciding with the departure of the children of the home, this estrangement from the couple can become much more evident.
But fortunately everything has a solution, and if you are aware that this problem exists, you just have to try to redirect it.
How does it?
Stop focusing on the children and focus on your partner. In the beginning, your children are likely to respond with irritability. Of course, they feel they are Losing the importance they had within the family.
Despite your tantrums, continue with the plan to pay more attention to your partner because your partner has to be more important than your child.
In the long run it will help them to understand that their parents are the fundamental pillar of the family and they have removed a great responsibility from above. In addition to the satisfaction and security that will provide them to see that their parents love and are united.
Be persistent and do not throw in the towel
It is not enough to sit for a day and talk. The relationship requires more effort and especially if you are in a crisis. If you really want Fix the situation with your partner fight for it.
The thought of"is that he does nothing to fix it"and to become passive does not bring you closer to your goal. If you really see that your partner is not Ask what happens to you.
Remember to always be in an active position, without losing sight of your goal and clearing any position of passivity.
Go to couples therapy
If after deliberately putting into practice these tips you notice that there is no improvement, it is time to consider couples therapy.
Perhaps your partner problems require a deeper analysis and need the help of a professional who can deal with these deeper causes. Which you may not be aware of or do not know how to address them.
To do this, you must take away from your mind, if you have them, those prejudices that often follow couple therapy:"I do not need anyone to tell me how I have to do things,""nobody better than I can understand what the problem is,""going to the psychologist is weak,""I do not want to tell my intimacies to Someone I do not know".
If you have a problem with your partner and you do not know how to solve it, it is clear that you do need help. So take away those prejudices and go for your goal: Recover the illusion with your partner.
And what problems do you have in your partner crisis? What have you tried to overcome? Your opinion will help readers. Thanks!