My Girlfriend left me Can I get over it? A love break is one of the most complicated situations of managing and franking. In those moments, feelings of sadness arise very easily and achieving well-being becomes a very complex task.
Likewise, when the decision to terminate the relationship is carried out solely by one partner, the emotional situation of the other person may be even more delicate.
This fact is explained by two main reasons. First, unlike the person who performs the breakup, the member of the couple"whom they have left"does not usually present any kind of desire or interest in the relationship ending.
On the other hand, when someone is left by their partner, it is usually habitual to develop Feelings of guilt . Thought usually focuses on the negative aspects and analyzing the things that have motivated the couple's decision to end the relationship.
In this sense, the Self-esteem of the person Which have left can be seen in question, which can lead to important psychological and emotional changes.
For this reason, it is particularly important to Know how to manage properly In those moments, and act in the most healthy way possible.
Here are 10 tips that can be helpful to achieve these goals and that can help overcome the break.
Tips to get ahead if your girlfriend has left you
1- Accept the break
The first step that must be taken to overcome a sentimental breakup due to the decision of the other partner is to accept that the relationship is over.
It is usual that in the first moments appear thoughts and feelings of denial. This fact is highly prevalent for the simple reason that the person does not want the relationship to end.
Thus, as with many other aspects of life, the first reaction is usually characterized by rejecting a reality that is not desired and that does not allow to meet personal needs.
However, prolonging denial can be highly complex. Before a sentimental breakup it is indispensable that the person develops a process of healthy and adapted mourning, and this can not be achieved if the first phase of negation is not overcome.
Distribute the fault
Another important element to take into account in the initial moments of the rupture is to evaluate and distribute the guilt in a reasonable and equitable way.
In general, when someone is left behind, the feeling of guilt usually focuses solely on oneself.
Usually it is customary that in this type of situations the person develops thoughts about what he has done wrong and the reasons why his partner no longer wants him.
However, focusing attention and analyzing the situation in this way is very dangerous. In fact, it is a highly self-destructive procedure that can take its toll over time.
And is that when someone is self-responsible for external decisions puts a good part of their self esteem And their emotional state.
The guilt about what has happened must be analyzed in a calm and reasoned way, without letting the developed feelings take complete control of the process.
3- Perform the grieving process
Beyond the acceptance of the rupture and the equitable distribution of responsibilities, any separation of feelings requires the elaboration of a process of mourning.
In this sense, if your partner has just left you, you can not try to overcome it from one day to the next and the feelings of sadness that you experience disappear immediately.
In fact, this is a common practice when the sentimental breakup is accompanied by feelings of anger, anger or hatred towards the ex-partner. However, this type of emotional response often turns against.
People who try to convince themselves that they have overcome the break easily are actually avoiding the grieving process and therefore are not working out the loss.
So, if you experience a great deal of feelings do not worry. This response is normal and even beneficial. Your me of now has to go wrong so that your future self can completely overcome the rupture.
4- Do not mask your emotions
A typical reaction that develops in the sentimental ruptures, especially when the one who has made the decision of Finish the relationship Is the other member of the couple, is to try to avoid the emotions.
Many people believe that avoiding feelings of sadness and thinking that everything is going well is the fastest way to overcome the loss and start a new life.
However, the psychological functioning of people is too complex to find solutions as simple as sensitive situations such as broken feelings.
In fact, masking the emotions is a practice that inhibits the grieving process and, therefore, prevents overcoming the loss that has occurred.
So, it is convenient that in the moments that you need to pay attention and express the emotions and feelings that you are experiencing.
This does not mean that emotions must be released without any filter and let them take over the psychological functioning and state completely, but it does imply the search for specific situations and moments in which the accumulated tension can be released .
5- Detect your thoughts
Once the first moments of the break have passed, where everything is emotionally intense and uncontrollable, a stage of greater calm usually appears.
However, this stage in which perhaps it is not cried so much and the despair has diminished is highly important. At the moment, sadness tends to intensify and feelings of guilt can take over, so it is important to do some psychological work.
You have to be clear that your state of mind and your emotions are modulated mainly by your thoughts. In this sense, it is convenient that you do not let your thoughts appear constantly automatically and uncontrollable, and spend some time in detecting and analyzing what you think.
6- Analyze and modify your thoughts
Once you have detected the main thoughts you will realize that most of them are focused on the breakup. Likewise, you will notice that most of your thoughts have a negative character.
Although having negative thoughts after a sentimental breakup is inevitable, it is important that they be as sane and reasonable as possible.
In this sense, it is usually beneficial to analyze in detail what is thought with the aim of avoiding extremist and unreasonable thoughts.
Developing a certain distance between what you feel and what you think is often very helpful. One thing is the feelings of sadness and another thing is the analysis of the situation.
The emotional state should not completely govern the opinions and thoughts about the breakup.
7- Seek support
Making the point above can be a rather complex task. At times when you feel better is usually easier to analyze the facts reasonably, but when the emotional state is intense is often more complex.
Likewise, in a neutral emotional state, a single negative thought about the rupture can immediately lead to a continuation of negative emotions and a catastrophic vision of what happened.
For this reason, it is essential to seek support. Having people around you during the mourning process helps eliminate a lot of feelings of guilt, take a calmer view of the breakup and even experience positive emotions.
8- Avoid emotional shelters
In contrast to the previous point, it is often highly harmful to look for elements in which to take shelter after the break. There are people who at the moment focus only on work or other activities.
However, in these cases the behavior only pursues a single objective: to avoid the mourning process and the experimentation of negative feelings and emotions.
For this reason, it is inadvisable to take refuge in work or other aspects of life. The rupture must be elaborated and for this it is necessary to allow the sadness to appear.
9- Look for distractions
Although it is not good to take refuge in activities to avoid thinking and feeling about the break, it is very beneficial to find distractions.
Having certain activities during the day that allow you to experience positive feelings is one of the main sources of energy to overcome the break.
10- The alternatives
Finally, in order to overcome a rupture, the most practical aspects must be taken into account. When you have a relationship, you spend a good part of your time doing things with your partner.
This situation changes completely when the relationship ends, so it is vitally important to find elements that can replace the activities you did with your partner.
Staying more with friends, doing more activities with family or starting leisure activities or sport Are often helpful.
References
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- Carnwath Y. Miller D. Cognitive Therapies. In: Carnwath Y. Miller D. Behavioral Psychotherapy in Primary Care: Practical Handbook. 1st Edition. Martínez Roca. Barcelona, 1989.
- Cubas Ferreyra, D., Espinoza Rueckner, G., Galli Cambiaso, A. and Terrones Paredes, M. (2004). Cognitive behavioral intervention in a group of female patients with affective dependence. Journal of Psychiatry and Mental Health Hermilio Valdizan (Vol.2, 81-90).
- Elisardo Becoña et al. Treatment guidelines and guidelines for clinical practice: A view from the clinic. Papers of the Psychologist. Madrid, 2004.
- Vallejo J. Classification of affective disorders. In: Vallejo J, Gastó C. Affective disorders: anxiety and depression. 2nd Edition. Masson. Barcelona, 2000.