Is the Friendship between men and women Possible or can not have a healthy relationship without sexual intercourse? This is a question that everyone has ever asked.
Based on daily experience, a large number of men and women could provide examples of friendly relations between the different sexes that have not yet become romance.
However, this topic still raises debates and doubts. Several researchers have tried to shed some light on this issue.
In this article I will tell you what are the characteristics, according to recent scientific studies, of the friendship between opposing sexes and the keys to answer the subject that occupies us. So, can a man and a woman be"just friends"? Find out later.
Friendship is necessary to survive
From an evolutionary perspective, relating to other people is a key factor in human survival. Social interaction is the prerequisite for a sexual exchange and the consequent transmission of genes to new members of the species.
However, the goal of reproducing has nothing to do with friendship. We do not make friends to be carriers of our genes and usually do not reproduce with them. So what is the role of friendship in survival?
Friendship is a type of relationship that is defined as a voluntary, cooperative and personal relationship, which involves different degrees of understanding, intimacy, affection and mutual assistance. It offers a series of benefits that, historically, may be related to the maintenance of life.
Friends can provide us with food, shelter or care when we need it, and connect with potential sexual partners to ensure that we end up reproducing. Forming affective bonds with other people is, in addition to being rewarding, necessary to develop ourselves as human beings in a harmonic way.
However, the literature is still ambiguous regarding the friendship between men and women. The reproductive objective seems to be one of the most important that directs human behavior. This can cause friendship between different sexes to lead to"something more", at least for one of the parties.
Friendship between men and women is more complex
Research on this subject is rather scarce, perhaps because friendships between different sexes are much less common than same-sex friendships.
In addition, if a man and a woman have a special relationship, even if they state that there is no sexual attraction, it may be viewed as erroneous or arouse suspicion in other members of the social group.
In this sense, the relationships between different sexes seem to be more complex than those that occur only between women or only between men.
When a friendly bond is born between a man and a woman, both sides must face three fundamental challenges.
In the first place, both have to clarify what degree of emotional exchange they will share. The possibility of greater intimacy arises forces both parties to confront sexuality in the relationship and to use a part of their efforts in managing it properly to maintain the friendship.
Secondly, in a Non-egalitarian society , The man and woman who share a friendly relationship face the challenge of building an equitable exchange and equalizing the roles and functions within the bond.
Finally, the pressures of the social group can influence the relationship. Both should present the relationship as a true friendship and strive to prove that this is so.
These types of links can, in addition, To provoke jealousy By their partners, so they must convince them that such friendship is not a threat to the relationship.
Suspicions may not be unfounded
In a way, when a man and a woman share"just a friendship"there is reason to think that there is something more between them. Often, as we said, both of them must address the issue of sexual attraction in their relationship, as it evolves and the degree of emotional exchange grows and settles.
Both men and women report being sexually attracted to one or more of their opposite sex friends, although this is most often manifested in male partners. In addition, both sexes admit to experiencing ambiguity as to the sexual limits in the relationship.
However, many people claim that such ambiguities add to sex appeal, regardless of whether or not there may be real sexual exchange between them at some point.
Everything seems to indicate that both men and women can easily experience sexual attraction between them in a friendly relationship because of the evolutionary strategies that guarantee reproduction.
However, such strategies are operating in a modern social context and our advanced system is much more complex.
Different genders, different perspectives of the friendly relationship
The benefits of having a friendship with a partner of the opposite sex may differ depending on whether you are a woman or a man. This means that the question"can a man and a woman have only one friendship?", The answer could vary if one sex or the other responds.
According to recent research, men and women differ in their value to the different benefits of friendship between the sexes, such as access to sexual intercourse, protection, obtaining resources, and information about the opposite sex.
This imbalance could, according to science, cause some problems in the establishment of uniquely friendly ties between men and women, since both will seek, depending on what they value more or less, different objectives in the relationship.
Men are more willing to have sexual intercourse
Science confirms that men value sexual access in a friendly relationship with a woman as more beneficial. This can happen because in the beginnings of our species, men and women have had differences in Parental investment .
While women were to invest 9 months of gestation, along with subsequent breastfeeding, to carry forward their offspring, men only required a sexual exchange to ensure the transfer of their genes and perpetuate the species.
Thus, from an evolutionary perspective, the benefits of having sexual access to a wide variety of opposite sex partners would be logically greater in men than in women, which makes men more likely to value this possibility of sexual intercourse in a friendship And are more likely to fall in love with their friends.
Moreover, on most occasions, when a man assures that a friend feels sexual attraction towards him without being able to correspond to him, it is because there has been some tacit sexual exchange previously.
This seems to confirm that men take more advantage of opportunities for sexual intercourse, even if there is not much attraction on their part.
Is the attraction for a friend the same in men as in women?
According to research in this field, men tend to feel more sexual attraction for their female partners than the other way around.
In addition, they tend to think that the attraction is reciprocal, saying that the friend they are attracted to, also has similar feelings towards him.
Women, on the other hand, do not usually feel attracted to their male friends in the same intensity, referring in turn that this"no attraction"is also mutual.
Women tend to platonize the relationship, not seeing so many opportunities to turn that friendship into a romance.
Therefore, it is usually men who take the step in the search of evolving friendship in a romantic-sexual relationship (be it a sexual exchange only or looking for a stable relationship), which always affects the friendship in greater or lesser grade.
Does marital status matter?
Scientific research also gives us results as to whether marital status influences how men and women manage their attraction to their opposite-sex friendships. As in the other aspects, both sexes differ.
Men state that marital status is not important to them when it comes to attracting a friend. For them the fact that she has a partner is not an impediment to feel sexual attraction.
However, for women it is important, since they do not tend to be interested in friends who have a relationship. Men who are married or have a partner do not give them the same attraction as those available.
So, can there be friendship between men and women?
Research suggests that both women and men view friendship differently. While men interpret the signs of friendship as potentially sexual or romantic, women do not act in the same way.
In conclusion, the scientific findings suggest that for women it is possible to maintain a successful friendship with a male partner, while from the male perspective, the chances of a mere friendship becoming something more are much greater.
Does this mean that we should avoid trying to make friends with people of the opposite sex? Absolutely. Friendship, as we said at the beginning, is a need and a vital enrichment that helps us to develop, learn and be happy.
However, discrepancies in the objectives of friendly relations between different sexes seem to reveal that it is necessary to be aware of the different situations that we can face and how best to manage them.
Some keys to managing friendship with the opposite sex
Although both sexes have great differences as to what they seek in a friendship, science also confirms that in both cases they also have common goals.
Both men and women value finding a friend of the opposite sex a partner to talk, get company, increase their self-esteem, share resources, etc.
In this way, if both are on their side, true and satisfying friendships can be created in some situations.
To do this, we must know the different needs that seek to satisfy both sexes through friendship, be communicative and be clear what each person wants in that friendship relationship in concrete.
1- Understand that not everyone looks the same
Each person looks for something different in relationships of friendship. Some seek company, support, resources, affection or even have sporadic sex.
We tend to think that our point of view in these matters is the only one that exists, and that it is even more valuable, noble or adequate than that of others. That's not true.
In order to generate satisfactory relationships of friendship, both with the same sex as with the opposite, we must understand that there are as many relations of friendship as people. This will help us open the mind and know what we want and what not in a friendly relationship.
2- Learn to communicate your intentions
Difficulties in a friendly relationship between a man and a woman begin when both individuals are not honest about their goals.
When meeting a person of the opposite sex, they can lie about their desires out of fear, shame, because they think that if they say what they really want the friendship will not work, etc.
For example, a man may say that he only looks for companionship when in fact he wishes to form a stable relationship.
Or a woman may say that she only seeks a sporadic relationship, when in fact she feels a romantic attraction towards that particular person.
So if you want something specific in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, it is important that you tell it and show it.
This may require an open conversation and ask questions that help openly understand each other's goals.
3- Find out if you are in the same point
When it comes to building a friendship with a person of the opposite sex, it is useful to know the other's situation, his goals, how he perceives the relationship, etc.
In this way, you can share points of view and understand whether they are both looking for the same or if one is open to something else.
It may happen that both people want the same, even if it involves sporadic sexual intercourse.
In any case, the important thing is that there is a balance between what they both want, otherwise frustration can deteriorate the relationship to the point where it breaks.
And you, what do you think about the friendship between men and women? do you think it's possible?
References:
- Blescke-Rechek, A., Sommers, E., Micke, C. (2012) Benefitorburden? Attraction in cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, Vol. 29 (5), pp. 569-596.
- Blescke, A., Buss, D. (2000) Can men and women be justfriends? Personal relationships vol. 7, pp. 131-151.
- O'Mehara, J. D., (1989) Cross-sex friendship: fourbasicchallenges of anignoredrelationship. Sex Roles, a journal of research, vol. 21 (7), pp. 525-543.
- Rawlins, W. (2009) Cross-sex friendship and the communicative management of sex-role expectations. Communication Quarterly, vol. 30 (4), pp. 343-352.
- Walker, K. (1994) Men, Women, and Friendship: WhatTheySay, What They Do. Gender & Society, vol. 8 (2), pp. 246-265.