He Empty nest syndrome Is the feeling that parents have of sadness, longing, loss and pain when the children become independent from the family home. The main symptom is a feeling of sadness, it can lead to depression and is more common in single women.
At first you can think that these feelings are totally normal after the departure of a son, because they are many years to his side, taking care of him and Educating him, so it is normal to feel distress when leaving home.
You are correct, to feel all those emotions are normal before the departure of a child, the problem arises when those feelings interfere in the Daily life of the parents, preventing them from carrying out their life with normality.
This syndrome is not developed exclusively by the parents, but also the guardians or parents in charge of the raising of the son.
Empty nest syndrome is more prevalent today than it was decades ago. This is because in the past families lived in the same village Or in the same neighborhood, where they remained united, they shared daily activities and they were seen daily.
It is less common to live near your parents at this time. In case of living in a town, the young people go to study or to live to the cities, and, In case of living in the city, the children look for neighborhoods that fit their needs, regardless of where their parents live.
You may find this problem in both men and women, although it is usually more common in women.
What causes the empty nest syndrome?
Each person has individual characteristics that may or may not favor the development of certain problems, syndromes or pathologies.
Next, you'll discover if you have some of those elements that may make you more prone to develop the empty nest syndrome.
Influential factors:
That you are a person whose only function in life has been to take care of your child.
Do not accept that your child has grown up, matured and is independent.
That you had a very close relationship with him.
That you think your son is your property.
Let him be independent.
May your main values in life be the family or the care of your child.
Do not have the right coping strategies.
Have a little social support.
Have a low cultural level.
Whether you are a widow, a spouse, a divorcee, or a single person.
Have the menopause.
May you be retired.
Etc.
Consequences of Empty Nest Syndrome
When a parent develops the empty nest syndrome, there are a number of consequences on the person that make their day to day.
If you find yourself in this situation it is very common that you feel:
Pain.
Loneliness.
Sadness.
I long.
Affliction.
Hopelessness.
That you want to be alone.
That you cry frequently.
Feel weak.
Do not make sense of your life.
You lose interest in what you were interested in before.
Etc.
All these feelings are compatible with the feeling of freedom and relief that many parents feel with the march of their children, which is more normal Of what you can think at first.
It is also very normal to develop:
Depression .
Anxiety .
Emotional dependence .
Sleeping problems.
Power problems.
Weight problems.
Problems of couple .
Health problems.
Drug addiction.
Alcoholism.
Etc.
In this context it is normal that you have a continued concern about how your child will be, that you hope that he will return, that you complain about the Situation and that you feel disappointed and abandoned because you have left.
It is also very frequent for parents to blame emancipation for the couples of their children with whom they become independent, which causes more problems to Part of those already mentioned.
Unfortunately, mismanagement of the independence of a child can lead to the emergence of ideas in parents of wanting to disappear, sometimes resulting in In suicidal ideas.
There are certain factors that can aggravate all the consequences just listed, such as that your child moves to another Autonomous community or country, where the chances of seeing you are reduced considerably.
10 Tips to Deal with Empty Nest Syndrome
Then I will explain 10 tips to overcome a problem that affects many families today and that generates a lot of pain.
1-Assume the independence of your child
To be able to face the independence of your son you have to accept that he is already older, autonomous and wants to live his life, just like you did in your moment.
The family has been your child's main support pillar for many years, but there comes a time when you want to emancipate yourself and start living your life Independently, whether with friends, couple or alone.
Do not worry, the family will continue to be a very important support in your life, the difference is that now you live in different homes.
It is very important not to blame the couples or friends for the emancipation of your child, since who has decided to leave has been him, independently With whom you leave.
Remember: the couple or friends They are not to blame for anything .
2-Have patience
How long have you been living with your child? Maybe twenty, twenty-five or thirty?
They are many years at the side of a person, and not just any person, but someone you have loved, spoiled, educated and taught since before you had use of reason. Your son is not anyone, he is one of those few people for whom you would give the life.
For this reason I ask for your patience, because when someone so important goes from living with you to becoming independent and, therefore, seeing less Often, the emotions that surface are painful and the situation is difficult.
Be patient, adapting to the changes takes time and more if the changes are important and have to do with your child.
3-Reflect
It is important that you take the time you need to reflect on what is happening to you. For this you can ask questions like the ones that come to continuation:
Why is my son so hurting so much?
What role does my child have in my life?
How will my life be without my son by my side?
These questions can help you find out why you do not accept your child's departure and what concerns or fears are behind it.
Maybe you find out that your son filled a void inside you, that caring for him was a way of not taking on other responsibilities, which helped keep Together with the family, which was one of your main supports...
To realize all this is the first step you must take to improve yourself.
4-Inform yourself
It is very important that you know what is happening to you. For this reason you should inform yourself, either through articles like this, books, videos... with The goal of identifying your problem: the empty nest syndrome.
Identifying the problem will help you normalize all the tide of emotions you are feeling at this point in your life, it will help you to give you Realize that you are still the father / mother of your child even if it is independent, it will help you to find yourself better with yourself...
In short, to improve you have to know what happens to you.
5-Keep in touch with your child
Many parents feel abandoned, unloved, rejected and hurt when their child becomes independent, so they unconsciously move away of the. This only aggravates the existing problem.
If you are in this situation do not stop keeping the contact with your son: call him, visit him and that he comes to visit you. No matter how you communicate, It is important that you stay in touch and maintain the relationship you have always had.
Keeping in touch will help you realize that you still love yourself the same as before even if you no longer live together, that is still your son and you Father / mother, that the relationship does not have to change because of the fact that they no longer live at home...
6-Redefine family relationship
After the departure of a child, family relationships may be altered.
In many cases parents return to live together after decades of family life, which can lead to Partner issues Which until now had not Emerged because the family center of attention was the son.
In case the couple's relationship between parents is badly damaged, it is advisable to go to a couple therapy .
To avoid getting to this point remember that forming a family does not mean that you have to abandon the life of a partner you wore before having Children, but now you have two parcels to take care of: the relationship and the family relationship.
If you take care of both plots, when your child becomes independent, you will not have problems in getting back together with your partner.
It may be a little difficult at first to make you the new situation, since you have lived a long time with family, but if you have taken care of your Relationship you will get used to right away and you will enjoy together that time that you now have.
7-Lean on others
The syndrome of the empty nest is translated into a series of Difficult emotions to carry , Such as the loneliness , Affliction, longing or sadness Derived from the emancipation of the child.
In order to overcome this difficult moment, I advise you to support yourself in your family and friends, that is, in those people with whom you feel comfortable and Be willing to listen to how you feel.
In the event that you do not have the necessary social support, look for a group therapy or a support group that suits your needs and in which you Feel comfortable
As Freud put it: "Modern science has not yet produced a soothing medicine as effective as a few kind words."
If those kind words do not find them in your immediate social circle, do not worry, you can find them outside. Do it, it will help you.
8-Develop new interests
Up until now, all your tasks may have revolved around your child: make him food, order his room, wash his clothes... and not have time to Other activities.
At this point we find something positive to the fact that your son has emancipated. You no longer have to carry out all those activities, so You have time for everything you've always wanted to do, but you have not been able to do so.
Invest all that free time in carrying out those activities that you had pending, in developing new interests, in practicing your hobbies, in Spend more time with your partner, with friends...
The objective of this point is that you gradually occupy the free time you have obtained after your son's departure and occupy him in Activities that you like and generate you pleasure and satisfaction.
9-Set Goals
Look at goals In your day to day, so that you get out of bed with a goal to achieve and desire to achieve it.
The goals will vary according to the tastes, can range from finishing a book, making a model or going to the gym, to socialize more with the Neighbors or get a job.
The important thing is that you set goals or occupations that motivate you and you feel like doing them, which will have a very positive impact on your state of mind And in family relationships.
10-Ask for help
Maybe the advice I gave you is not enough to overcome the problem you are going through. Do not worry, not everyone improves with them Tools. You may have to go to a professional in your case.
Look for a psychologist or group therapy to join and go regularly, I'm sure the results will be very positive for you As for the relationship you keep with your child, partner, family and friends.
The beneficial effects of a therapy impact on many areas of your life.
And remember: "The family grows when children make their own."
And how have you acted to overcome the empty nest syndrome?
References
- Canfield, J., Hansen, M. V. (2011). Chicken Soup for the Soul: Empty Nesters: 101 Stories about Surviving and... USA: Chicken Soup for the Soul Publishing.
- Guanchen, S., Shijie, S. (2013). Constructing a Harmonious Family: Family Relationships from Strangement to Interaction. Cross-Cultural Communication, 9 (5), 82-86.
- Khaledian, M., Shooshtari, M., Ahmadimehr, Z., Naseri, E. (2013). The effectiveness of Group Cognitive Behavior Therapy on the rise of hopefulness
In Empty-Nest syndrome. Technical Journal of Engineering and Applied Sciences, 3 (16), 1767-1771. - Mbaeze, I.C., Ukwandu, E. (2011). Empty-Nest Syndrome, Gender and Family Size as Predictors of Aged's Adjustment Pattern. Pakistan Journal of Social Sciences, 8 (4), 166-171.
- Shakya, D. R. (2009). Empty Nest Syndrome. An Obstacle to Alcohol Abstinence. Journal of the Nepal Health Research Council, 7 (15), 135-137.
- Shakya, D. R. (2013). Empty Nest. Mirrored in a Growing Mind: A Case Report. Journal Psychiatrists' Association of Nepal, 2 (2), 43-45.
- Sharifi, K., Anoosheh, M., Foroughan, M., Kazemnejad, A. (2014). Barriers to Middle-Aged Women's Mental Health: A Qualitative Study. Iranian Red Crescent Medical Journal, 16 (6).