The Imaginary friends Are social and psychological phenomena in which friendship or interpersonal relationship takes place in the imagination rather than in physical reality. Although they may seem very real to their creators, children usually understand that their imaginary friends are not real. Approximately one-third of children have a imaginary friend At least once in his life.
We all have had or know someone who in his childhood had a non-existent partner, and presently we have some son, nephew, pupil or close child with an imaginary friend.
Then it is easy to ask: Is it a bad sign that my son has an imaginary friend?
It is normal that if your child or someone close to you has an imaginary friend, you wonder how positive or not it is.
Well, this matter should not be your concern. This phenomenon is very common in children between 3 and 7 years of age, although it can also occur (albeit differently) among young adolescents.
Imaginary companions usually have specific characteristics: In general terms, they are often of the same age and height as their creators, although sometimes they are smaller in size because of the convenience of"putting it in a pocket"and being able to take it anywhere That they go.
Inge Seiffge-Krenke, evolutionary psychologist at the Psychological Institute of the University of Mainz , In a study on this same, verified thanks to the personal diaries of young people that imaginary friends usually have a name, have a specific physical appearance and these traits changes their creator at will. In fact, many of the imaginary friends were changing at the pleasure of the real child.
They usually have very positive attributes: They are affectionate, kind, cheerful and handsome. Often they present characteristics similar to those of their creators, or adopt behaviors that positively direct their behavior. In short, it seems to fit the needs of children at a particular time.
Contrary to what might seem, it is more common that the imaginary friends are anthropomorphic, that is, they have a human aspect, although some children prefer to create that special friend with an image of stuffed animals, dolls, fantastic animals or with very picturesque attributes .
An example of this is Bing Bong , The imaginary friend of Riley Andersen, the girl protagonist of the film Reverse .
In addition, scientific work related to non-existent peers of children and young people points in the same direction: There is no need to worry. In fact, their role in psychic health is positive, since they enhance the cognitive development of children.
What is the role of the imaginary friend?
Imaginary companions of children come to the world with a reason the child is not always aware. These peculiar characters can appear for several reasons.
- Some children and young people create their imaginary friend Because they feel alone . In a study of 152 children between the ages of 5 and 6, led by psychologist Marjorie Taylor at the University of Oregon, 70 percent of these children were found to be the first or only child.
Following this, children from small family units are more likely to create imaginary friends, since the game situations they face are often solitary, and suppose an environment more than conducive to an invisible playmate.
- Another reason that lead small children to create a friend that does not exist is that Have undergone a major change in their lives. Examples of these changes would be a divorce, a change of school, the birth of a little brother or after the death of a person important to him.
They are also used to overcome events that involve some stress, even if they do not involve such a drastic change, as a discussion with a real friend.
- Imaginary friends also appear when children have some difficulty in submitting to adult rules. It is common that the new friend is the author of the mischief of its creators.
If someone stole the treats or broke some dish, it's probably that friend of your son you do not see. In fact, some children decide to punish their friends for misbehaving. It seems that, somehow, imaginary friends help children understand the rules, however, not to follow them.
Younger children still need an adult to tell them what is right and what is not. So sometimes, imaginary friend arises to fulfill this function, as a moral counselor.
But if your child has not experienced any events that you consider meaningful in these terms, do not worry, because there is also an explanation.
For Piaget , The creation of the imaginary friend is not necessarily linked to a Feeling of loneliness Or to stressful situations (or that the child lives them as such). He studied with his own daughter Jacqueline, 3 years old, who did not experience any event of the style at the time of creating his new friend.
This psychologist related the new creation of his daughter as a special form of symbolic play, since his daughter was in the Preoperative stage of cognitive development , That we explain to you in what it consists next .
The stages of children's cognitive development and their relationship with imaginary friends
People throughout life go through different evolutionary periods that determine the evolutionary milestones that we are adding to our Skills and cognitive abilities .
1- Sensorimotor period (0-18 / 24 months)
Intelligence is basically practical, and relates to problem-solving at the action level. The baby seeks to relate to the world through the senses.
2- Preoperative period and organization of the concrete operations
- Preoperative subperiod (18/24 months - 7/8 years) : Intelligence is already symbolic, but its mental operations still lack the logical structure. It is the stage that is intimately linked with imaginary friends.
The pre-operational stage is characterized much more by the patterns of play and the lack of logical thinking of the children. In these years, children have a very egocentric thinking and are not able to mentally integrate the point of view of another person because it is precisely different from his own.
The most important thing about this stage is that children are involved in many games that seek to simulate real situations. For this reason, this type of game is what we call symbolic game.
Examples of the symbolic game is the classic broom used as a horse, use a cardboard box as a car, etc. Following this Piagetian theory, children with imaginary friends act as if they play a role in a play. They are using the symbolic game with them.
In addition, thanks to language development, pre-operational intelligence becomes a private experience to become socialized and shared. That is why it is common for some children to involve their invisible playmate at the table with their parents, or blame their exploits on them.
- Subperiod of the concrete operations (7/8 - 11/12 years) : Thought is already logical, provided that it is applied to situations of concrete experimentation and manipulation. It is still common that there are imaginary friends, although less frequently.
3- Period of formal operations (11/12 - 15/16 years)
It appears the formal logic and the ability to transcend reality by managing and verifying hypotheses exhaustively and systematically. It acquires a thought close to that of adults.
This is not to say that there are no teenagers with imaginary friends, although they are rare. Normally the imaginary friend of the adolescent has a more function of relief, of confidant. They are often described in personal journals (much more common in girls than in boys).
Creativity and communication in children with imaginary friends
Contrary to what might seem, the fact that the younger and younger have imaginary friends is not synonymous with difficulties communicating feelings and emotions.
In general, children with imaginary friends have Greater communicative skills , And present more facilities when it comes to arguing in order to convince their interlocutor. In the case of adolescents, they are usually young people who are characterized by their social skills and by having greater empathy Than his companions with the same age without imaginary colleague.
In fact, we could say that it is also a sign of mental health: Children play less the worse their physical and mental health. Abuse, abuse and abandonment completely eliminate the pleasure of playing. Traumatic experiences mute Children's creativity .
When should I care?
Just as we have said that the imaginary friend is good for your child, because it helps with the overcoming of certain situations and contributes to their cognitive development, not always imaginary friends are such.
Children, no matter how small and how they interact with their invisible friend, know that it is not real. They integrate him into his daily life, but they know that if it is not for them he would not be there with him.
In addition, it supposes a support or a confidante. Someone to play with, talk to, interact with. It's how your child wants it, shows up when he wants to and does what he wants him to do. He is there for and for your son, to help him in some way. It is your child who decides even how long their friendship will last.
You have to worry if your child is not able to tell which is not real, or if it does not mean someone positive to him by being annoying or forcing him to do things that he does not want to do or that are unpleasant to him.
At the time this happens, it may be a pathological hallucination and not an imaginary friend. That is why it is important that when the new partner appears, be aware of the relationship that your child has with him.
In case you suspect that your relationship is not positive, that you do not distinguish your friend from reality or that you are forced to do things you do not want, you need to ask a specialist if your suspicions finally have a pathological foundation. He will guide you and explain what you should do.
You can also read The following article on childhood schizophrenia to know more.
Some tips for parents
Since the presence of a new imaginary guest at home is not negative, you should not worry.
What you can do is Follow the flow To your son, because it is as we have mentioned before in an evolutionary period that is characterized mainly by the symbolic game. In addition, he recalls that it favors his cognitive and Your creativity .
Do not quarrel your son for playing with his imaginary friend . After all, he's a friend to him. You may want to play with him at inappropriate times, such as lunchtime.
At that time, what you should do is Act naturally . Invite him to sit down at the table and eat with you. Since you are one more guest, you must adapt to the rules of the house. You can explain it to your child in that moment with peace of mind.
Do not reject your new friend . If it is there it has a concrete function, it is no accident. He is there because he is an imaginary person very important to him, and rejection on his part can hurt him and be counterproductive.
Respect the rhythm of your child. If you are a teenager, you probably worry that it's too old to have a friend who does not exist. However, you must respect that you use it for yourself, as it is for the little ones, it is there for a function.
Finally, you should keep in mind that your child may not remember the existence of his imaginary friend once he has left. This peculiar companion of games appears overnight to fulfill a function that starts from a necessity, and goes the same way when that function or necessity has already been covered.
What is your experience with children and their imaginary friends?
References
- Kanwar, A., Dickey, T. (2010). Hallucinations in children: Diagnosis and treatment strategies . Current Psychiatry 9 (10).
- Kadane, L. (2015). Why kids invent imaginary friends. Preschoolers often invent imaginary friends. Here are some frequently asked questions about kids and their imaginary playmates .
- Caccavo, N. (2016). Pretend Friends: Preschoolers' imaginary pals may be invisible, but experts say they have some clear benefits .
- Schoenberg, C. (2013). Psychology Classics: Piaget's Stages of Cognitive Development .
- Benson, R., Pryor, D. (1973). When Friends Fall Out: Developmental Interference with the Function of Some Imaginary Companions. Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association 3 (21) p.457-473.
- Seiffge-Krenke, I. (1997). Imaginary companions in adolescence: sign of a deficient or positive development? Journal of Adolescence 20 (2) p.137-154.