Recovering confidence in a person Whether your partner, friend, husband or wife is important to have good personal relationships and lead a good quality of life.
At some point, we have all felt unable to regain the trust we had placed in someone, for various reasons that make us feel disappointed. This feeling is comparable to relationships, relationships of friendship, family and even in the workplace.
However, we are not always a passive part of this feeling, but, often in us lies that behavior unwise with other people in our social environment.
What is trust?
The concept of trust, refers to the fact of making a favorable judgment on something or someone in a given situation. It is generated in us automatically before a person or circumstance that transmits certain emotional security.
For example, we learn to trust little by little someone when that person performs positive reinforcement on us and let that reaction become reciprocal. That is, that self-confidence needs to be nurtured and sustained by two parties so that a relationship between equals is satisfactory.
But, just as it is built, it can easily be torn down if we do not balance those positive reinforcements. Therefore, we will need patience, Be assertive And make introspective critiques to find, if necessary, possible causes that have determined that loss. Later I will detail you specifically, as you get with a few simple tips.
7 tips to regain trust in someone
Recovering confidence in someone requires various aspects to make it possible. Here are a few tips that will help you be able to recover that link:
1- Always being a victim is a mistake
Remember that even if you think you have been a victim of circumstances, it does not mean that you have always been a victim in the whole relationship. That is to say, there is a great difference between wanting to surpass what happened and rejoicing in pain permanently, since the latter does not favor closing old wounds and regaining confidence.
2- Do not give everything for lost
Do not be offended by thinking that there is nothing left to do to regain that lost confidence. Everything depends on the predisposition we have to overcome what happened.
3- Concentrate on positive things
I know it may seem strange to me to try to see the good side of things. But from everything we live, whether good or bad, we extract experiences, and these are always positive. Experiences give us the opportunity to know the causes of certain errors and to be able to remedy them.
4- Learn to be empathetic
I know it's not an easy task to put yourself in another's skin when you've been disappointed. But I want this to help you to try to understand the possible motives that could lead that person to commit that betrayal.
5- Talk about what happened
Put your feelings on the table and show how you felt about it. It will help you to detoxify yourself from that pain.
6- Depersonalize what happened
If you think that the breach of trust was the result of mismanagement of the other person, help him deal with the problem. It will help you Empathize And to know how to forgive.
7- Learn to forgive and forgive
Forgiving that person who has caused you pain will help you to free yourself. On the other hand, it will help you jointly take responsibility for what happened. Learn to forgive yourself also and Do not blame yourself For believing to have allowed the incident to occur.
And remember that relationships that overcome obstacles and rebuild, become stronger and more sincere.
Types of trust
As I explained earlier, trust is the foundation upon which the pillars of successful interpersonal relationships between peers rest. It can be said that, mainly, it is Important to have confidence in ourselves So that later, mutual trust is full and sincere.
For this reason, we say that there are different types of trust, in the sense that it is not the same as that which we deposit in ourselves, such as that deposited with people in our environment or institutions (with the latter we refer to the whole of the Society, government, etc.).
Below, I'll show you the most relevant features of the different types of trust I just mentioned:
Confidence with others
Throughout our life, we have learned to trust other people. In the case of couple relationships, we agree on mutual trust and commitment in terms of loving feelings.
In the case of labor relations, a trust based on support and fellowship is forged, while we often rely blindly on certain institutions and on the proper execution of their competencies, such as justice.
During the process of developing trust, sincerity is a key and necessary factor, to establish a favorable interactive link between the different parties. So, it makes us feel safe in front of the other person. On the contrary, when we are able to detect that the other is not speaking to us with total frankness, automatically the bond of trust we were creating, vanishes.
If we continue to think about the essential components of trust, we know that not only is sincerity essential, but that what we are told has some credibility for us. By this I mean that the knowledge we have about past experiences of the other person (positive and negative), actively influence our perception about it.
For example, imagine that you have resumed a relationship with an ex-partner, who in the past deceived you and was not honest with you. Automatically, your willingness to trust the sincerity of that person again will be less than if you had been honest with yourself from the outset. That is, when we begin a relationship with someone, their background influences us in the future with that person.
Trust also implies reciprocity and exchange of sincerity, with the aim of being an active part of the good development of the exercise of social interaction. Therefore, we as an active part also have the duty to commit ourselves to the promises made to the other, to make an introspective analysis to know and accept our mistakes, and also to learn to assimilate and forgive other people's mistakes.
In the event that there is a break in the social bond and trust, we will try to find and generate new situations where we can recover it according to the aspects mentioned above.
Confidence in ourselves (Self-confidence)
Self-confidence needs to be worked on and nurtured with effort every day, as it is a basic principle for relationships with others to be promising. It is about believing in who we are, priding ourselves on our abilities, but also accepting our limitations, and that these do not symbolize a drag on the development of our personal capacities.
On the other hand, it is also an important aspect to recognize and accept our emotions, to discipline those aspects of ourselves with the intention of Reach new goals , And forge clear goals in life, within a framework of self-control and personal criticism.
Think that trusting in ourselves facilitates our own life and relationships with others, in the sense that we believe ourselves to be successful and confident, all that we will sow and project will be positive things and advantages for our personal development. On the other hand, when we lack confidence or Insecurity in us , We generate a series of situations based on negative aspects, which contaminate us, as well as the rest of the people around us.
And this insecurity of which I speak, develops even emotional instability and discontent in ourselves and in everything we do, boycotting our own faculties, and can even lead to a permanent depressive state. This feeling that I comment, as well as its consequences, are extrapolable to any area of our daily life.
For example, the lack of self-confidence at the social level creates serious difficulties in relating to the environment, causing us instability, which in turn causes us to isolate ourselves by becoming withdrawn with the rest.
Regarding the work environment, the same lack of self-confidence in ourselves, makes difficult our progression within the company, making it impossible to acquire personal merits. Finally, as I have already mentioned, within the relationships of couples, friends, parents or siblings, we generate a negative aura that dynamizes the proper functioning of this type of social relations.
In itself, there are three basic types of trust that the human being develops in relation to their degree of security and / or self-esteem:
- Behavioral confidence : It refers to your ability to face certain situations and obstacles. For example, imagine that you have a final exam to face. Depending on the degree of study you have used, your confidence level will be higher or lower when you go ahead and get a good result.
- Emotional confidence : It refers to the knowledge we have about our own Feelings and how they can help us connect with other people. This confidence arises as the product of an emotional reaction to something or someone.
- Spiritual Trust : It is mainly based on the belief that something is going to have a positive result on us or our environment. This reminds us of phrases such as"I trust that everything will be solved", believing that a good result will be produced on certain facts.
We can also distinguish two other types of trust according to their nature:
- Simple confidence : It is a trust of innate nature, that is, that we all have by itself. It is born and develops in an almost automatic way and disappears before the irruption of some fact that disappoints us, or that is not as we believed, giving rise to the concept of distrust.
- Trust fed : This type of trust, is not innate like the previous one, but develops and nourishes little by little, reflectively. In this case, although it can be lost, if it is possible to build it again with patience and assertiveness.
What happens when we place our trust in someone who disappoints us?
Trusting someone is not an easy task. And it is that when we put our trust in someone and it breaks, we feel frustrated, disappointed and even angry at ourselves for letting ourselves be carried away by something or someone that has not turned out to be what we believed.
We know that self-confidence is considered A positive emotion , Associated not only with the role of the other, but also infers Our level of self-esteem and safety .
However, we tend to blame the other for that failure in the relationship, and as a result, the loss of confidence and disappointment we have felt, becomes widespread.
From there we can deduce why many people find it difficult to have confidence in new partners, new friends, attending to their negative experiences of the past: Infidelity, betrayal by a friend, and a long string of disappointing events that makes us vulnerable Before any conflict, causing the immediate loss of confidence before any stimulus that we consider negative on the part of the other towards us.
That said, I'll tell you that generalizing is a mistake, since we can not prejudge someone we just met because of having had a bad experience with another person in a similar situation.
And what have you tried to regain trust in someone?