Can To overcome a divorce For infidelity or bad coexistence if you act in the right way and you have patience, although it is a painful process.
Today, we can see how the new generations are changing the society in which we live.
The processes of divorce and separation much more frequent than some decades ago. According to him National Institute of Statistics , In 1994 there were 79,161 cases of separation, divorce and annulment, while The figure in 2014 amounted to 105,893.
After going through a divorce process, it is completely normal for you to feel lost, since your future projects have been altered from Suddenly.
The ruptures Are never easy to face, especially after having lived together for years with your previous partner and shared so many moments together.
When there are children in common, the divorce becomes even more complicated. In fact, many couples postpone the decision to divorce in order not to harm their children. Once Decision made , Both you and your ex partner will have to face great changes in your life.
Finding a new home, dealing with new economic expenses, dealing with conflicts over custody of children... All this often causes great Stress, since it is usually accompanied by an emotional roller coaster. It may even happen that you do not find the support you need from your family and friends.
Therefore, in this period of your life, you must pay special attention to yourself, since otherwise you can develop mental illnesses like depression or anxiety disorders .
10 Tips For Overcoming A Divorce And Getting Back To Being Happy
1-Rely on friends and family
It is very important that you talk about your concerns and share your pain with those who offer your support, whether friends or family.
This will help you overcome the feeling of emptiness that comes after a sentimental separation.
It is also important that you put aside the modesty or embarrassment of communicating in your closest environment your new marital status.
It is no use hiding it for fear of criticism, since sooner or later, you will have to face it.
However, as we mentioned earlier, some They are blaming Openly for what happened.
In the early stages, it is especially important that you avoid having contact with these people, since you are more vulnerable to criticism and will have a Very negative effect on your wellness .
Over time, all the people around you will get used to your new situation, even older and traditional people who do not Conceive a divorce process. Otherwise you can Meet new people .
2. Look for new friendships
Surely your circle of friends has been reduced, since during your stage of marriage you used to go out with other couples.
From now on, it will be difficult to keep in touch with some people-especially when it comes to common friends that your ex-partner and you Had.
Therefore, you must start to consider getting to know other people, to be close friends with people you already know or to start moving around in different circles.
For adults it is much more difficult to make new friends than for children or adolescents, since we do not move in such enriching environments like them.
However, there are many methods that allow you to meet new people, such as:
Start a new leisure activity. If you attend a new gym, language classes or painting, you will have the opportunity to interact with people who share your own Interests, while filling your free time in something you like.
Use internet . In these times, most people have overcome the fear that caused people to meet online. Use this feature that
You have at your fingertips if you have difficulties meeting new people.
Hang out with friends of friends . It is much easier to integrate into a group when a member is already known. Also, you will not feel uncomfortable if there is someone to whom You already know
These are just a few examples of the methods you can take to meet new people, although there are many more.
3. Take time to get to know yourself
The previous section referred to the need to meet other people so that you can get to enjoy your free time and share hobbies.
At no time is it to seek a replacement for your previous partner immediately.
In fact, it is advisable to wait a prudent time before starting a new relationship.
If it is too late, because you have met someone else, try not to go too fast in the new relationship - take your time before giving Big steps, like going to live together or getting married.
This is because, after so much time sharing your life with another person, your personality may be diffuse - you are not clear what you used Do because you liked or please the other person.
So, it's time to get to know yourself, before meeting a new sentimental couple.
To carry out this process of self-knowledge, you can start to differentiate between those leisure activities that you did because you were interested and Those that you did for your partner.
The ultimate goal is to be aware of the hobbies that really fill you, so you can continue to do them.
Another activity you can do is write in a journal, so that you can put your feelings in order.
To do this, spend about 30 minutes a day writing everything you can think of about your relationship as husband and wife, the problems you used to Have, the fundamental reasons for divorce, etc.
Do not censor your thoughts, since it is a diary that will only be read by you. Add frequently phrases that make you see how valuable you are, such as"I am strong, this will not break me down,"or"I see myself more Attractive than ever".
This will get Boost your self-esteem -frequently damaged after a divorce process- and you can use these motivational phrases when you You need
4. Avoid looking for guilty
A relationship is a thing of two, so you can not completely blame a single person.
Many people spend much of their time analyzing who was at fault or who acted incorrectly.
However, this is not going to serve you, nor will you manage to calm your pain right now.
Even when the relationship has ended infidelity , Your marriage was probably not at its best.
Therefore, it is best that you focus on rebuilding your life, putting order to your feelings, instead of looking back, thinking about how You could have avoided divorce.
5. Read some self-help book
Read one self-help book Can make you recover more quickly after a divorce, especially when you do not know who to turn to or feel Misunderstood, this resource will be very useful to you.
Here are some self-help books dealing with divorce and sentimental separations:
And now that? Keys to overcoming a break . Juan Bustamante López (2005).
How to survive a breakup . Vicente Garrido (2013).
An elegant divorce or how to fall in love with style . Purification Pujol (2012).
Divorce: How to get ahead. A practical guide to rebuilding your life during and after separation. Alicia García (2015).
6. Be cordial with your ex in front of other people
After a divorce process, many people harbor a deep grudge or hatred towards their former partner.
However, in spite of these negative feelings, you should try to be cordial to your relatives and yours, as well as friends you had in common.
With respect to your children, if you have them, it will also be important that you show kindness to them.
Children are especially vulnerable when they have experienced separation or divorce from their parents, and may interfere with this situation in their personal lives or Academic
Therefore, if you want to help them to adapt to the new situation in the best possible way, try to be respectful to your former partner.
At all times you must try to keep the forms and not let yourself be led by your differences.
This will also help you to make the best decisions regarding your children, together.
7. Make sure your children do not change
As far as possible, you should prevent your children from living new changes in their lives that could destabilize them even more.
Try not to change your residence, or schools or extracurricular activities.
As with adults, children need to rely on their close friends, so it is not appropriate for them to make new friends.
With respect to the information that you must transmit to them, it must never be false - as to say that it is only a temporary separation.
It is also very important that you let them know at all times that they have not been guilty of this situation.
Often, the youngest ones attribute the responsibility for the divorce of the parents, thinking that they have been the cause of the fights between Their parents.
Another great change that should be postponed, as far as possible, is to communicate to the children that the parents already have new sentimental partners.
It is recommended that you wait a reasonable time, after which you can schedule sporadic encounters with new couples before sharing house With him or her.
8. Get professional help if you need it
If after a few months or years since your divorce and, despite your efforts, you can not turn a page, you should consider consulting a Specialist to help you analyze the causes And to propose new ways of solving it.
A psychological intervention can bring you many benefits and can prevent your problems from staying or getting worse.
What Causes Divorces Are Increasing?
The causes of such a sudden increase in the number of divorces and separations are many, including:
Infidelity By some of the members of the couple - and discovery of infidelity thanks to new technologies.
Conflicts with the political family. Having a bad relationship with the relatives of the couple is a cause of confrontations that, if they occur frequently, influence Negatively in the relationship.
Unsatisfactory sexual relations . Although this factor can be considered as a cause and consequence of the deterioration in the couple, the fact is that it leads many couples to take the Decision to divorce
Try to change the other person. When two people get married, often one of them expects the other to change some aspects of their way of being. Frustration Which is produced by failing to do so, can lead to the rupture of the relationship.
Addictions. Gambling, drug addiction or alcohol addiction can also be a fundamental reason for a couple to decide to divorce or separate - due to the continuous conflicts and lies that it entails.
And you, what other advice would you propose to people who have just divorced?
References
- Becerril Ruiz, DE. The social perception of divorce in Spain. Revista Española de Investigaciones Sociológicas (Reis) No. 123, 2008, pp. 187-208
- Garriga Alsina, A., Baizán, P., & Dronker, J. (2010). Consequences of parental divorce and family structure on children's outcomes in European societies: individual, cohort and country explanations.
- Gómez-Díaz, J. A. Phenomenology of divorce (or the essence of separation) in women. Psychology & Society , 2. 3 (2), 391-397 (2011).
- Market Andrade, R. P. (2011). Tesina"Duel of the Sons for Divorce". Mexican Association of Tanatology A.C.
- Oberlin, L.H. (2011). Surviving Separation and Divorce: How to successfully overcome the first years of a new life .