Ending a relationship with a loved one - boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife - is undoubtedly one of the most stressful, exhausting and emotionally poignant situations.
However, it is often preferable that the relationship ends, especially if it is toxic, rather than continue with a life of unhappiness and dissatisfaction, plagued by endless discussions and conflicts.
I'll explain next how To end a long relationship Without hurting, whether lovers, boyfriends or couples established for years.
It is not easy to break the relationship (more so if you take years together) and communicate it to the other person, but if you find yourself in this situation, these 10 steps can be a very useful guide to deal with the problem.
10 steps to end the relationship
1-You must be sure of your decision
Before deciding something as important as the end of a relationship, you have to meditate deeply.
All couples go through stages of crisis, and some may come out strengthened from such stages. Consider talking to your partner On the conflicts that are presented , Trying to find a solution.
When you do, talk about how you feel about this or that fact or situation, rather than talking about the facts themselves. Try to listen to what the other person has to say without thinking about what you are going to respond to while you are listening. Try to put yourself in the other person's place.
Sometimes the couple therapy Can help improve communication and overcome conflicts.
Try to identify what you want in a couple and think if you really could find what you want in your current partner.
Note that the act of falling in love It is always over and when that happens, you start to see the other person's flaws and problems appear, but after this stage a deep and mature love can also arise.
You should not make the decision to end a relationship when you feel angry. It should be a decision made for a time, without being Dominated by emotions Such as anger or resentment.
Finally, if you have meditated well, if you have already exhausted the resources to save the couple and the problems continue, if you really are determined to end the relationship, then there is nothing more to think, except in a suitable plan So that everything ends in the best possible way, although without doubt there will be sadness and pain on both sides.
2-Do not destroy the relationship before ending it
Accentuating conflicts and discussions trying to get more excuses to end the relationship with your current partner or even trying to make it the other person who decides to end is not a good idea.
The jealousy , The complaints and reproaches will surely lead to the end of the relationship, but it will be an unnecessarily painful way. You should not attempt to Sins About your partner trying to cover your own.
Many relationships end after a long road of agony. After this slow erosion, suddenly one of the members of the couple realizes how unhappy he feels.
Behind this situation in general there are many oversights, disrespect, Discussions And reproaches, that were given over time and ended up destroying the relationship.
Do not prolong this agony. If you really want to end this situation, then it is time to finally end it.
3-Speak personally and in private
Without a doubt, it would be an act of cowardice to leave a person on the telephone and in a few words. Or worse yet, by text message, especially if it was a serious relationship of a certain time.
You will have to tell it to yourself (unless you fear a violent reaction from the other person) and in a suitable place. It is a bad drink without a doubt, a very uncomfortable situation, but it is the only way worthy of doing it.
It is not a good idea to go to either house, because it could be a nasty scene.
The best would be a public place, but not too crowded. If you go to a restaurant or a café, for example, and the other person reacts badly (which is to be expected), it is also possible to set up a scene that you will want to forget.
A good place could be, for example, a somewhat secluded place in a park or a square.
4-Plan the details
Improvising in such situations is not a good idea either. Plan the place where you will tell and even the moment.
If you tell them in the morning, they will both feel bad all day. They may have to go to work or study later, and the emotions will not allow them to perform adequately in these activities. It may be best to tell him in the afternoon, after leaving work.
Fridays or Saturdays can be a good option, as both will have a weekend to start accepting the new situation and to process the corresponding duel.
Try not to be on a special date, such as traditional holidays, a birthday or Valentine's Day. And of course, do not say it in a place that has meant something important to the couple, like the place of the first kiss or something similar.
5-Clarity and honesty
According to a study by psychologists at the University of Kansas,"open confrontation"is the least stressful way to end a relationship.
Clearly telling the other person that the relationship has come to an end, even if it sounds like something very negative, is the best option, because the message is more easily internalized by the other person because of its clarity and sincerity.
First of all, when you transmit your intention to end their relationship, you must be very clear and sincere about your wishes, expressing yourself with respect, without reproaches, without blaming yourself or the other person for the rupture .
At the same time, there must be firmness in your words and you should not back down by feelings of guilt or compassion. Surely the other person will be angry or Will be sad Much, and you must be prepared for these reactions.
Can Demonstrate empathy With the feelings you are provoking in the other person, but do not apologize for the decision you have made.
Do not give him hope that the separation will only be for a while, if you do not really believe it to be so.
Avoid listing a long list of reasons why you think the relationship should end. Just go to the point, I gave the general reason why you think that both have reached this situation where they can not continue to be a couple, and that's it.
And please do not use phrases. These are never sincere, because they can not reflect the particular situation of each one, so do not say things like"it's not you, it's me"or"you'll surely find someone special"or"maybe we can be friends".
That will only make things worse, because they will not be honest words.
6-Keep Calm
The other person is likely to react by showing Much anger or anger , Or a deep sadness. It is possible that during the encounter, these emotions alternate.
Be prepared to hear screams, reproaches or sobs. Stay calm, try to observe the situation as if you were alien and remain attentive to the reactions of the other person.
Keeping you calm will help you control the situation and finish the last encounter you will have as a couple at the right time and in the best possible way.
For example, if your ex is furious and starts to make a scandal, you can say"there is no point in shouting, the decision is already made and will not change, although we can talk about it if you calm down."
But obviously, in order to handle such situations, you must be calm yourself.
7-Take your share of the responsibility
Do not try to blame the other person for the failure of both as a couple. In a break, both have responsibilities to assume, always.
Although you will clearly state why you have made the decision not to continue with the relationship, the responsibility will be between the two and on the other hand, you are also totally responsible for the decision you have made.
Having this very clear will also help you not feel guilty and maintain a state of calm that will allow you to control the situation.
8-Do not go back
Surely you have heard someone who was apparently"determined"to leave her boyfriend or girlfriend, but after the meeting where everything was supposed to end, it turns out that both continue together, even though they do not seem very happy .
This can happen if the one who wants to end the relationship is overcome by the feelings of compassion or pity towards the other person. Guilt can also play a bad trick in this regard.
That is why it is important to be very sure of the decision and then not back down, even if you feel sorry for the other person or the end of a relationship that maybe at some point you thought would be for the rest of your life.
If you had already thought about it well and you had made a decision, do not let the pity prolong a situation that only brings unhappiness and dissatisfaction. You must continue with your plan, end this relationship and Start to forget To start a new stage.
9-Forgiving and Forgiving
As in all areas of life, failure is painful. Accepting that the relationship can not continue, whatever the motives, will cause sadness and grief on both sides, and probably also anger and rancor.
As mentioned before, both have responsibility in what happened and accept that you made mistakes and that the other person also made mistakes is the first step to forgive and thus free yourself from anger and pain.
We are human, we are wrong and we have to forgive ourselves in order to give us a new opportunity, not only in relationships, but in all areas of life.
Accepting the fact that erring is human and being able to forgive the other for your mistakes, and yourself for what you have been able to commit, will free you from many negative feelings and help you to turn the page and begin a new stage in your life.
Think about the following. People adopt Certain attitudes And make certain decisions taking into account the circumstances of the moment. Later, they may be able to see things from a new perspective, which they did not have before.
But they can not be blamed for having acted in such and such a way in the past, because at that moment they simply thought it was the best or simply acted according to what they felt at that moment.
The only thing that can be done is to accept the consequences of the mistakes that you could have committed, to forgive you and also to forgive the other person for the attitudes that may have influenced the relationship to come to an end Infidelities , Negative attitudes or behavior problems).
10-Keep the distance
Once the relationship is over, you have to mark a certain distance. It makes no sense for you to keep talking about the same things, for example, about the reasons that led to the breakup.
No calls or text messages that are not strictly necessary. You should not be interested in the activities of the other person or allow your ex invading your private life wanting to know what you do at each moment of the day.
This is essential to make it very clear that the relationship is over, that it will not continue and that nothing can be done about it.
If they have friends in common or go to the same gym for example, try to coordinate the meetings and schedules so that you have no chance to meet the other person.
Return any belongings that have been left in one or the other (or both, if they lived together) as soon as possible, to really begin the process of mourning that follows the end of a relationship.
Naturally and despite having followed all these steps, you will feel very sorry for some days. Give yourself the opportunity to release these feelings through crying, and after a few days, you will feel better.
And when you've finalized a relationship how have you done it? I am interested in your opinion. Thanks!
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