How to Educate a Child of the Best Form: 13 Tips

To know How to educate a child Is one of the best skills that can be learned to build a healthy family, to have well-being and quality of life, and to raise an educated child with a promising future.

Sometimes we find in our children problems of behavior, lack of social skills, problems of self-esteem, poor relationship between parents and children, little emotional control, lack of routines...

How to educate a child

There are many situations that put us to the test as parents and where we constantly ask ourselves if we are doing well or what things we could improve.

Many times we would like to find magical solutions to situations that overflow us and that we are not able to approach adequately.

Or we would simply want to find tools that would allow us to change or improve in some way the relationship we have with our children.

Why are there problems in educating children?

Being a father is not easy. Parents are the main role models for their children and the family is the first agent of socialization in childhood.

Raising a child and his upbringing is a complicated task that often leads parents to difficult situations.

At other times, there are behaviors in the children that the parents do not know how to handle. The frenetic pace of current life and lack of reconciliation Labor and family has also had a significant impact on the education of children.

Parents often ask if they are doing well or how they should act before their children.

There are many factors that influence the development of children, but it is important to take into account the importance of family, parenting style Of the parents and of the patterns of which they take part during their education.

All this has a great relevance in their development and will accompany them throughout life.

Parenting patterns are the attitudes and behaviors that parents carry out in relation to the education of their children. Your socialization in childhood Through the parenting practices, how the family guides the infant in its development and Join the social group.

Through parenting guidelines parents respond to their child's needs and demands.

Each family assumes the breeding patterns according to its own characteristics, its dynamics of functioning, the resources with which it counts, the supports or the context.

13 Tips for Educating Your Child

1. Uses acceptance communication

Father talking to son

When it comes to relating to your child, show your love unconditionally. Showing it is important to us and wanting it above all else involves not only what we say but how we say it.

Your child must know and understand that you will always love him and accept him, that you may disapprove of his behavior but that he is valuable and you esteem him above Everything, even when they are wrong or fail.

Acceptance communication is important because it is the basis for the development of a strong personality and a Safe self-esteem .

Some authors have studied the relationship between parenting style and self-esteem in children between 3 and 5 years old. They noted that Children with higher self-esteem coincided with those with higher self-esteem values ​​assessed by their parents.

The child must know that he is loved and accepted by who he is and not by what he does. The child should not be guided by fear or approval, because he must know That you love him above all else. Children need unconditional love to believe in a safe and healthy environment.

2. Be available and accessible to your child

Father and little son

In relationships that foster warm bonds, which show that they are available to their children and where there is support between them, creates an open climate Towards the messages of the parents.

When they feel supported, their personal effectiveness increases and all this influences their affective and behavioral functioning.

When in the early ages of life there has been little solidity in the education of children the consequences may be negative.

The low accessibility and availability to children coupled with poor communication can lead adolescents to develop with groups Conflict situations and to encourage risk behavior.

Being sensitive to the needs of the child, attending and accepting their individuality and expressing affection are essential to regulate their behavior.

3. Set limits

Father with son dressed the same

Another important aspect of the education of children is the subject of positive discipline.

In parental educational styles, we find the authoritarian, permissive, and democratic style. These Educational styles Are related to the Disciplinary control and affective warmth.

A democratic father is one who has high warmth and high control. On the other hand, an authoritarian father would be the coldest one affectively and with A high control. An overprotective parent would have a high warmth and low control, while a negligent parent would be low in both respects.

It is important to bear in mind that sometimes, because we try not to become authoritarian parents, we are weak in the control of our children and we can Become more overprotective parents.

Children need limits, with positive authority, but we need to give them security. When setting limits, these should be objective and concrete. The phrases towards children should be short, simple, reinforcing them one by one.

It is appropriate that we allow them to make frequent choices, which allow them to choose within the possibilities. For example, if the child has to wear The jacket we can give you the possibility to wear it alone or help us. Or if you have to take the syrup, you can do it in a glass or a spoon.

It's important to be firm, children need consistency because that gives them security. And firmness is part of the positive limits.

4. Use the reinforcement

Happy mother and son

Reinforce your child for everything he does well and do not use punishment. Authoritarian and punitive parenting styles often lead to maladaptive emotional development and deficits in emotional strategies for Adapt to different situations.

Children are more receptive to positive reinforcement. Punishment should not be used and of course, physical punishment should never be used.

In addition, we are concerned that children grow up with Healthy self-esteem , Which will also reflect the self-concept they have about themselves.

This will be based on self-efficacy, in their belief that they are able to achieve their goals, their personal value.

Positive reinforcement can help us all. The key is in the good use, nor exceed in praise, that are always real and not forced, Because the child will perceive it.

It is best to leave the"NO"for situations where it is really necessary. We want NO to have a reinforcing value, but if we use it in a way Indiscriminate, will not be effective when we really need it.

Look at what the child does well and reframe it. Always explain things to him, with clear and adapted phrases and try to give alternatives to what he does not Must do. Instead of saying"do not paint on the table"offer the alternative"why do not you paint on this paper?".

5. Foster responsibility and autonomy

Boy on the way

When children are teenagers, parents want their children to be autonomous, responsible, independent, to communicate with them in a Fluid and trust them for everything.

However, for all of this to take place at this stage of life, the guidelines for parenting should be directed at it from infancy.

Adapted to each age and the characteristics of children, curiosity, responsibility and autonomy can be fostered.

In families that educate with solid values, adolescent conflicts for freedom and experimentation of new experiences occur in a Transient.

When children are young, one of the most appropriate ways to foster responsibility and autonomy is to make frequent choices. Before Certain things that children must do day by day, many of them can be selected by them, even between different alternatives.

This will respect their decisions, help them to be autonomous and will prevent family conflicts in many cases.

Establishing responsibilities for children according to their abilities and their evolutionary stage is also a very appropriate parenting pattern.

6. Keep in mind your emotions, emotional intelligence is important

Anxiety in children

Emotions are also important. Taking into account the emotions of our children and working them are part of a proper education.

Different studies have shown the relationship between the expressiveness of the parents (show verbal expressions or Non verbal ) And the answers Children's empathy.

The reactions that parents show to the emotions of their children play a role as far as their social-emotional development is concerned.

The Emotional intelligence Is learned, is formed by a series of skills or competencies that can be learned.

We can work with our child with his emotions and we will be educating him emotionally when we help him to identify the signs of the emotions, to Name them, understand them and know where they come from and lastly when we help them regulate them.

Help you understand and work on aspects such as self-motivation or delays in gratification, self-control, social skills , the assertiveness , Active listening or empathy It also involves working with emotional intelligence.

It is important to validate your feelings. Many times, when we deal with our child, we try to Negative emotions . We do not like it That our son cries, for example, and we immediately distract him with something else, we ignore him, and so on.

Children should have contact with the emotions in order to know and regulate them. And our task as parents is to help them. We must understand that all The emotions are valid and we must take advantage of the daily situations to work them.

When the child is sad or afraid, even if the problem seems insignificant, it is important for him, so validate his feelings. What Feels is important.

7. Accept the individuality of your child

Mother and daughter dressed the same

It is important to respect the individuality of the child. Each of us are unique and unique, unique and different from others.

You do not have to label children, because it ends up influencing our child and what he can do. In relation to the expectations we have Towards children highlights the" Pygmalion Effect ".

It was an experiment conducted by Rosenthal and Jacobson (1968) where they found that, randomly picking children from a class and telling their teachers Who were more intelligent than the others, by the end of the course these children had advanced more than the rest.

This is due to the expectations we put on children and that as a self-fulfilling prophecy, it just happens.

Sometimes we label children even in an unconscious way: the one who behaves badly, the one who works less, the one who is never quiet... and we have to be very Aware of it so that it does not affect the relationship with the child.

Personality and identity develops with the child and childhood is a stage where our referents have a great importance in our Self-esteem and self-concept.

Accepting the individuality of the child also means not projecting our desires into children and letting them be themselves. They have preferences, Desires, needs... and sometimes these do not coincide with ours. We must respect it.

Raising should be based on respect for the individual, a safe and comfortable environment where you feel loved and can discover the world.

8. Actions have consequences, which does not evade their responsibility

Single white girl

In the education of children, responsibility is important. We must not punish children, but it is important that they take into account the Consequences of their actions.

If a child draws on the wall or table, we can offer the alternative to paint in a more appropriate place, we can explain why it is not Suitable to paint on the wall or table, without anger.

Subsequently, the consequence would be to cleanse with us that which has defiled. We are not punishing the child and the way we face the Problem also says a lot about it.

It is a consequence. Quietly, we explain why you should help us clean it and we hope that next to us, to the extent that Can, clean what has become dirty.

Consequences are part of life and it is the way in which we learn and take responsibility for our actions.

9. Act by example

Father and daughter before the sea

The learning of the children happens, in large part, by the observation. Parents are the main role models of our children and what We will say much more of us than what we say.

Our words should be in line with what we do. Children will learn through our example.

If you tell the child to be respectful, to be orderly, not to shout or be calm and we are showing the opposite, our words They will lose all meaning.

Children need security. They need to find a coherence between all of them in order to consider our teachings as valid and to generate and Internalize their own.

10. Encourage communication and dialogue with him

Mother embracing child

The importance of communication and dialogue stands out in terms of parenting patterns. Dialogue should be the basis of the relationship between parents and children. Throughout its development.

Some studies suggest that communication problems are one of the risk factors in the psychological adjustment of adolescents.

Families with assertive styles promote an adequate socio-affective development in their children. In the face of depression or loneliness, they promote copulation Adaptive, while those who are more authoritarian generate greater insecurity, avoid problems and coping is more misfit.

11. Let Him Experiment, He Must Learn

Curious girl

Childhood is the period of experimentation par excellence. Everything is new to them, so the experiences that live in these early stages Are going to be very important for building your learning.

A fundamental way in which children discover the world is play, which includes the manipulation of objects and materials of the environment, the Representation of everyday situations and the relationship with their peers and other adults in their environment. It is very important to let the children play To provide them with appropriate stimuli (eg, age-appropriate toys, little structured to
imagination).

Our role in the game must be secondary. This means that we must be present, but without taking control of the activity, leaving the Explore their tastes, their limits, their goals.

Errors are also necessary. It is important that we understand as parents that without conflict there is no learning. If our child makes a mistake during Activity, be it a game or an academic task, we must make an effort not to correct it immediately and To explore the different possible solutions and to find the one that is most appropriate. Only in this way will we allow them to build positive and significant.

12. Do not make comparisons

three brothers

They always say comparisons are hateful and in the case of children we will not make an exception.

When we try to have our children change behavior we do not like, we sometimes tend to compare them with other children whose behavior Seems to us to be more acceptable, with the intention of giving them a frame of reference.

However, this resource as well as being little useful to improve their behavior, has undesirable effects on the child's self-esteem and self-concept.

It makes them feel little accepted and understood, and indirectly teaches them a development model based on competitiveness,"being like..."or "Better than..."instead of accepting their individuality. In addition, in the case of the brothers, it foments the rivalry between them and the appearance of the jealousy.

We must take into account that each child has its own characteristics and strengths, which can be used to amend one behavior negative . When you are tempted to compare your child with another child, pause for a moment and watch only him.

13. Consistency is the Most Important

Mother and son laughing

Consistency is the most important key in raising a child. The child needs stable, solid and coherent environments.

The limits and norms that we establish with our children must be firm, because that is important not to create incoherence in the breeding. Sometimes, With our behavior and without being aware, we are generating behavioral problems in our children because of this lack of consistency.

If we set contradictory norms, we can negatively affect the child's behavior and development and self-esteem.

If you set guidelines and contradict yourself, children do not know what will happen next, they can not foresee the consequences of the acts and feel that they do not Have control of what can happen.

Another important aspect is that as parents we agree with each other on the parenting patterns of our children and that he perceives that we are together Faced with the challenge of educating him.

For all this, the family and the appropriate breeding patterns facilitate a good social-emotional development of the children, to develop social skills Adequate, good self-esteem, prosocial behaviors... It is important to sensitize families and guide when difficulties arise.

The Importance of Parenting in Children

Throughout development, the human being is absorbing values ​​that will accompany him throughout the life cycle. In the transmission of these values ​​and modes Of acting influences the culture, the society, its surroundings, its peer group, the family...

In all this, the parenting patterns are fundamental because they instill values ​​and norms that lead to the integration of the adult into the society.

The socio-affective development of the child develops from the family, values, norms, skills that they learn in their childhood.

All this is related to conflict management, prosocial behavior, and emotional regulation.

It is important the relationship of the child or the adolescent with his father and his mother, both are available to care for their children, who are involved in Same way in their upbringing and that communication and support with them is paramount in the relationship.

In addition, it is also important to emphasize that in many cases parents of adolescents want their children to be responsible, autonomous, to have a Good communication with them...

However, as parents we must know that these things must be worked from childhood, day to day and consistently to establish a good Relationship with our children that is the basis for their safety and their exploration of the world.

If you want your child to be an autonomous, independent, sociable and cooperative child, it is necessary that you transmit affection and affection, that you establish the Dialogue and communication As the basis of your relationship and that you use inductive reasoning as a mode of discipline.

According to different authors, this is related to the child's moral maturity and competence, as well as to prosocial behavior.

There are different ways of establishing discipline with children. Affection, control and involvement in parenting are the most important aspects. Important when it comes to educating.

These variables are those that predict an adequate parenting style of education and more effective relationships between parents and children.

And you, do you think that the educational style is important for the development of the child?

References

  1. [Links] Fostering and socio-affective development in childhood. Divers.: Perspect. Psicol., 6 (1), 111-121.
  2. Faber, A., Mazlish, E. (1997). How to talk so your children listen and how to listen so your children can talk to you. Medici.
  3. Mestre, M. V., Tur, A. M., Samper, P., Nacher, M. J., Cortéz, M. T. (2007). Parenting styles in adolescence and their relationship to prosocial behavior. Latin American Journal of Psychology, 39, 2, 211-225.
  4. Morillas, V. Manipulation and experimentation in Early Childhood Education. Cadiz University.

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