Develop the Emotional intelligence in children Is very important because it is one of the skills that will most help them to develop personally, have healthy personal relationships and succeed in life.
When there are emotional imbalances, the behavior of children and adolescents is altered, affecting family, school and social coexistence and also their psychological well-being.
These mismatches occur when the child does not recognize his emotions properly, does not express them or does it improperly or misinterprets the behavior or emotions of others, for example. For all of this, building an adequate emotional intelligence in our children can help them become emotionally healthier.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive and value emotions properly. It also implies the ability to generate feelings when they facilitate thinking, the ability to understand emotions and to regulate them properly, promoting personal and intellectual growth.
For Daniel Goleman , The greatest disseminator of emotional intelligence, is defined as the ability of a person to manage in a series of skills and attitudes.
Among them we can find the awareness about oneself, the capacity to identify, to understand and to express the emotions. The ability to Control impulses And delay the gratifications and the ability to handle us properly in interpersonal relationships.
If we ask people what intelligence is, most people end up giving a definition of general or abstract intelligence, the ability to reason, to deduce, the ability to solve problems , etc.
And this capacity has traditionally been associated with academic success. And the origin of this intelligence goes back to the last century when the first tests to measure the capacity of the individual to operate on information constituted by numbers, letters, etc. appear.
Later new conceptions arise and other types of intelligences appear. It is with the appearance of the Gardner's Multiple Intelligences Theory When two intelligences first appear, intrapersonal intelligence and Interpersonal , Which together have shaped what we call emotional intelligence.
What are the benefits of emotional intelligence?
People with emotional intelligence, have some characteristics such as:
- They are more likely to feel satisfied and comfortable with themselves
- They are more empathic people
- They are more cheerful and optimistic people
- They assume a higher degree Their responsibilities
- They are more altruistic and supportive people
- They are more open people who express their feelings and communicate effectively with others
- People with greater self-motivation to undertake and achieve the goals that have been proposed
- They are people who know each other better and who Have more self-esteem
- They are people with better interpersonal relationships, who establish more productive relationships and with greater capacity to resolve conflicts
- They are people who are more focused on the present, who enjoy the now and do not stay in the past or in the future
- They are people who manage their emotions better and help others manage theirs
Children and adolescents with emotional intelligence have better physical and psychological health, they know how to manage their emotional problems better.
Some studies report that they have fewer physical symptoms, less levels of anxiety and depression, less suicidal ideation, fewer somatizations, and less stress , As well as using positive coping strategies when solving problems.
We are constantly living emotions, own and others. Children are present in all these emotional exchanges and school is one of the places where more emotional experiences are going to live during the first years of their life.
For all this it is very important to model adequately in the detection and expression of emotions, because emotional intelligence is learned!
17 Tips to Build Emotional Intelligence in Children
1. Help him to get to know himself better and name what he feels
Self-knowledge or self-knowledge is the cornerstone of Emotional intelligence . Not because it is the most important, but because without it can hardly be given the rest.
To develop an adequate emotional awareness, where the person is aware of their own internal states, their emotions, their resources, the effects that the emotions have on it, it is important to name them.
In order to properly manage your emotions, you must first recognize them properly, and in it lies the best knowledge of oneself.
If we say that emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize our own emotions and others, respecting them, it is necessary, first, to know their own.
Self-consciousness is one of the basic pillars of intrapersonal intelligence, one of the intelligences proposed by Gardner in his theory of multiple intelligences.
To do this, name everything you feel. Each time a situation arises where your child is feeling an emotion, even if he expresses it inappropriately, it acts.
Instead of trying to eliminate and minimize Negative emotion , Part of it to name it and explain to your child what you feel and why. In this way you will be working on self-awareness.
2. Work on emotional literacy
One of the most appropriate tips for building emotional intelligence in children is to attend to emotional literacy.
Emotional literacy is to get children to have a broad and fluid vocabulary about emotions is a basic issue throughout their developmental stage.
Knowing how to name the emotions we feel is the first step to recognize and accept them.
Many times children do not know what emotion they are feeling. Nor can they identify the physical part? Neither emotional?? Of every emotion.
For example, if your child is sad because he wanted to wear a sweatshirt that is dirty and can not wear it and has broken down to cry, work with that emotion.
For example, you can use to talk to him that he is sad, that is why he has tears, that you understand that he is sad because he really likes that shirt and would like to wear it??
3. Validate your emotions
Although it may not seem important to you what your child feels at certain times, it is important to him, so you should take it into account.
Taking the example above, validate your child's emotions. In that case, in which your child breaks down crying because he wants to wear a sweatshirt that is dirty, do not tell him do not cry for it, it's silly, you have this shirt that is exactly the same as the other??.
It is important that you recognize your emotions, tell them that you understand their emotion and help you to find a solution.
Often, since we do not like children to suffer, we try to eliminate negative emotions directly (when they cry, when they are angry).
We distract them with other things (a toy, with the television, etc.). Anything goes for them to stop crying, for example.
At other times, some people say that crying is small? Or phrases like?? that is nonsense??.
It is important that you keep in mind that everything your child thinks and feels you must take into account, respect and make it count. It is important for you to grow up with strong self-esteem and to feel it important.
4. Attend to your self-esteem
Self-esteem is an essential aspect of the child's personality, which is developing throughout childhood.
If a person is accepted, he will be able to move forward and mature and continue to perform personally.
The child and adult will need to have a positive self-esteem and a good self-concept, which will allow you to overcome the obstacles you will encounter in life and solve conflicts.
Self-esteem is the appreciation of one's own worth. And the child's self-esteem is shaped by the experiences he also experiences with his parents.
Showing it is important and learning to accept as it is is a good way to develop positive self-esteem.
If the person feels and perceives that others accept him, love him and consider him important, he will feel competent, confident and with good self-esteem.
5. Help you discover your strengths and weaknesses
Knowing one's own strengths and weaknesses is also an essential aspect of one's self-consciousness.
When you know your strengths and weaknesses you feel more confident about yourself, your abilities and your abilities. He knows how far he can go, what he can expect and what he needs to improve.
We have to teach our son that we all have positive aspects and weaknesses and that does not make us better or worse than others.
We do not have to be good at everything and neither our mistakes nor our weaknesses define us as people.
Helping your child detect strengths and weaknesses will help him recognize when he needs help, how he can cope with difficulties, when he can give his best and contribute to his personal development.
6. Work self-control and adaptability
Self-control is also one of the main characteristics of emotional intelligence.
Self-control and self-motivation are part of the intrapersonal intelligence that Gardner has already named.
Self-control is part of self-management, of knowing how to properly manage one's emotions.
Self-control does not mean that you should repress or deny your emotions or that your child does not express them. Proper management of emotions is learning that requires time and effort.
First, the child must recognize the emotions he has, and if he is not able to do so, he can hardly manage it properly.
Self-control can be worked on, but not through repression of emotions or denial. They should be accepted, and even if they come out properly in our child (for example, in the form of tantrums), they should not be punished, if not work the underlying emotion from that behavior.
Self-control means understanding emotion and transforming emotion to our benefit. It requires the person to be flexible, open to new approaches and adapt new perspectives in problem solving.
7. Work Motivation
Self-motivation is another component of emotional intelligence, specifically Gardner's intrapersonal intelligence.
Self-motivation is to be emotionally empowered to maintain goal-oriented behavior.
It is about the child having in mind the goal and remember the rewards that will achieve.
It is a question of working in children for persistence, for not discouraging, for being applied, for getting despite mistakes, etc.
Motivation will help your child achieve goals in life. To do this, help them assess the effort, set realistic and specific goals and avoid postponing the tasks they must perform.
8. Help Empathy Develop
Empathy is one of the components of interpersonal intelligence proposed in Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences.
Empathy helps the child to understand others, to put themselves in their place, to understand their moods And also psychological or motivational states.
In order to recognize the emotional states of others we need to be understanding, sensitive, have perceptive skills and the ability to take different roles.
Developing empathy is a must to be emotionally intelligent, since it is the point from which satisfactory social relationships with our peers.
9. Communicate with him
Communicative skills in children also play an important role in their social competence, and therefore in emotional intelligence.
Within communication we refer to basic non-verbal skills (eg, eye contact or gestures), competence in conversations, or language skills.
Communicating with your child is also important because it will help you connect and externalize feelings, detect the emotions that paralyze them, block them or care about them.
To get the child to learn to handle their emotions properly, it is necessary for parents and educators to have information to manage their emotional states and facilitate learning for children.
It is also important that you let him talk, and some tricks you can use to communicate properly with him is to use messages that reflect feelings.
10. Work social skills!
Social skills are a fundamental component within emotional intelligence.
They are the set of behaviors emitted by a subject within an interpersonal relationship where he is able to express his emotions, desires and opinions, taking into account others and solving immediate problems and preventing future problems.
Interaction with other people is paramount in the development of the person and conditions his socialization process.
The social skills Can go from simple to complex behaviors: greet, express opinions, make friends??
For this, it offers an adequate model of social skills, the child will learn by example when he sees in his parents manifestations of courtesy, respect, solidarity with other people.
In addition, value the positive aspects and reinforce your child and provide opportunities where you can relate to social situations.
11. Help you resolve conflicts
Conflicts often take place on many occasions because of poorly managed emotions. Teach your child that anger is a normal emotional and that there is no problem in getting angry.
What you must learn is to manage that anger. To do this, show that even though everyone gets angry, the way we act next is the one that determines the consequences.
Teach her to detect the signs that lead to anger and that can lead to conflict, as well as different ways of acting as she always does.
Show him how to manage anger and avoid problems that lead to conflict. Help him to avoid impulsive acts, to calm himself with different techniques (breathing, relaxation ??).
12. Show the importance of teamwork
Teamwork is fundamental in the society in which we develop and is present in the lives of children constantly.
Learning to manage in a group, dealing with others, resolving conflicts, communicating, etc., are necessary skills for teamwork .
When we work as a team, emotional intelligence is very present. And being emotionally intelligent can help your child develop into groups in a more optimal way.
You can work with your child how teamwork is: the importance of establishing good communication between peers, working with different solutions, the importance of maintaining a commitment, knowing how to resolve conflicts?
13. Knowing how to listen is also important.
Active listening is one of the pillars of emotional intelligence. It requires more effort than talking.
Knowing to listen requires learning, and refers not only to listening to what the person has expressed but also to attend to the feelings and thoughts that underlie.
In order to be able to listen actively, empathy .
Active listening is learned and begin to develop in childhood with children, it will help them to understand the importance it has to be able to relate properly with others.
Teach them the importance of respecting the turn of speech, of not interrupting other people, of focusing attention when someone is telling us something important, of maintaining eye contact??
14. Work on assertiveness
The assertiveness It is also part of emotional intelligence, being one of the basic pillars of it.
If you work with assertiveness, the child will be sure of himself, express himself clearly and be a person capable of expressing his wishes, motivations and needs, while taking into account the others.
For this, it is important that you respect your child and show him that his opinions are important, but at the same time he must take into consideration the others.
An assertive child will be able to express himself adequately, say no when he needs it, defend his rights and express his feelings, all according to his interests and objectives and respecting the rights of others.
15. Help him to trust himself
In order to build an adequate emotional intelligence it is also necessary to Confidence in oneself.
We make reference to the security that one shows about the valuation of what it does and of its capacities and competences.
A child who trusts in himself is a child who feels capable of achieving the goals that are proposed, that is strong to face the obstacles that life proposes to him and therefore, can be developed in an optimal way.
For a child to trust in himself, you must trust in him. So, have high expectations about it, but be realistic, otherwise you may feel frustrated.
If you trust him, the child will also, and he will not give up, always looking for alternatives that will help him to achieve the goals that are proposed.
16. Express affection and tell how you feel
Unconditional love is something that must be expressed and must be shown in the day to day. Love should not be given for anything, and it must be expressed in everyday examples as well as in words.
You must respect your child for being what he is, telling him how much you love him and putting words to how you feel.
In your relationship and yourself, in the things that happen to you every day, many different emotions arise. Sometimes you're sad, sometimes happy, sometimes angry? Focus on yourself and how you feel and express it to the child.
Telling her how we feel, what emotions are called and why we feel that way also helps them to develop their emotional intelligence.
17. Attend to your needs
One of the main tasks of a parent's success is to train them in emotional competencies to be responsible and emotionally healthy adults.
Parents should help their children identify emotions and label them, respect their feelings, and help them deal with social situations.
The way parents address the needs of their children, show empathy for what they feel and need, regulate their emotions, express themselves with them or talk about emotions, for example, help their children exercise in themselves.
Children also learn by imitation, and if they see in their parents' example certain attitudes, they will eventually incorporate them into their own repertoire.
Being empathic and sensitive to the needs of others, the child can learn through the example of their parents.
Parents can show emotional competencies to their children through two days: the direct path, speaking of emotional competencies explicitly or indirectly through the transmission of skills implicitly.
In what way? Through the observation and modeling of competencies and emotional responses in other people.
Emotional intelligence is important, so you can take into account all of these tips to build it properly in your child.
Daniel Goleman has argued that it is not I.Q (CI) of a person, but emotional intelligence through the management of these skills that determines the personal and social success of people and their happiness.
References
- Castro Santander, A. Emotional literacy: the debt of teaching to live with others. Ibero-American Journal of Education.
- Extremera, N. and Fernández-Berrocal, P. (2013). Emotional intelligence in adolescents. Parents and teachers.
- Healthy Children (2012). Helping children cope and resolve conflicts. Headlights. Hospital Sant Joan de Déu.
- Mestre Navas, J. M. and Fernández Berrocal, P. (2014). Manual of emotional intelligence. Pyramid.
- Muñoz, C. (2007). Emotional intelligence: the secret to a happy family: a guide to learning to know, express and manage our feelings. Madrid's community.
- Pérsico, L. (2016). Emotional intelligence. Libsa.
- Sánchez Núñez, M. T. (2007). Self-informed emotional intelligence and perceptual adjustment in the family. Its relation to family climate and mental health. PhD thesis of the University of Castilla-La Mancha.
- Vallés Arándiga, A. (2009). The emotional intelligence of parents and children. Pyramid.