Learning to be sociable Is important for personal and professional life: the human being is a social being and needs to relate to survive and succeed in life.
In our daily lives, the communication we establish with other people can be effective, productive and reach their goal satisfactorily or, on the contrary, can lead to confusion and ineffectiveness.
There are many people who are very socially skilled, who are In a natural way , It seems that it costs them nothing to relate, communicate or make friends.
Far from what is believed, social skills are learned. It is in your hand to carry out actions that help you to be more sociable and to know how to create and maintain greater social relations.
What is sociability?
Sociability, according to the Royal Academy of the Spanish Language, can be defined as the Quality of sociable , That is, the one that is Naturally inclined to deal with and relate to people.
It is important to know how to weave social relationships. Social relationships with other people are important, we are social beings and to survive is important to know how to relate and be able to understand the people we have around us.
When we say that a person is sociable It is because it is able to interact and interact with other people effectively. He does activities with them, he knows how to move in environments where there are many people, he has many friends, he knows how to meet new people...
What benefits does it have to be more sociable?
Increasingly it is important to be sociable and adapt to the environment in which we live.
People who have a good social network or who exchange knowledge, emotions and experiences with others are more prepared to face difficulties.
Now we are more social than ever and it is in our hand to be able to develop and learn better our social learning.
Being more sociable allows us to meet new people, live more experience, get to know the people we have around us, share interests with other people and thus achieve greater well-being.
Sociability or social skills Are behaviors that are learned and it is from childhood from where they can be promoted.
The sociable people They communicate better , People fall better and have more friends, open to others to let themselves be known, judge less, are respectful and joyful.
As we have already mentioned, we are social beings and we need others to achieve many things in life and to be happier: in many cases we work as a team, we live with other people, we enrich ourselves when we meet people, we learn from other people...
In addition, being sociable also helps us with ourselves. We learn who we are also from the way in which others see us.
Our self-esteem also depends on the experiences we have with others, for example.
Being sociable brings benefits such as:
- Greater welfare
- Increased self-esteem
- Greater support and therefore a good support in the face of stress and difficulties
- Positive emotions
- Greater knowledge of oneself
- Live more experiences
- Increased quality of life
- We feel loved, part of a group, valued
- Help us to achieve objectives
- Create links and keep them in time
15 tips to be more sociable
Positive attitude is very important
Optimism and positive attitude Before the life has been more and more studied.
In the last decades, optimism has been linked to many psychological and health variables, such as having less stress, less ill or better coping with daily problems.
One of the characteristics of the optimists is that they seek more social support, and therefore, are better related to other people, in addition to solving social conflicts better.
The sense of humor is part of the positive attitude towards life. It is important that you be a cheerful, optimistic and good-humored person.
Sense of humor will help you to trust more in yourself and to connect with others in social relationships.
Know yourself well and trust yourself
It is important, in order to be more sociable, to have a good image of oneself and to trust in one's abilities.
It is true that all of us usually represent to ourselves and to others a somewhat more"improved"version of ourselves.
Seligman , For example, an important author within psychology, already indicated that the assessment we make of ourselves is usually more positive than other people.
And this has a function of adaptation, because through expectations we can motivate to achieve goals. However, if we are not entirely aware, it could also lead to some problems.
Leaving all this aside, it is important to know each other. Inside of Emotional intelligence , For example, one of the necessary skills is self-knowledge.
Emotional intelligence can also help us to be more socially effective and to be more sociable, as it includes behaviors that involve knowing each other well and knowing others, knowing how to recognize and express our own and others' emotions, among other things.
To be more sociable, self-awareness and self-acceptance are important, otherwise you will not be able to attend to your needs and show yourself as someone who is genuine and capable in relationships with other people.
A person who trusts in himself and transmits it to others creates more interest in other people. People who trust in themselves believe in their abilities and control over their lives.
People with low self-confidence and low self-esteem, often depend on the approval of others, are afraid of failure and are perceived as such by other people, which has a negative impact on their social relationships.
Be kind and available to others
Being kind and open to doing favors to others (as much as possible) is a good way to make better contact with people we know or start with people we know less.
When you become kind and available to others, you will also feel more satisfied and others will be with you.
For example, smiling is a good way to be friendly. Be polite, through such formulas as giving thanks or asking for things please, too.
When you smile people create a positive image of you and have more interest in knowing you. The smile encourages the other person to smile.
Greet other people, for example, is also a simple gesture that can encourage relationships.
If you are critical, constructive
Critics or people who criticize and gossip can have negative effects on social relationships.
However, sometimes criticism can be beneficial. The important thing is to know how to do them. Through criticism we can improve a relationship with another person, correct something that bothers us, achieve a goal...
However, if we do not do it the right way, it can generate conflicts with our interlocutor. He can misinterpret it and live as an attack.
To do this, look not only at the content of what you say, for which you can use techniques such as the sandwich (which I explain below), but also the way you do it: tone, gestures, you facial expression…
The technique of sandwich or sandwich involves introducing a critical comment that we want to convey between two positive comments.
Thus, you tell the person something that does well, you continue with what could improve and you end up highlighting some other positive aspect.
It is important that you be honest and sincere with the other person and know what the purpose of the critic is, ask him or her, listen to the person.
Do not attack, do not accuse the other person, or use sarcasm. It offers solutions to what you propose and do not be ambiguous. The important thing is that you are clear and concrete.
Worry about others and be empathetic
To be more sociable and get more relationships it is imperative that the other person feel that you understand him, that is, that you care about him and that You are empathetic .
Empathy is the ability to understand the other person and to perceive correctly what he experiences. In addition, you must communicate verbal and nonverbal in the message you transmit.
It is considered one of the most important interpersonal skills to achieve good relationships with others.
Heed your body language
Own body language is also very important to achieve effective social relationships.
For example, looking into the eyes. When you have conversations with other people you should look into their eyes with the necessary time to establish a good contact.
The fact of looking away often generates mistrust in the interlocutor, so it is important that you avoid doing so.
Also listen to the volume of your voice, do not lower the volume, as it may appear that you feel intimidated and may appear to be a shy or insecure person. Neither is an overly loud tone suitable that can be annoying and aggressive.
Attend also the intonation, because through it you can communicate to the other person that you are interested in him and in the communication that you are having. If you have poor intonation, the person may feel bored and disconnect soon.
You must also attend to the silences, muletillas, repetitions... sometimes this arises when the person has anxiety before the social relation. It is important that you be yourself and that you To overcome anxiety To be able to relate better with other people.
Posture and gestures also give information. Maintain proper physical distance and do not overdo yourself with physical affection as there are people whom you might inconvenience.
However, it is important that you read the nonverbal message of your interlocutor to adapt to it in a certain way.
Start conversations
One of the factors that may explain inappropriate social behavior is the fact that the subject is not interested in initiating or maintaining social interactions with other people.
If you want to be more sociable, you should be concerned with starting and maintaining conversations with others.
If you do not know what to talk about, you can start by commenting on neutral aspects, the situation or the environment or even time. It is best that you ask open-ended and easy-to-answer questions, to progressively ask more personal or personal questions.
Propose new activities in your group of friends
A good way to get to know more people and be more sociable is to propose new activities in your group of friends.
Many times we tend to close in people we already know and we end up doing the same type of activities or going to the same sites.
A good alternative is to propose to your group of friends new activities that you have not done before and where you have the opportunity as a group to interact and meet other groups of friends.
Make activities to meet new people
Also individually you can do activities to meet new people. In the daily routine, we end up doing similar things and over time, it costs us more meet new people .
In the early stages of life people often indicate that it is easier to make friends, but as we grow older, groups tend to be more restricted and it is harder to meet new people.
However, this is only partially true. There are many activities you can do to meet new people, you just have to open up a bit more to new opportunities.
For example, join associations or organizations with interests similar to yours (photography, crafts, cycling or sports activities in general, volunteering...).
You can join groups of languages that are left to practice and is a good way to meet people.
When attending events where there are people you do not know, do not always stay close to people you know and get to know people.
Be assertive
The assertiveness Is also an important issue in terms of social skills and to become more socially skilled.
The fact that the person is not sure of the rights he has or what he thinks, or believes he should not respond, for example, can lead people to hamper their relationships with others.
To be assertive involves acting in the light of one's own rights, opinions and needs, mobilizing oneself as one's own interests but at the same time taking others into account.
To be more sociable it is important that you develop and work your assertiveness. Within the assertive styles we have three: the passive, the assertive and the aggressive.
That you are assertive implies that you take into account, that you know to defend your rights and Do not let yourself be manipulated , But also that you do not manipulate others.
Capture the verbal and nonverbal signals of your interlocutors
Just as in an earlier section we referred to the non-verbal message you convey to your interlocutor, you must also be attentive to your signals, both verbal and non-verbal.
The person has an intonation, a gesture, etc., which you must know how to read in order to adapt.
For example, in the face is where you can most manifest how the person feels. You can look at the eyes, the mouth, the eyebrows. Basic emotions, for example, give us information through the face.
Look at what he says, how he says it, whether what he says verbally with non-verbal signals is congruent, and all of that can give you a lot of information.
Give information about yourself to others
Many people with low self-esteem, in the wrong way, consider that others do not care about things that happen to them or their likes, experiences or opinions.
For this reason, they are people who communicate less with others, listen more but speak less. They consider that this is a suitable way to not disturb others. But this is ineffective in establishing social relationships.
To create new social relationships it is important that you interest in the other person, but also that you show a part of you. People like reciprocity.
So, stick with data of what the other person likes or does and ask, but take advantage to also tell you what you like, what interests you, etc.
Do not try to assess whether you are doing well or wrong:"the role of the spectator"
One of the factors that explains the misfit social behavior of people or that can make the person difficult to have a socially capable behavior is the assessment that makes the person of his performance.
Sometimes, subjects are left to assess how they act and do it in a negative way, through negative self-verbalizations, or in other cases fearing the consequences of their actions.
It is important that you do not judge the interaction as it happens, because this will increase your anxiety and the chances of you blocking yourself. It is more important that you focus on the other tips and be yourself.
Discover the interests of your interlocutors and show interest for them
It is important that you get interests and know your interlocutors, their tastes, their preferences, what they do, etc.
This will make it easier for you to start and maintain conversations. To do this, ask questions about the other person and when you start to tell things, continue the conversation interested in it.
Pay attention to what you say, listen looking into the eyes, signaling that you catch what it tells you and then, in turn, shows a piece of information about you.
In any case, do not be intrusive or ask uncomfortable questions. And if a person prefers not to speak, it is best not to insist.
Learning to listen
Knowing how to listen to people is an important factor in being more sociable and being more successful in relationships with others.
If you listen to others you will be able to understand the other person, to understand it, to know about their tastes and interests, to worry about it and to have conversation topics to start.
Listening is a psychological process that starts from hearing but we should not confuse it. Listening involves taking into account other variables such as attention to the other person, observation and interest in it.
Active listening is to pay close attention to the importance of the verbal and non-verbal messages of our interlocutor.
If you listen to the other person, the other person will pick it up and feel more willing to engage in conversations, to get to know you and to relate more to you.
Social or interpersonal relationships have always aroused great interest on the part of the scientific community.
How to evaluate and improve the social competence of people has been addressed within Psychology in what we call"social skills training." It would make reference to the increase of the effectiveness in the social relations.
And you, what do you do to be more sociable?
References
- Castanyer, O. Assertiveness, expression of healthy self-esteem.
- Del Prette, A., Del Prette, Z., Mendes, M. C. (1999). Social skills in the psychologist's professional training: analysis of an intervention program. Behavioral Psychology, 7 (1), 27-47.
- García Rojas, A.D. (2010). Study on the assertiveness and the social skills in the students of Social Education. Journal of Education, 12.
- Naranjo Pereira, M. L. (2008). Appropriate interpersonal relationships through assertive communication and behavior. Current research in education, University of Costa Rica.
- Ortego, M. C., López, S., Álvarez, M. L. Social skills. Psychosocial Sciences. University of Cantabria.
- Royal Academy of the Spanish Language. Dictionary of the Royal Academy of the Spanish Language.
- Roca, E. How to improve your social skills.
- Vera-Villarroel, P., and Guerrero, A. (2003). Differences in problem solving skills in optimistic and pessimistic subjects. Univ. Psychol. Bogota Colombia).