Emotional Insecurity: Causes and How to Overcome It

The Emotional insecurity It is a feeling of little self-confidence and self-worth. Insecurities can arise from previous experiences in early childhood and reinforce as the person grows.

Although a certain level of insecurity is normal, people with high levels of insecurity may have problems relating to others, at work and in general life.

insecurity

When we are children, we are not aware of what we can and can not do. We approach the world eager to explore it, instead of having a Fearful attitude to life.

Little by little, adults are enhancing or restricting the confidence and security that we have in our own capacities and we can develop a Feeling of inferiority .

Therefore, it is considered that society has an important role in the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves.

As we grow, we are assimilating the idea that we have the duty to meet the expectations of those around us: study the career that Expect our parents, be successful people, have many friends, etc.

In many occasions, we try to achieve perfection, trying to get the best notes, being the best in our work, etc. Subsequently, at To realize that we are not perfect, there arises in us the feeling of lack of confidence.

This is a very unpleasant feeling, which can negatively affect us in many areas of our lives.

The lack of security in ourselves, causes us to feel able to do something, so we avoid trying - so that our Negative expectations.

Self-confidence

For example, if you think that you do not have enough capacity to practice a sport on a regular basis, you will not try so hard to acquire the habit, So you'll make an excuse that you can not do it.

On the contrary, a person with enough self-confidence will be more willing to learn, to improve aspects in which he is not very skillful, In setting goals and striving to achieve them, with the certainty that if it fails, it can always start over.

This security and trust makes people more skilled at work, academically and in their interpersonal relationships.

As you see, there are many benefits you can get if you encourage yourself to increase confidence in yourself.

How to overcome emotional insecurity in 10 steps

1. This change is conceived as a process, not as a single goal

Step by Step

Obviously, in order for you to increase your confidence and self-confidence, you need to establish some specific objectives Besides dedicating Long enough for the process of boosting your confidence to implant.

It is very important that you learn to be patient and to value the achievements you are achieving, instead of reproaching everything that you have not yet achieved.

With respect to the specific objectives that you want to achieve, it is you who must establish them and fight to persecute them day by day.

Think of everything you'd like to improve on. Each has its own challenges, so there is a wide variety of options:

  • Be safer at the level of the nonverbal language . For example, you may want to look into your face when someone speaks to you.

  • Lose the shame to public speaking . Both at friends' meetings and at work exhibitions. In both cases, it will be very beneficial to have more confidence in yourself.

  • Knowing how to say no. For Reject a proposal , A tip or a favor that you have been asked for, you also need to have great confidence and personal security.

These are just some examples of challenges that you can propose, which will help you deal with everything that makes you feel bad and insecure with yourself.

If you set short-term objectives, you will have much more realistic expectations and, at the same time, you will be able to perceive the results little by little, in A place of frustration at not reaching your unreachable goals.

2. Think about your talents and qualities

Talented girl with guitar

Surely one of the reasons you feel that your self-confidence is low is that you tend to highlight your defects, so that they overshadow your virtues.

Taking a moment to analyze all the virtues and capacities that you possess will help you to have a more objective view of yourself.

This exercise can be done with paper and pencil, because if you write, you can read the areas in which you are competing every time you You need

In order for this to have the desired effect, you have to avoid comparing yourself to others. For example, instead of saying"I speak English better than my Work,"you should write"I have a good command of English."

If this exercise is complicated and you do not find examples of activities in which you are competent, you can ask the people around you, Sure you get lots of nice surprises.

After spending the necessary time, you will appreciate all those positive qualities and virtues that you possess, which will help to increase your security and Confidence in yourself.

In addition, visualizing your past successes, being aware of everything you have achieved for yourself, will help you to have greater confidence in the future.

3. Change your internal language, leaving aside self-criticisms

Self-criticism

Sometimes, without realizing it, you send negative internal messages about yourself.

Surely sometimes even verbalize these messages to other people, saying for example"how clumsy I am""I never do things right".

The first step in changing this communication with yourself is to learn to detect these negative messages and turn them into positives.

It is not a question of denying reality, but of being more objective in the criticisms - constructive - that we make of ourselves.

An example could be as follows:

Instead of saying,"I'm very irresponsible and disorganized,"you might say,"I'd like to be more orderly and responsible. I have to work to change This aspect of myself."

In the first case, you can see how it is a negative self-criticism about oneself, which simply makes a description, without intention or Purpose of change.

However, the second case reveals a language that enhances change over an area with which one is dissatisfied.

By changing this language, little by little, you will change your catastrophic thoughts about yourself, you will achieve your goals little by little and This will lead you to increase your level of self-confidence.

4. Pay attention to your non-verbal language

Non-verbal language tricks

He nonverbal language Reveals to a large extent many aspects of our personality.

Surely more than once you have detected a level of emotional insecurity in other people thanks to its non-verbal language.

The signs of people who have low confidence and security are usually the following:

  • They do not keep their eyes on talking to someone else.

  • They have low eyes.

  • They do not usually take the initiative when starting a conversation.

  • Sometimes they talk fast because they want to end their intervention soon, for fear they are inappropriate.

  • Normally, they have a stooped body position.

  • They speak in a low and hesitating tone.

In order to convey greater security and confidence in yourself, you need to modify these aspects of non-verbal language.

Start by detecting which are the signs of non-verbal language where you transmit an image of low security in yourself, to modify little to little bit.

Do not try to modify all these aspects at the same time, since you will be more concerned in giving a good image than in enjoying a conversation Or an encounter with your friends.

With regard to verbal language, you should consider speaking with tranquility and spontaneity, so that you can transmit confidence to the one who is Listening.

5. Use the sense of humor

how to be happy

One common aspect among people who are insecure in themselves is that they are affected by criticism more than other people.

If you have this problem, you will surely blush when you make a fool of yourself or when you say something inappropriate - or even stay out of the group out of fear To an uncomfortable situation.

To combat this shame, you should make use of the sense of humor.

If you have an error or say something awkward, you can laugh at yourself, so that others can laugh with you - not you.

It diminishes importance to the consequences that your behavior can have, so that you do not have a fear and excessive and irrational to the criticisms of those who Surround.

6. Do not apologize continuously

sorry

This is another aspect that you should change from your verbal and non verbal .

If you are an insecure person, you may apologize excessively, so the words"forgiveness","apology"or"sorry"are often in your vocabulary.

Asking for forgiveness or apologizing for everything makes others see you as a very insecure and weak person.

In addition, it also has negative consequences for yourself, since you feel that you are to blame or responsible for what is happening around you.

By making some simple changes to your vocabulary, you will make others feel more confident in yourself, while avoiding Feel bad about your behavior.

For you to see it more clearly, you could avoid saying,"I'm sorry I was late,"and change it to"thank you for waiting".

In this way, you show gratitude to the other person but without needing to be overly concerned about what they can say about you or what they can Reproach you

In this example, you could also use the sense of humor described above, telling in a fun way the reason why you have not been punctual.

7. Do not Be Overly Humble

Lifestyles

For your safety and self-confidence to be greater, you should learn to accept the compliments you receive from others.

Put aside the shame because they have told you how good the new haircut feels, or that they flatter you for doing your job well.

You do not have to be arrogant or pretentious, just thank the others for everything they say about you, thank you and Values ​​those positive aspects of yourself.

People who have great confidence and self-confidence are also able to flatter others - in fact, they often do it frequently.

Try to acquire this habit of flattering others and you will enjoy the positive consequences it brings - acceptance, gratitude, etc. -.

8. Take care of your physical appearance

Woman scratching her head

Although the physical is not the most important, it is clear that your safety and trust depends, in part, on him.

Wearing appropriate clothes every time, not being too extravagant, will help you feel more confident and less concerned about what they will say.

On the other hand, you should also pay attention to your silhouette - without getting obsessed - so that the person you see in the mirror makes you feel Well every day.

So that you can be more satisfied with your image, you can propose to dedicate a little more time to your personal care - apply moisturizing creams, Make a hairstyle that favors you, etc.-.

Your purpose should be to become the best version of yourself, without comparisons with others, without judging yourself or Blame you For your current appearance.

Remember that your safety and confidence in yourself should not depend solely on your physical appearance, since it would be a false security Which only makes you feel good on a temporary basis.

If you follow these tips, you will build a confidence and confidence in yourself that will help you increase your personal well-being.

"A bird perched on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its confidence is not in the branch, but in its own wings."

And what are you doing to be a safer person?

References

  1. Branden, N. (1989). How to improve your self-esteem . Book club.
  2. Branden, N. (1995). The six pillars of self esteem . Paidós.
  3. González-Pienda, J.A., Pérez, J.C. N., Pumariega, S.G., & García, M. S. G. (1997). Self-concept, self-esteem and school learning. Psicothema , Referring to Fig. (2), 271-289.
  4. López, M. P. S., García, M.E.A., & Dresch, V. (2006). Anxiety, self-esteem and self-perceived satisfaction as predictors of health: differences between men and women. Psicothema , 18 (3), 584-590.
  5. Image source 2.


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