The Exercises of couple therapy That I will explain to you in this article will help you to have a much happier and more enriching life. When you have a partner it is normal to have arguments, misunderstandings, jealousy and other problems of coexistence.
This can become a really uncomfortable problem because it causes you discomfort and you are not totally happy.
6 Exercises to Practice in Couple Therapy
Look at your partner with unfamiliar eyes
Do you feel identified with this scene?
Alicia: I met your husband, I met him the other day how cute, I did not know it was so much fun!
Ana: Yes, if it's very funny (with a smile).
However what you are really thinking is" As you can tell that you do not live with him. If I told you…".
As Antonio Bolinches, an expert on couples therapy, explains in the couple relationship there is a phenomenon that he calls the mathematics of feelings.
The math of feelings comes to say is that, in the first years of the relationship with your partner, you see in the other a whole series of virtues That captivate you: it's fun, hard working, charming...
However, after 8 years of being together, your partner is no longer fun but heavy, and is no longer a worker but obsessive of work.
This explains why most separations or divorces occur at 10 years of marriage. The couple fails to see the virtues that in a At first they marveled him, thus becoming his greatest faults.
The members of these couples, divorced or separated, join with another person who does have the virtues that the other did not have. However, after A few years, the mathematics of the feelings , In which, again the virtues will be seen as defects.
The proof is that, as Bolinches has been able to verify, 50% of the people who separate from the couple and start with another, after a while Repent
Following the initial example, the exercise that I propose to remedy this phenomenon, is that you try to put yourself for a moment in the eyes of Alicia.
It is an exercise of imagination.
At a time when you see your partner clueless about something, for example walking down the street talking to someone or at home busy doing something, do the Exercise to observe it as if you saw it for the first time.
Observe how it unfolds, its way of interacting with others, their movements, their gestures. Do it with an external look. Is there something that captivates you? What do you like?
He thinks that in his moment he captivated you, but in time you only have the contaminated image of the discussions, the disagreements and the routine.
Putting yourself in the skin of a stranger can make you see those things of your partner that day by day has been hiding but are still there. You've simply lost sight of them.
I am you and you are me
The basis of most partner problems and the basis of most discussions is the lack of empathy Towards the feelings of the other.
Discussions can be for many reasons: communication problem, money, sex, household chores, education of children, etc. However, all Have in common that if you are arguing it is because you feel that your partner is not understanding you.
Learning to put yourself in the place of your partner and understand their feelings is the key to a successful relationship.
But like everything in life, it costs an effort and needs practice. For this I propose a role-sharing exercise.
After a discussion in which you have not reached any understanding, propose to your partner the following:
Let's make that I am you and you are me. We are going to get back to the discussion we have had but each will talk and argue from the other's point of view. See what happens.
What just happens is that this exercise gives you a perspective on how one aspect of one's situation is perceived by the other.
If you do this exercise every time you have an argument with your partner in which you have not reached an agreement, you will observe that each time you get It is easier to put yourself in their place and understand their feelings. Thus the discussions will be increasingly brief, less frequent and more civilized.
Learn to communicate
Do you have difficulty communicating with your partner?
Communication is one of the main aspects of the relationship.
A good couple communication is a sign of consistency within the couple. On the contrary, a communication is a sign of a relationship Weakened and therefore with greater risk of crises and disagreements.
Evaluate how you communicate with your partner. Broadly speaking, we can find two types of communication problems:
Communicational amount:
It may be that there is a lack of communication, that is, that you have caught the dynamic of not telling much things.
For example, the things that happen to you in your day to day, aspects of work, or aspects that have to do more with your partner and tell you things That you like and do not like him / her or talk about your feelings.
It is evident that the lack of communication causes a great distance and in the long run a feeling of emptiness.
In addition, the communication deficit causes more communication deficits. Since the less accounts, the less you have to count. And so on.
To resolve this issue I propose that you agree with your partner to have 30 minutes a day of communication alone, without anyone bothering you.
These 30 minutes a day are meant to sit and talk.
It can be anything: how you've been at work, what you'd like to do at the weekend, the news you've seen in the newspaper, or That you would like your partner to be more affectionate.
If putting into practice this time of communication to the day you observe that you have difficulty in communicating, that is to say, in terms of quality, Then add the exercise that I present below.
Communication quality:
Another problem of communication in the couple is not related to the amount of communication but rather the Quality of communication .
The quality of communication has to do with respecting the turn of speech, trying to understand what your partner is saying, speaking with a tone Appropriate, do not use words like weapons, etc.
Analyze how communication with your partner is at the level of quality. If you think you communicate, but you do not do it in a proper way and you have Difficulty in arriving at agreements and understandings throughout a discussion, you must learn to communicate in a more effective and functional.
To do this I propose an exercise to improve the quality of communication with your partner:
Step 1
Plan something fun to do within 30 minutes of completing the exercise
Step 2
Person A speaks for 10 minutes (he has the right to consume every minute).
Person B listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree on what person A is Saying he must respect his 10 minutes without intervening.
Step 3
Person B speaks for 10 minutes (You have the right to consume every minute).
Person A listens actively and silently (clarifying only if necessary). Even if you do not agree on what person A is Saying he must respect his 10 minutes without intervening.
Step 4
Person B, returns him during 5 minutes The thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed in a sample of Who has understood it (can not make valuations or opinions).
Person B, returns him during 5 minutes The thoughts, feelings and actions that A has expressed in a sample of Who has understood it (can not make valuations or opinions).
Step 5
Go together to do the activity you initially proposed without talking about it, just focus on enjoying.
It is a training to learn the Ability to communicate . At first it will be very mechanical and artificial, but as You will see how you do it more and more of yours and in a more spontaneous and natural way.
This is an exercise in understanding the other. Being able to understand the other is fundamentally based on one main aspect: Knowing how to listen.
When you are able to understand your partner, you do not need to come up with solutions.
Make a list of fun things
What are the 10 things that you like to do together?
This is a very useful and easy exercise to recover the illusion with your partner.
Often the routine takes over life as a couple. If you believe that you have entered into this dynamic remedy as soon as possible.
Fortunately it is a problem with easy solution. Do not let this deteriorate your relationship.
Simply do with your partner a list of 10 things you like, or else, you would like to do together. Once the list is completed be sure to cross out At least one item in the list per month.
You can see how quickly you resume the illusion of doing things together and leaving behind the routine in which you found.
It is an easy exercise that has very fast and positive effects on the couple. Why not try it?
15 minutes of tenderness
This exercise that I propose below aims to help you to have more approach and physical contact with your partner.
It consists of sitting comfortably with your partner on the couch or in two chairs, facing each other. Withdraw any accessories such as glasses, bracelets, watches, etc.
Start caressing your partner's hair. You can massage your head with a soft touch. While you do, close your eyes and concentrate on feeling Consciously touching his hair and his head. Do this for 10 minutes.
Then he strokes his face. And as if you touched it for the first time, gently explore with your hands how your forehead, eyebrows, eyes, Cheeks, ears, nose, lips and chin. Do it for 5 minutes.
The person receiving the caresses should concentrate on how he feels those strokes.
If at some point you do not like how your partner is doing it, either because he is too strong or too weak, it is advisable to stop and Be positive:"Can you make it a little softer?"Instead of"You're being too rough."
After the 15 minutes finish, talk about what you have felt each one during the exercise. For example,"Your hair is very soft,""I felt Pampered,""I liked it a lot when you touched my ears."
Now change the papers and repeat the exercise. It does not have to be that day. You can spend a few days agreeing the next time you go to do.
Just open it
This is another exercise designed to get closer to your partner and have more moments of physical contact that give you greater security, affection and tenderness.
It works well for couples who have been distancing themselves physically and for those couples in whom, normally the woman, feels that she does not want to accede to Kiss or have physical contact with your partner because you perceive that it will lead you to having to have sex.
One way to solve this conflict is to introduce frequent hugs that have a non-sexual pretension but of affection, warmth and tenderness.
Embrace yourself in the kitchen, in the garage, in the garden, in the elevator, wherever. Just feel how your stress falls on your partner's body, note The warmth of the body, just that.
Try to hold the hug for a few minutes, let yourself fall on your partner.
This simple exercise has amazing results. It can even lead to rekindling the passion of the couple.
And what other exercises do you know to practice in couple therapy?