The Children's tantrums Occur when children suffer great emotional activation and are unable to calm themselves, feeling difficult to self-manage the emotions they are feeling.
Luckily for them, children often rely on their father and mother as well as other adults to be able to optimally manage their emotions and to cope with the daily problems and conflicts that occur in their childhood.
Usually as adults we tend to think that the children's stage is the happiest time in life. A stage that is almost always related to concepts and emotions such as happiness, joy, unconcern, well-being, etc.
Although this has a lot of truth, it should not be forgotten that children, like adults, have both Positive emotions As with Negative emotions And they may also feel frustration at events that occur to us on a daily basis.
In this article I will try to give you some guidelines so that at those times when your children have a tantrum you can manage the situation in a simpler way as well as learn to calm them and be able to comfort them.
Why do children cry?
For many adults it is difficult to understand and accept the crying and tantrums of their children.
It is very common for us to find parenting tips based on children's temper tantrums that are contradictory to what children need at the time.
Thinking that a crying child does it by getting away with it and must learn to control it is a decision that can affect both your child and your attachment relationship.
As an adult, sure that when you feel like crying or being alone you give yourself permission to do it, which is surely what you feel like.
Imagine that you are angry because you just lost money and just feel like being angry and screaming. Add to the situation that there is someone that you have a lot of appreciation that does not respect your emotions and try not to express your anger by telling you that it is not so much and that all you want is to draw attention.
Perhaps with this example you understand the frustration that a child can feel when they are not allowed to express their anger and as an adult they adopt behaviors to stop crying or kicking.
Crying is a normal response of the organism to stimuli that provoke intense feelings of sadness.
For children crying is a way to demand help from their caregivers. Crying can happen through pain, hunger, separation or any other habitual cause that surpasses the coping capacity of the child.
According to John Bowie, father of Attachment theory , Non-acceptance of a child's negative emotions can have negative consequences as well.
He further stated that children should be able to express their pain openly through crying during situations of separation or loss. As well as anger towards their parents.
Children need to cry when something happens in their lives that Causes them stress . In the life of children there can be many sources of stress although as adults we think that their concerns should be minimal.
A child according to his age can be stressed by many situations, such as another child removing his toy, a food he does not like or even sleep.
Although the stress of children will inevitably be present during the infancy stage, parents can reduce that level of stress in them by providing a supportive environment in which adults can respond and easily recognize needs Of the small.
Remember that you are their model of reference and support. The little one needs to have someone to hold on to when he or she does not know how to manage correctly or simply what is happening to him or what he is feeling.
Taking a behavior of indifference to the crying of your children can make the self-concept of children is battered because the message that comes to your child is that it does not deserve the attention and comfort by figures as important as their father and his mother.
Otherwise if the behavior adopted by the parents is to punish the child in some way every time he cries, he will incorporate into his mental schemas a self-concept of himself in which he will decide not to express his feelings in the short, medium future And long term, since it will associate something harmful and negative stimuli.
It is understandable that sometimes your patience is not enough to contain your child's crying and tantrum. This is why in this article I show you several tips so that in those moments of emotional intensity you can help the little one to calm down and as an adult stabilize the situation successfully.
Tips to calm your children's tantrums
1. Try to prevent frustration
A tired or hungry child will have a lower level than normal to tolerate frustration, so it is desirable that your child's basic needs are covered since in that way when he becomes angry or sad his reaction will not be so High.
2. Breathe deeply
Remember that you are the adult and you are the one who must maintain the patience. Surely sometimes it costs more to try to let your child express their anger or sadness but thinks that adopting techniques to stay calm, such as breathing deeply will make the situation much easier for both.
3. Accompany him
No person at any age finds it pleasant to be in a situation of loneliness when their feelings are overwhelmed. That is why when your child is crying it is very important that you are by your side if you require it, this way you will see that even though you are sad or angry at this time you will be accompanying him at all times to let him know that you are there for what he needs .
4. Keep it safe.
It is possible that when your child feels a great anger or frustration the feeling of anger causes him to act with violence. It is very important to stop your behavior calmly if you see that it can hurt someone or it can hurt you.
If necessary, so that you can release your anger you can allow him to hit for example something that can not be injured like a pillow.
5. Make him feel that you care about him
Maybe your child will not want to talk at first, give him time for the intensity of his behavior to diminish, but it will always be helpful to ask him about why he is crying or what is wrong with him.
Children often develop language comprehension rather than verbal expression ability. So if the child is very young will not be able to explain in full detail what happens to you, it is your adult duty to try to find out what may have happened to cause that emotional reaction in your child.
6. Do not make fun of him
Perhaps when you find out why your child has been angry or sad is that it seems to be of little importance, but remember that he is still small to learn to tolerate a high level of frustration as well as to manage his emotions in a mature way.
It is important that you do not give your child a message of indifference to the reason why he cries.
Something to add at this point is that in the society in which we live it is not well seen to cry, kick or scream in public. It is important that you understand that this is a social concept and that your children are still learning to develop in the world we live in so if they need to express themselves let them do it with total freedom.
7. Show your support
Let your child know that when you need it, you will be there for whatever you may require. It is likely that once you have calmed down, you want to express what has happened to you. Let him know that you are going to listen and you will try to help him and support him so that he can fit the situation.
Still do not pressure him to speak if he still does not want to do it. Nor do you force him to stop crying or to be quiet, let him pass and be patient with calm.
8. Never lose the papers
It is understandable that you are almost at the point of losing patience, but under no circumstances use physical or verbal abuse to your child.
This can cause emotional and psychological damage to the child. At such times your child needs understanding from his attachment figure.
In addition you would be committing an abuse of power, since your child being small is not on equal terms with the violence that you can provide.
9. Name Emotions
The fact that your child knows how to identify what he is feeling will help you resolve the situation in a more relaxed way, since ignorance of what the emotions are and what they are called each can make your child still feel Worse, thus increasing the tantrum he is having at that time.
This is why the fact of teaching emotional intelligence to the child, explaining what he is feeling at this moment will give him greater peace of mind and knowledge as well as self-knowledge of the frustration he is feeling.
Phrases such as"I understand that you feel angry because you lost your doll"or"Maria, now you are sad and you need to cry because the cookies are gone"can make the tantrum have a shorter duration and decrease the intensity quickly.
You are in a gentle, loving tone, just as you would like them to speak to you if you were sad or angry.
In addition, your child will feel heard, understood and accompanied by what your attachment relationship will strengthen.
10. Use relaxation
A good method is also to teach the little ones to meditate. The meditation Has many benefits, among which is the development of self-healing capacity.
If your child is still too young to learn to meditate, try to perform with activities that can promote a state of peace, such as avoiding loud noises, putting on soft music, giving him a relaxing bath...
11. Use language that can understand and rise to its height
Although children develop early comprehension skills, it is important that when you talk to them in simple language they can understand. Do not use very long phrases, very elaborate explanations or technicalities.
A soft tone of voice, along with a few strokes (if you feel like giving up and do not pull away) can make the child calm down faster and better.
It is also recommended that you crouch and put yourself at your height to talk or interact with him in some way, as this will pay more attention and understand that you are not quarreling, but want to help.
In short, you can follow these steps whenever you want, although it is difficult that in a moment of emotional outburst you can carry out each and every one of them.
But calmly, if you gradually apply them you will realize that simply by trying and patiently adopt this new model of parenting and accompaniment.
Begin to relate to your children the way you would have liked your parents to relate to you when you were little. He thinks it's never too late to have a happy childhood.
And what do you do to relieve temper tantrums in children?