Can infidelity be forgiven? (Of Woman or Man)

The answer is yes, you can Forgive an infidelity of a woman or man, whether in courtship or marriage.

There are several factors that determine whether the couple can be reconciled. Among them, the personality of the person who suffers infidelity, if both want to continue with the relationship, how was infidelity, the age of the members of the couple, whether there are children or not, even the economic situation...

To forgive an infidelity

Infidelity is a very painful experience for the couple:

  • Confidence has broken down and many doubts arise.
  • Suspicions increase for possible new infidelities.
  • One tends to think that the member of the couple who committed the infidelity is in debt.
  • There is more control on the part of the member who suffered infidelity.

Can you continue with the relationship? Is that what they both want? How do you restore a healthy link? Is it possible that the couple strengthened after an infidelity or is it better to end this matter? Is infidelity a wound that will never heal?

Although many couples are separated without being able to Overcome infidelity , Others continue their relationship, but for the bond to be healthy for both in the future, forgiveness must exist.

1-Are you willing to forgive?

A study Conducted by the University of Missouri-Kansas City has found that couples who strengthened after a situation of infidelity were those where the deceived could truly forgive the one who was unfaithful.

The investigation Revealed that forgiveness was critical to overcoming the pain associated with infidelity, being more important than the time, commitment and satisfaction found in the relationship.

Forgiveness is the most important thing to achieve a"post-traumatic growth", that is, so that a negative experience such as infidelity can be transformed into something positive and provide a new meaning to life as a couple, strengthening it and also strengthening its members individually.

2-Do you really want to forgive?

Many people claim that they would never forgive an infidelity, but when the moment comes, when there are many feelings at stake and perhaps many years of life together, this perspective often changes, or at least loses certainty.

When infidelity is discovered it is likely that the closest family or friends, usually with the best intentions, dare to give advice on whether or not to forgive the other person.

But you should not let these opinions influence your decision. You must decide whether you want to continue the conscious relationship, connecting with your feelings to determine what it is that you really want.

It is natural that at first you are not clear what you feel or what you want for the future, but after a few days the stronger emotions will pass and your ideas will gradually become clearer.

3-How has infidelity been?

It is not the same an infidelity that happens once in a casual way than to have had a parallel relationship for years. Nor do you experience the same situation if your relationship was relatively good as if, on the contrary, they discussed very often.

It is possible that these two very different situations lead to different ways of living or feeling infidelity, or maybe not, because in the feelings and pain that causes infidelity there are actually no rules.

It is important, however, before trying to embark on the path of forgiveness and rebuilding the couple, to discern whether they both wish to continue with the relationship or not. Both should try to analyze what were the reasons that gave rise to this situation, where possibly both had a certain degree of responsibility.

It may be worth trying to continue with a marriage of many years if infidelity was something casual, just one night. Or maybe it's best to separate if he or she really feels that your relationship can not continue.

Infidelity can also be a product of disability To handle feelings Which can arise inside and outside the couple. Some people do not give enough value to the relationship they have and believe that a casual or unimportant infidelity will not hurt.

Other times, Feelings of inferiority , Low self-esteem Or sex addiction can be the cause of infidelity. It is important to establish what were the factors that somehow caused the situation to work on these problems and overcome them, if both want to remain together.

Each case is particular, and there are actually no rules. But whether they decide to stay together or not, forgiveness is always necessary to overcome pain.

4-Forgive and continue

If after meditating and chatting, both agree to try to rebuild the relationship, forgiveness towards the person who was unfaithful must rely on some fundamental pillars:

  • Admit the error

The one who cheated must admit that he was wrong, that infidelity was really a big mistake and should not look for excuses trying to excuse his behavior. If you assume your responsibility, repent and affirm that it will never happen again, then perhaps you can begin to think of forgiving, if you wish.

  • Act accordingly

In order to be able to forgive, in the first place, your partner must totally get away from the person with whom you were unfaithful.

Must leave social networks If necessary, or even change jobs, if the third person in contention was a workmate.

There should be no contact, otherwise there will always be doubts, rancor, anger and jealousy. The one who was unfaithful must be sympathetic to your anger and your lack of confidence. You must do your best to win it back, if you both really want to continue the relationship that unites them.

  • Honesty

The honesty of both parties, but especially of who was unfaithful, is fundamental to be able to rebuild the couple on a solid basis of forgiveness and trust . When you see the honesty of your words and attitudes, little by little the trust is restored and after a while it will be possible to enjoy a healthy and happy relationship.

  • Commitment

Repentance and honesty in the actitudes Must reflect a genuine commitment through concrete facts, aimed at rebuilding, strengthening and Work on your relationship .

Avoiding reproaches and useless discussions and, why not, To do couple therapy , Can be some facilitating tools to achieve forgiveness and rebuilding the bond.

  • Keep the family together

In couples who have small children, this can also be a good reason for forgiveness: keep the family together. But it is extremely important that, before considering this point, the previous ones have been fulfilled.

That is, once your partner has admitted the error, is repentant of what he did, expresses his willingness not to repeat the situation and to continue with life as a couple, not to disarm the family is a factor to Add to work on the forgiveness of infidelity.

But surely, this can not be the only reason. If you continue with your relationship just so that the children do not have to live the separation of their parents, but in reality you do not have a healthy and happy bond, then the children will suffer, possibly more than if you separated to rebuild their lives Every man for himself.

Visit this article To learn more about controlling various partner issues.

CONCLUSIONS

Forgiveness is difficult, but not impossible.

Infidelity feels like a deep betrayal, as a lack of appreciation or respect for our person, is a painfully nailed dagger in our ego, is to see how many illusions about life as a couple fade, it is as if the fragile bond broke Of the trust that united them, is like a great blow to the head that leaves you totally disoriented, full of rage and pain.

Forgiving is difficult, but there is a way to achieve it. The first step is to recognize the feelings that appear: anger, pain, anger. Allow yourself to feel them and release them: cry, shout and kick if necessary.

Over time, the pain will pass and you can begin to forgive, seeing in the other person someone who is not perfect, who was wrong but who is repentant, wants to improve to continue a life together and demonstrates with their attitudes.

To forgive is necessary to learn to let go, to leave the past behind, accepting what happened and trying to use it in a positive way, to learn and strengthen us.

The other person must understand that for a while there will be questions, doubts and mistrust, and he must be willing to face these situations comprehensively, until the wounds heal and confidence is restored.

What if you can not forgive?

Forgiveness is not mandatory or necessary. Sometimes the person who was unfaithful does not even repent of their actions, does not apologize or assume their responsibility and in these cases, it will be impossible to forgive and reestablish a healthy relationship.

In case there is a desire and a commitment in both of you to continue working together on your bond, but as time passes you can not forgive infidelity, there may be other issues to be solved in addition to infidelity itself.

In these cases, it may be a good idea to have professional help from a psychotherapist, for example.

In short, forgiving is not easy, but it is perfectly possible. The path begins with the desire to give yourself a new opportunity, to leave the past behind and to look forward with hope, with the muto commitment to put the best of each one to strengthen the couple again.

Image source.


Loading ..

Recent Posts

Loading ..