The Parenting styles Make reference to the set of behaviors of the parents with whom they inculcate to their children the cultural norms and values.
In the scientific literature we can find a great multitude of studies about how they influence the styles that parents adopt when educating their children, since from the second half of the twentieth century was one of the topics that took greater prominence and Is still a very important research topic today.
When we analyze the basic dimensions of the behavior of fathers and mothers, we find two main ones:
- Affection and communication . It is the importance that parents give to affection and affection in their relationship with their children. The emotional tone that directs the interactions between parents, children and children, as well as the level of communicative exchanges existing in such interactions.
There are parents who have a warm and close relationship with their children, which motivates them to express their emotions and thoughts. However, there are also parents whose relationship with their children carries them more coldly. There are less communicative exchanges with their children, less expressions of affection and sometimes governs hostility.
- Control and requirements . It consists mainly of discipline. How much parents demand from their children, to what extent they control their behavior, whether there are penalties or not... and how they focus on situations that pose challenges for their children.
There are parents who are more or less demanding, and this will make the children have to work more or less to achieve the goals. There are also fathers and mothers who establish a great variety of norms, very inflexible and with punishments demanding if they are not fulfilled, as well as the ones that if they put punishments in the end they do not put them to the practice, and who directly do not use the punishment like method educational.
Unsurprisingly, these dimensions not only react by their extremes (not affective-very affective, not demanding-very demanding), but are organized in a continuous line with many degrees and nuances.
Educating in the family
When we talk about educating in the family, we refer to the process that the parents and mothers do with their children in helping them to develop their intellectual, moral, emotional and affective faculties.
All these faculties are essential for the development of children, although in the society of the academic titles in which we are, seems to prioritize first of all the cognitive development.
The truth is that emotional development is one of the essential elements in people, which helps the world understand and the personality . Emotional intelligence allows us to express emotions, understand and control them, and understand the emotions of others.
This does not mean that norms and cognitive development are not important, but good emotional development accompanies optimal cognitive development. Both aspects are fed back, and should be taken into account when educating children.
Development of personality and emotions
The development of the personality and the emotions of the children depend to a great extent on the educational processes and socialization. Her self-esteem is linked in large part to how she feels valued by her parents, and learning about emotions will be linked to the socialization and affective processes within her family.
In the early ages of children, their family has a great influence in these processes, since children are still domocentristas, that is, their parents and siblings, if they have them, are the center of their life and over Which base their reality.
In addition, the influences children and their families receive are multidirectional. For example, the parents' relationship will affect their child, or the child's temperament will have an effect on the parents. Also the relationship between the siblings, or each child with each parent, will affect the family: Everything counts.
For this reason, we must understand the family as a system of reciprocal interpersonal relations, which is not isolated from the environment around it or alien to its influences: the work of the parents, the experiences that the children live in school, the Relationship between parents and school, etc. They are also important in the development of the family nucleus and the family as a system.
In any case, the education that parents provide to their children is key to their development, as it will be the one that tells them how to relate to the world, what things are important, or how much they should love themselves.
The 4 parental educational styles
The dimensions we discussed before are the basis of the four typical styles of parenting for their children. Here's a summary table of the four educational styles depending on the combination of the levels of the basic dimensions.
The democratic style
It is the one followed by parents who show signs of affection and acceptance explicit, are sensitive to their needs, favored to express themselves verbally externalizing their feelings and thoughts, while having a high level of demand that seeks the effort on the part of their Children, leave the rules clear by letting them know their children, and comply with punishments or sanctions.
The relationship with her children is characterized by being warm, close, affectionate and communicative. They tend to have explanatory dialogues with their children based on reasoning and consistency. They use positive reinforcement, and they encourage their children to continually excel.
This educational style is the most sought after and recommended in general, since its positive effects are shown for the mental health of the children.
The children of democratic parents
These children are the ones that have the characteristics generally most desired by the current western culture. They are characterized by having a High self-steem , With confidence in themselves, who strive to achieve their goals and do not give up easily. They face new situations with confidence and enthusiasm.
Have good social skills , So that they are socially competent, and have a great emotional intelligence, that allows them to express, understand and control their own emotions, as well as to understand others' emotions and to have empathy.
The authoritarian style
Parents who follow this educational style attach great importance to rules, control and demand, but emotions and affections do not play a major role in their interactions with their children. They do not usually express openly affection towards their children, and are not very sensitive to the needs of their children (especially needs for love, affection and emotional support).
Sometimes they have a great need for control over their children, which they express as a reaffirmation of power over them, without explanation. They do not give importance to children understanding why they have to do what they are asked, so that the rules are not explained reasonably, they impose themselves. Phrases such as"because I say so","because I am your father / mother"or"this is my house and you will do what I tell you"are typical authoritarian parents.
They tend to use punishments and threats as a way to shape the behavior of their children, which they rigorously comply with.
Children of authoritarian parents
These children tend to have low self-esteem, since their parents have not taken into account their emotional and affective needs at the same level as the norms. They have learned that external power and demands are priorities, and therefore they are obedient and submissive to external powers.
However, they are insecure children with low Emotional intelligence , Who hardly have self-control over their emotions or behaviors when an external source of control is absent. For this reason, they are vulnerable to presenting aggressive behaviors in situations whose self-control only depends on themselves.
In addition, they are not very skilled in social relations, since they do not finish understanding the emotions and behaviors of others, governing in them the insecurity .
The permissive style
Contrary to what happens in the authoritarian style, the permissive style is characterized by high affective and emotional levels. These parents prioritize their child's welfare over anything, and it is the child's interests and desires that govern the parent-child relationship.
As a result, they are non-demanding parents, who raise little standards and challenges to their children. In the face of the difficulty, they will allow their children to give up easily, and tend not to comply with the punishments and threats that they put to their children (in case of using them).
Children of permissive parents
These children are characterized by being very cheerful, funny and expressive. However, being unaccustomed to standards, limits, demands and effort, are also very immature children, unable to control their impulses and surrender with ease.
In addition, they are usually rather selfish children, since they have always prioritized them above all else, and have not had to give up things for others.
The indifferent / careless style
This last educational style could be described as non-existent. Indeed, parents pay little attention to their children in both dimensions, so that rules and affections shine by their absence.
Their relationships with children are cold and distant, with little sensitivity to the needs of children, sometimes forgetting even basic needs (food, hygiene and care).
In addition, although in general they do not establish limits and norms, sometimes they exert excessive and unjustified control, totally incoherent, that only makes the children dizzy about their own behavior and emotions.
Children of indifferent / negligent parents
These children have identity problems and low self-esteem. They do not know the importance of the rules, and, therefore, they will hardly fulfill them. In addition, they are less sensitive to the needs of others and especially vulnerable to presenting behavior problems, with the personal and social conflicts that this entails.
10 Tips for Being a Democratic Parent
1. Always keep in mind that your child is dependent on you, and that your behavior and reactions to your behavior will determine your behavior.
2. Consider your emotional and emotional needs, not just the basic ones. Children need affection, affection, love and patience.
3. Children need to understand what they feel. Encourage them to express the things that happen to them, and help them identify what they are called those feelings that describe you.
4. Explain, if you are feeling sad or tired, why. This is not to say that you tell your children adult affairs, but you can always convey your explanation to the child, and it will be good for him to know how to identify the emotions in others. For example, if you look sad, the child needs to understand what happens to his mother or father. You can tell it has been a hard day for you, and that's why you'd like me to care. You will help to develop your sensitivity to the emotions of others.
5. Reasoning should be present in your communication exchanges. Explain to your children the whys of things. Things are not"because".
6. Your child needs limits and rules. They should know what to do and especially why it is important for them to do what you ask them to do.
7. In addition to knowing the limits and the rules, it is important that you fulfill your promises and threats. Do not promise a prize that you can not keep, and do not put a punishment if you will not fulfill it later. In this way, they will know that their behavior has consequences, and that these consequences are not random.
8. Your child needs to understand the importance of effort. Encourage them to face the situations presented to them and not to throw in the towel. Let them know that they are competent, and that with effort they can get what they propose.
9. Let your child know that if he makes a mistake or fails, you will be available to help him. It is common for some parents to warn their children that they will fall, and then, when it occurs, in addition to the crying and disgust that the child carries with his fall, his father or mother quarrels or punishes him. Instead, we can warn the child of the importance that he has to be careful because, if he falls, he will be hurt. And if he falls, to go (without alarm, that sometimes we frighten the child more by our behavior) in his aid.
10. Do not censor the thoughts and emotions of your child. It is good that the child does not feel self-conscious when expressing himself. Thus, he will feel that he can tell you his things, and it is always better to direct his behavior through knowledge than through his ignorance. This, above all, is more appropriate in adolescents, who will do what they want to do with or without the consent of their parents.
References
- American Psychological Association (2016). Parenting and teaching: What's the connection in our classrooms? Part one of two: how teaching styles can affect behavioral and educational outcomes in the classroom. Retrieved May 1, 2016.
- American Psychological Association (2016). Communication tips for parents. Retrieved 2 more 2016.
- Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11 (1), 56-95.
- Berryman, K., Power, R., Hollitt, S. (2016). Parenting Styles. Retrieved 2 May 2016.
- Marsiglia, C., Walczyk, J., Buboltz, W., Griffith-Ross, D. (2007). Impact of Parenting Styles and Locus of Control on Emerging Adults' Psychosocial Success. Journal of Education and Human Development, 1 (1).
- Palacios, J., Marchesi, A and Coll, C. (1999). Psychological development and education. 1. Evolutionary psychology. Madrid: Alianza.
- Parenting Science (2016). Parenting styles: A guide to the science-minded. Retrieved 2 May 2016.
- Verywell (2016). Parenting Styles. Retrieved May 1, 2016.