It seems impossible, but it is not. It can Forget a great impossible unrequited Which has had a great impact on your life, continue with a happy existence and even redo life next to a new partner, although the process is not free of pain.
Falling in love causes in the brain an effect similar to that caused by some drugs: it alters the perception of reality and generates substances in the brain that make us feel good.
That is why, when the falling in love is over and what follows is the lack of love, this can cause a kind of abstinence syndrome In whom he is still in love, syndrome that includes a great anxiety and sadness by the lack of contact with that person.
On the other hand, when it comes to a deep and established love over many years, the breakup is not less painful.
However, keep in mind that breakouts are a common occurrence in people's lives. It usually takes about three couples before you stay with the one who will spend most of your life.
According to Business Insider data, these are the statistics of country breakdowns:
- Belgium-70%.
- Portugal-68%.
- Hungary-67%.
- Czech Republic-66%.
- Spain-61%.
- United States-53%.
- Cuba-56%.
- Panama-27%.
- Venezuela of 27%
- Ecuador-20%.
- Mexico-15%
- Colombia-9%.
- Chile-9%.
Also, new technologies seem to have helped make it easier end a relationship : It is estimated that 28 million couples break a year for causes derived from Facebook or Whatsapp.
Tips to forget an impossible or forbidden love
Many times it is difficult to glimpse an exit in this dark tunnel of sad feelings. But here are 11 tips that will definitely help you get ahead.
1- Release your pain
At first, it may not be easy to get in touch with your emotions and release your pain. Sometimes the breaking of a great love is such a commotion in your life that it is difficult to internalize that reality and contact you with your feelings .
It is likely that the first days after separation have a sense of unreality. It seems like a lie that this is really happening. To avoid constantly thinking about the same thing can help you To practice meditation .
As time goes by this feeling fades away, while you begin to become aware of the great emotional blow that this represents in your life and it is natural that at those times you feel immensely sad.
When the tears seep into your eyes, do not hold them back. Let them out, in a place where you feel comfortable, it can be in your home, in the company of a friend, or simply alone.
Let out all that pain in the form of crying. You will see how you feel better later. The crises of crying will be more frequent at first and then gradually diminishing, as you accept and adapt to the new situation.
For more information on overcoming a break, I recommend you too. this article .
2- Forgive yourself and forgive the other person
It is possible that you feel guilty for the attitudes you had, that could contribute to the rupture of this love. Perhaps you would have spoken or acted differently, and now you repent.
Or maybe you feel a lot of anger or anger over what the other person did or said, which could also have been an important factor for separation.
In any case, you must forgive the other person and forgive yourself for the mistakes that one or the other may have had. Forgiveness has an unimaginable liberating power.
If you do not forgive, you will still be full of bitterness and bitterness, you will be trapped in these feelings and it will be difficult for you to get ahead.
Instead, in forgiving you will be taking the first step to forget this great love. Did you say something inappropriate or did you misbehave? At that moment you felt it like this, and you can always learn from your own mistakes.
Did the other person act wrong, hurt your feelings and away from you definitely? You must also forgive her and let her go, even if the pain is immense.
3- Accepts the separation
Little by little you will adapt to your new life without that person who was so important to you. It does not make sense to fight a situation that you can not change, because it does not depend on your will.
Accepting separation means not calling or texting your ex, or watching what you do or do not do. At first it will be difficult, but it is something that you have to do to turn the page and continue with your life.
Scientific studies carried out in this regard indicate that in order to forget a great love, the first thing is not to contact that person any more, let alone try to meet"by chance".
Accepting the new situation also means ceasing to live in the past. Memories can hurt you a lot if you spend all day thinking about how happy they were and what they can not be.
You have to look ahead and begin a new stage in your life and for that, you have to achieve the inner acceptance of this separation.
4- Process your duel
The duel Is a stage that occurs naturally when a long (or not so much) love relationship ends. Has several phases , Which include denial, anger, sadness or depression, and then move on to a stage of acceptance and overcoming.
It is a process that can take from a few months to a year or two, that depends on several factors. But the important thing is that you recognize these stages and allow yourself to live them.
When you feel anger, try to channel it by hitting a pillow for example. It is natural that you then feel sad, but try to distract yourself by doing some activity that you like.
Over time, you will probably be able to adapt well and you will begin a new stage, it is the one of overcoming, where you return to feel well with yourself, the feelings of sadness are definitely removed and at that moment, you will be ready to begin a new relationship , If the opportunity arises.
5. Do not be the victim
If that person has left you, you will surely feel bad, but feeling like the great victim in this situation will not help you to get ahead.
In all ruptures there is responsibility on both sides, sometimes more than one person than another. But whatever your particular situation, feeling sorry for yourself will not help you.
You may think that you can not live without the other person. Well, you're wrong. You can get ahead and be happy without that great love at your side. So raise your head with dignity, try to learn something from this unpleasant situation and start thinking about how you want your life to be from now on, that surely has many happy moments to offer you.
6- Eliminate all memories
In one of her articles, Dr. Helen Fisher, a research scientist who has spent several decades studying the biology of love (how they work neurons When this feeling arises), says that in order to forget a great love we must eliminate everything that reminds us of that person.
Photos, letters, gifts, you have to disappear all objects that can bring memories.
Love must be treated as an addiction, Fisher says. If someone wants to quit their alcohol addiction for example, you should get rid of all the bottles you have in your house. With love happens something similar, you have to eliminate the objects that can activate through memories, the neural circuit related to the love towards that person.
7- Do things you like
A painting class, learning a new language, doing crafts in a workshop. Sure there are many activities that you like but maybe you were not doing for lack of time.
In particular, physical activity Is very beneficial for your well-being and for building new relationships.
Now that you no longer have to dedicate hours to cultivate a relationship, you can enjoy free time doing some activity that pleases you. It can be a course, go for a walk on the beach or go to the gym.
In some of these new activities you may be able to meet new people, which is ideal to help you overcome this bad moment.
Doing things that you like will drive away feelings of sadness and create a sense of well-being. Watching a comedy movie or a humorous play can help Your nervous system Generate endorphins so that you feel better and little by little you forget that person that you loved so much.
8- Seek support in your family and friends
While moments of solitude and self-encounter are also needed to process this separation, the support of close family members and close friends can be decisive.
Whenever you have the opportunity and if you want, share your sorrows with your loved ones, you will see how the shared pain hurts less. They will know to give you a word of encouragement or a wise advice that can help you to spend this bad time and Look forward to the future .
In other words, your closest family or friends can give you significant emotional restraint that will help you to forget this great love. Do not close yourself, even if it is painful, share your feelings with the people you trust, they will unconditionally support you.
9- Meet new people
Carry out activities where you can Meet new people Is another important tool that will help you to get ahead.
This does not mean that when you attend a meeting of friends or attend a new course, you must go with the intention of meeting someone to form a new partner.
Meeting new people will allow you to have new experiences, social contact and new distractions to get past the past. You will not necessarily find a new love soon, and if you have not yet overcome separation, it better be.
When you have had a good time and feel happy and comfortable in your new situation, then perhaps it is time to open the door to a possible new love.
But until then, what you should do is go out with friends, do new activities that you enjoy and where you can meet new people, like to change airs and not always be in the same circles or simply, not stay at home.
The book of social skills " How to win friends ..."is very good and I recommend it to improve your social skills.
10- Seek supportive therapies
There are many therapies that can help you forget the person who was so important in your life. The Psychological therapy May be a good choice.
In case you decide to follow this path, you should look for a therapist with experience in this type of cases, with which you feel a good connection. Many times, when you go through these kinds of situations, it is difficult to distinguish what you should or should not do.
Many times you will feel confused, and the advice that family and friends can give you will never be objective. A therapist will listen to everything you have to say and can give you objective and professional advice.
And if you really feel that sadness never leaves you, even though you have tried to forget this love for more than six months, then maybe you are suffering from depression. You do not have to feel ashamed to consult the psychiatrist for him to determine if you need any medication and which medication is right for you.
Remember, the fact that you need medication at one time does not mean that you should take it for the rest of your life. And if so, you should not feel ashamed either.
Look at it this way: Just as people with diabetes need insulin for their bodies to function properly, people with depression need a drug that will help them feel better.
It is not a matter of will. No person with depression can feel better just by wanting it. So if you have any doubts, it is best to consult the doctor.
11- New projects for your life
At first, you may not imagine what your future life could be like, without that person at your side. And therefore, it will be difficult to make plans in the medium or long term.
But as time goes on, you will surely adapt to your new situation and it will be time to start making plans.
Think about where you want to travel the next vacation, what remodel you can do at home, think about changing the car maybe or renovating your furniture.
Any project that keeps your mind active and away from the sad thoughts related to that love that can no longer be, will help you to forget.
The new projects will work as a breath of fresh air for someone who has been locked in a small room for a long time, clear your mind and give a new meaning to your existence.
And what are you doing to forget that love of the past?