I leave you 100 funny humor phrases That will cheer you up for the day and make you laugh out loud. They are famous quotes, witty, witty and mischievous quotes from famous authors like Groucho Marx, Mark Twain, Roosevelt, Walt Whitman, Freud or Woody Allen.
It is proven that humor is good for well-being and happiness. It helps to free oneself from stress and to see the difficulties of life from a more positive perspective.
You may also like These sarcastic phrases , You are from Woody Allen or These from Groucho Marx .
Funny quotes from famous people
1-My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and asked for a second opinion. He said he was ugly, too.""Rodney Dangerfield.
2-Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.-Mark Twain.
3-If you could kick the person responsible for most of your problems, you could not sit in a month-Roosevelt.
4-I looked at my family tree and found that I was the toad.-Rodney Dangerfield.
5-Do not take life too seriously. You will not leave it alive.""Elbert Hubbard.
6-People who think they know everything are a great annoyance for which we know everything.-Isaac Asimov.
7-When you're in love, it's the two and a half more glorious days of your life.-Richard Lewis.
8 -I think if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find someone to whom life gives you vodka and have a party.-Ron White.
9-A day without sun is, you know, the night.-Steve Martin.
10-Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.-Margaret Mead.
11-Procrastinate is to keep the pace of yesterday.-Don Marquis.
12-I have not talked to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her."Rodney Dangerfield.
13-A word to the wise is not necessary-it's the stupid ones who need advice.-Bill Cosby.
14-Sexual inactivity is dangerous, produces horns.-Anonymous.
15-A woman's mind is cleaner than that of a man: they clean it more often-Oliver Herford.
16-I found that there is only one way to look skinny: hanging out with fat people.-Rodney Dangerfield.
17-Get facts first, then you can distort them to your liking.-Mark Twain.
18-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can afford. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.-Lana Turner.
"I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize I should have been more specific."Lily Tomlin.
"If you're going to do something tonight that you're sorry for tomorrow morning, lie down late.""Henny Youngman.
21-It's amazing that the news that happens in the world every day always fit in the newspaper.-Jerry Seinfield.
22-Laugh and the world will laugh with you, hoarse and you will sleep alone.-Anthony Burgess.
23-Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.-Benjamin Franklin.
24-They say that marriage is done in heaven. But also lightning and thunder.- Clint Eastwood .
25-I refuse to be part of a club that had me as a member.-Groucho Marx.
26-Every woman can be glamorous. All you have to do is keep still and look stupid. Hedy Lamarr.
27-It takes a lot of knowledge to realize the extent of your own ignorance.-Thomas Sowell.
28-I do not doubt that I deserved my enemies, but I do not think I deserved my friends.-Walt Whitman.
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt that said Guess. Said; Thyroid problems? -Arnold Schwarzenegger.
30-There are only three things women need in life: food, water and compliments.-Chris Rock.
31-I hate housework! You make the beds, clean the dishes and six months later you have to start over.-Joan Rivers.
32-If you want your wife to listen to you, speak to another woman; Will be all ears.- Sigmund Freud .
33-All generalizations are false, including this.-Mark Twain.
34-Do not worry about avoiding temptations. As long as you grow older, they'll avoid you.""Joey Adams.
35-I like long walks, especially when people pick on people who bother me.-Fred Allen.
36-I love deadlines. I like the whistling sound they make when they fly away.-Douglas Adams.
37-The only thing I regret in this life is not being someone else.-Woody Allen.
38-There can not be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.-Henry A. Kissinger.
39-I never drink water because of the unpleasant things that fish do in it.- W.C. Fields.
"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that the toys in my bathroom were a toaster and a radio.""Joan Rivers.
41-It's all right for everyone, align alphabetically according to their height.-Casey Stengel.
42-Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.-Luis Buñuel.
43-Anyone who says he can see through women is losing a lot.-Groucho Marx.
"I never said most of what I said."Yogi Berra.
45-If you want them to think you're a liar, always tell the truth.-Logan Pearsall Smith.
46-A pessimist is a person who has heard too many optimists.-Don Marquis.
47-Only the mediocre are always at their best.-Jean Giradoux.
48-Never hit a fallen man, you can get up.
"I used to run, but the ice cubes fell from my glass."- David Lee Roth.
"I do not need you to remind me of my age." I have a bladder that does it for me.-Stephen Fry.
51-I have tried not to know anything about many things and I have been quite successful.-Robert Benchley.
52-The cure for an obsession: get another. Mason Coooley.
53-Before rejecting your questions, I declare to be open.-Ronald Reagan.
"I do not deserve this prize, but I have arthritis and I do not deserve it.""Jack Benny.
55-Television is gum for the eyes.-Frank Lloyd Wright.
56-I buy expensive costumes. They just look cheap on me.-Warren Buffett.
57-A vegetarian is a person who will not eat anything that can have children.-David Brenner.
"If I called the wrong number, why did you answer?""James Thurber.
59-I failed to enter the chess team because of my height.-Woody Allen.
"Men are as loyal as their options."Bill Maher.
61-If you live 100 years, you have achieved it. Few people die past that age.-George Burns.
"I do not believe in life after death, but I'll bring a change of underwear."Woody Allen.
63-I was born in very sad circumstances. Both my parents felt very sad.-Norman Wisdom.
"I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair."Bette Davis.
"I spent a year in that town, a Sunday."George Burns.
"When I was born, I owed twelve dollars."George S. Kaufman.
67-If at first you do not succeed, blame your parents.-Marcelene Cox.
"If God wants us to fly, he would have given us tickets.""Mel Brooks.
69-Used to sell furniture to live. The problem is that they were mine.-Les Dawson.
"I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment."
"I do not think anyone should write their autobiography until after their deaths."-R Samuel Goldwyn.
72-The superfluous, something very necessary.- Voltaire .
"It's all fun, while it's happening to someone else."Will Rogers.
"It's always fun until someone gets hurt." So it's a lot of fun.-Bill Hicks.
75-I got attention being fun at school, pretending to be late and jumping around with a deformed hand.-Leonardo DiCaprio.
76-If the mountain comes to you, run, because it is collapsing. Anonymous.
77-Dear math, please grow and solve problems for me. I'm tired of solving them for you.-Anonymous.
"Some things are better not to say them. But I'll get drunk and I'll tell them anyway."
"I'm so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I'm saying."-Oscar Wilde.
80-Borrow money from a pessimist. They do not expect to be returned.-Anonymous.
"I used to think I'm indecisive, but now I'm not sure."
82-Santa Claus had the right idea: visit people once a year.-Victor Borge.
Bigamy is to have a wife many times. Monogamy is the same.-Oscar Wilde.
"If it were not for electricity, we'd all be watching television with candles."George Gobal.
85-A celebrity is a person who works all his life to be known, then he puts on dark glasses to avoid being recognized.-Fred Allen.
86-A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.-Arthur McBride Bloch.
-If the phone does not ring, it's me.-Jimmy Buffett.
"When I was a child, the Dead Sea was just sick."George Burns.
89-I can not understand why a person would spend a year writing a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.-Fred Allen.
"Now I'm beginning to remember. But I do not remember anything!"
91-The only time a woman can succeed by changing a man is when she's a baby.-Natalie Wood.
-The important thing is not knowing, but having the phone you know. Anonymous.
Two things are sure: the universe and human stupidity; And I'm not sure of the first.-Albert Einstein.
"My plastic plants died because I did not seem to water them."Mitch Hedberg.
95-Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.-Ronald Reagan.
96-I hate being bipolar, it's a fantastic feeling.-Anonymous.
97-Love at first sight ends at the second.-Anonymous.
"The bad thing is not living in the clouds, but going down."
99-Inappropriate is fun for me. Being rude is very funny.-Zach Galifianakis.
100-The first time I sang in the church; Two hundred people changed their religion.-Fred Allen.
"I'm not lazy, I'm in a way to save energy.
102. Time is precious, waste it wisely.
103-Facebook-wasting time since 2004.
"The only reason I'm fat is because this little body can not stand that personality.
105-The best things in life make you fat, get drunk or get pregnant.
106-Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can not laugh, call me and I'll laugh at you.
107-As a cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere.
"Everything is fun, as long as it happens to someone else."-Will Rogers.
-Don't think you're an ugly person, think you're a beautiful monkey.