100 Funny sarcastic and ironic phrases

We live in a sarcastic society. Throughout the world and from many people you can find sarcasm; Newspapers, news, movies, internet...

I leave you 100 sarcastic and ironic phrases Funny, some said by historical figures like Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Oscar Wilde, Carl Sagan, Woody Allen and of course, Groucho Marx .

Ironic sarcastic phrases

You may also like These fun phrases .

Do you know any more? Write them in the comments!

1-Sometimes I need what only you can give me: your absence.-Ashleigh Brillian.

2-It's a catastrophic success.-Stephen Bishop.


3-I do not want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to get it without dying."Woody Allen.


3-A good listener often thinks about something else.-Kin Hubbar.


4-Meeting the television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room to read a book.-Groucho Marx.


5-The only thing worse than talking about you is that they do not talk about you.-Oscar Wilde.


6-People appreciate the small things you do for them. And that's how you prevent them from asking you to do something else.-Author unknown.


7-I believe in luck. How else to explain the success of those you do not like? -Jean Cocteau.


"I'd like to take you seriously, but to do it would be to offend your intelligence."George Bernard Shaw.


"I feel miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."Ashleigh Brillian.


10-The problem with children is that they can not be returned.-Quentin Crisp.

11-It often seems a little sad that Noah and his family did not miss the boat.-Mark Twain.

12-He has the ear of Van Gogh for music.-Billy Wilder.

13-When people are free to do what they want, they often imitate others.-Eric Hoffer.

14-I never forget a face, but in your case I will make an exception.-Groucho Marx.

15-Do something productive. Stop being yourself.-Author unknown.

"I'm not young enough to know."Oscar Wilde.

17-I had a perfect evening, but it was not this.-Groucho Marx.

18-You are a habit that I would like to kick. With both feet.-Author unknown.

19-History has taught us that man and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all alternatives.-Abba Eban.

20-Some people like my advice so much they frame it on the wall instead of using them.-Gordon Dickson.

"I may be drunk, miss, but in the morning I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly.""Winston Churchill.

"I've never killed a man, but I've read a lot of obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow.

23-Stay with me and I will never look at another horse! -Groucho Marx.

24-Stay with me, I want to be alone.-Joey Adams.

25-We have the best government money can buy.-Mark Twain.

26-I have not talked to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her."Rodney Dangerfield.

27 -Why should we accept the pope's sexual advice? If you know anything about sex, you should not!""George Bernard Shaw.

Sarcastic quotes

"My opinion may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right."Ashleigh Brilliant.

29-As a child I used to pray every night to have a new bicycle. I realized that the gentleman does not work like that, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.-Emo Philips.

30-He has no enemies, but his friends hate him intensely.-Author unknown.

31-I can do many things at the same time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.-Ashleigh Brilliant.

32-If you find it hard to laugh for yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.-Groucho Marx.

33-Get facts first, then you can distort them as you want.-Mark Twain.

34-The person who asks you to be yourself could not have given you worse advice.-Author unknown.

35-I never let the school interfere with my education.-Mark Twain.

36-He is a self-made man and he adores his creator.-Irvin Cobb.

37-When I was a child I was told that anyone can be president and I start to believe it.-Clarence Darrow.

38-I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be imperceptible.-Mark Twain.

39-Marriage is the main cause of divorce.-Groucho Marx.

40-100% of Americans are 99% idiots.-George Bernard Shaw.

41-Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.-Mark Twain.

42- To be sure to hit the target, shoot first and call what you have given"the target".- Ashleigh Brilliant.

43-If you're one in a million, there are six million people just like you. -Author unknown.

"I did not go to the funeral, but I sent a letter saying that I approved."Mark Twain.

45-She loves nature despite what she did to him.-Forrest Tucker.

"I tended to put my wife on a pedestal."Woody Allen.

47. A psychiatrist is a guy who asks you many expensive questions that your wife does for nothing.-Joey Adams.

"If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there are a finite number of idiots."- Steven Coallier.

49-Reader, imagine that he was an idiot and that he was a member of Congress. But I'm repeating myself.-Mark Twain.

50-Has never been known to use a word that can send the reader to the dictionary.-William Faulkner.

51-Poor Faulkner. Do you really think big emotions come from big words?""Ernest Hemingway.

52-I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-Fred Allen.

53. Do you hate your job? Why did not you say it? There is a support group for that. It's called everyone and they look at the bar. -Drew Carey.

"Nothing so strongly fixes something in memory as the desire to forget it."Montaigne.

55-Experience is wonderful. It allows you to recognize an error when you commit it again.-Author unknown.

56-For your information, I would like to ask a question.-Samuel Goldwin.

"I do not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to death your right to say it.""Voltaire.

58-You need plastic surgery, not a doctor.-John Cleese.

59-Every time I look at you I have a fierce desire to feel alone.-Oscar Levant.

60-A clean conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.-Steven Wright.

61-I would love to be better strangers.-Unknown author.

62-Consumers are not stupid; Your wife is part of them.-David Ogilvy.

63-I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am because I hate plants.-Whitney Brown.

"It's always black before it becomes absolutely dark."- Paul Newman.

65-His ignorance is encyclopedic.-Abba Eban.

"I am easily satisfied with the best.-Winston Churchill.

"It is not necessary to understand things to discuss them.-Caron de Beaumarchais.

Many people are little more than employed of their possessions.-Frank Lloyd Wright.

"You never stop to think; It's really hard to waste time with your own thoughts.-Unknown author.

"You can be anything you want; However, in your case you should aim low.-Unknown author.

71-Never leave for tomorrow what you can leave for the day after tomorrow.-Mark Twain.

"We did not miss the game; We're out of time.-Vince Lombardi.

73-Someone who thinks logically provides a great contrast to the world.-Author unknown.

74-The problem with common sense is that most people are silly.-Unknown author.

75-If you do not read the newspaper, you are not informed; If you read this uninformed.-Mark Twain.

Any woman can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand and look stupid.-Hedy Lamarr.

Being stupid, selfishness and good health are three requirements for happiness, but if stupidity is lacking, everything is lost.-Gustave Flauber.

"I like you." People say I do not have good taste, but I like you.-Author unknown.

79-Cienmil sperm and you were the fastest? Unknown author.

80-I want more corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.-Ashleigh Brilliant.

81-A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.-Abba Eban.

82- Be careful about reading health books. You could die of an error.-Mark Twain.

83-The word aerobic comes two Greek words: aero, which means habiliad for, and bic, which means to endure a tremendous boredom.-Dave Barry.

84-Do not accept treats of strangers unless they take you somewhere. -Author unknown.

85-Do not thank me for criticizing you, it was a pleasure.-Author unknown.

"I could say that you're lying: your lips move."Author unknown.

"If you were twice as intelligent as you are now, you'd be utterly stupid."

"I'm impressed; I've never known such a small mind in such a big head.""Unknown author.

-Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.-Unknown author.

90-You're not as bad as people say, you're much, much worse. -Author unknown.

91-You have an inferiority complex and this is completely justified.-Unknown author.

92. Never waste an opportunity to shut up.-Unknown author.

93-Those who think you know everything are annoying to those who know everything.-Carl Sagan.

"I'm busy." Can I ignore you for a little longer?""Unknown author.

95-Life is like a roller coaster and I'm about to vomit.-Author unknown.

96-The first problem of this country is apathy, but who cares.-Author unknown.

97-If a stranger offers you a treat, take two.-Author unknown.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure of the first.-Albert Einstein.

"A prisoner is a man who tries to kill you and fails, then he asks you not to kill him."-Willston Churchill.

"I'm so smart that sometimes I do not understand a word of what I say."Oscar Wilde.

"The eternal dilemma: too tired to get up, too awake to go back to sleep.

"If you do not want a sarcastic answer, do not ask a foolish question."

103-The meeting between procastinadores has been postponed.

"They want to see you grow. But never more than them. Remember it.

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